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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Chronic sadness after narcissistic abuse

27 replies

harmony83 · 02/10/2021 21:21

Does anyone suffer from this? I feel like I have a constant, background sadness. It's like it's on a repeat cycle. I've name changed by the way, long time poster on stately homes thread.
I started coming out of the fog almost 4 years ago. I am NC with my entire family and am in the process of leaving my emotionally abusive partner.
I do have friends, and lovely children who I know love and adore me.
But sometimes I just want a hug from a mum or a husband. When I've had a bad day I just want someone to pick me up and tell me it's all ok.
But if you're the scapegoat in a narcissistic family or an empath in an abusive relationship no one does that. I've never had it, so I don't even know what I'm missing.
What do others do when the aching pain of not having a loving family or partner gets too much?
I am a big believer in just keep going, I work hard on myself. I've had more therapy than you can shake a stick at. I run. I try to be kind to myself. I fill my life with healthy hobbies and avoid toxic people as much as I can. I try to remain positive and practice an attitude of gratitude for what I have.
But I need a fucking hug. It's been years since I've had any sort of affection from anyone other than my children. I cried in a yoga class recently as we had to pair up and a complete stranger had to touch me in a supportive way and it was just so foreign to me.
What else can I do?

OP posts:
batteredsoul · 05/10/2021 12:39

@DFOD thank you again. Reading the replies is helping.
I am trying to buy a house currently, we had agreed on finances & childcare through mediation but last night he sprung on me that due to the way a trust deed was drawn up on our current home I am actually entitled to £60k less than we thought. I was already struggling to buy a house with the budget I had so this has been a further blow. To give a bit of context he will be remaining in the 5 bed detached million pound home and I will be in a 2/3 bed terrace in the crap end of town. He has the initial amount we agreed on in the bank, but he has now said I'm not entitled to it. We are not married ( one of the reasons I'm leaving as he promised he would then went back on his promise ) He also wants to fight me for 50/50 with the children so I think my dreams of escape by the end of the year are now looking out of reach. I have an appointment booked with my solicitor on Friday. He knows I don't have a lot of support behind me obviously and also knows my finances so will be well aware I can't spend fortunes on advice.

DFOD · 05/10/2021 14:04

OMG no wonder you are crushed, sobbing and on your knees - he’s continuing to punish you and it is especially cruel and deliberate to throw obstacles in your way and pull the rug from under you at the last minute. He is so abusive and malicious.

That’s a huge blindsiding body blow he’s dealt you - anyone would be in turmoil with that. Take some time to let the reverberation settle and keep your eye on the prize. Know that you don’t need karma to come with Narcs like this because their own inner world is derelict and defunct - they are empty, bitter and corroding from the inside out and their false persona causes them deep distress internally on a daily basis. He knows that you can escape him - but he can’t escape himself - that’s a bleak prospect for him to live with 24/7.

However I do hope that you can get some top legal advice as these types are sadly not unique and lawyers will know how best to handle him.

Breath.

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