What should I do?

[TTlover]

Hi all.

My partner and I are 25 and have been together for 8 years. We saved money and bought a three bedroom home 2 years ago for £245,000. We have done DIY work and the house has been valued at £400,000.

My partner is currently an electrician and has always dreamed of going into property development.

We have been speaking to a financial adviser, who, based on how much we earn and our equity in the house, we can borrow £124,000. This will cover a deposit for another property, my partners wages to do the house up and the mortgage while we are doing it up.

My only concern is that we have been through a really rough patch in our relationship, my partner has suffered with mental health issues due to a shock in the family. We work well together, but part of me feels that we need to build on our relationship before committing to something else. I suppose I am scared that due to his mood swings, we will not last and I’m not sure I want to risk that further commitment.

On the other hand, both of our names will be on both properties, so selfishly, if things were to end, it would be an investment for both of us individually.

What do you all think? Thank you.

You met each other when you were a mere 17 years of age and had no real life experience behind you. Do you think you need to part ways now?.

What has he himself done to address his mental health issues?. Can you elaborate more on what these are with him?. Is he using you really now as some sort of emotional punchbag?.

What do you mean by mood swings?. Those are also concerning and you need to think on this a lot more. Were these also apparent in him before now?.

If you're having doubts about the relationship, it might be wiser to split now and walk away with your half of your current equity rather than getting in deeper financially.

I know property is generally safe, if not booming - but it's still possible for it to go awry, to overspend or pick the wrong property.

That amount of debt is eye watering. I wouldn't chance it myself.

Getting into debt and having to do up a property whilst also working may put additional strain on your relationship/his mental health.

I would get back to a place of stability (both his mh and your relationship) before thinking about this.

I agree with @Sakurami

This is a big commitment and should only be undertaken if you are both 100% certain, and that means your mental health and relationship being as strong as possible, to withstand the additional pressures.

Thank you all. I think you are right in the way that we need to wait for a while before making a further commitment.

We have always been happy, but a couple of years ago (when we moved in) one of his parents turned out not to be the person everybody thought they were.

This had led to a lot of embarrassment and frustration on my partners side, which caused mental health issues and led my partner to question many things about his upbringing and realising that his family will never be close again.

For many months I have had to support his ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ which have weighed on me heavily.

I know if we can make it through what we have been through together, we can make it through anything. I just need to feel more secure right now before making the next step.

Thank you again for your advice. X

I think the plan has good potential for the future but speaking as someone who is currently doing a similar big project I would wait until the picture with regards strength of relationship and mental health becomes clearer. The project will take its toll, needs high motivation and self discipline which are both difficult if you are labouring under some weighty things already.
No need to rush, thankfully you are very young to be in a position like this so can bide your time.
If the relationship sadly came to an end wrapping up the joint assets and finances would be so much harder if you had this on your plate (break ups often don't stay amicable so things can get nasty even if both your names are on the papers)

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose thank you for your comments. Completely agree that we should wait a while and bide our time until the right moment.

As somebody who has experience with this, do you see borrowing money to be a huge risk? Have you seen a good financial outcome?

It does sound too good to be true that at 25 we could own a property plus doing another one up to rent/ sell. X

So many variables!
You say the 124k will cover amongst other things the mortgage while you do it up, projects often overrun their timeline so what if that happens? Can you cover both mortgages or would be forced to sell before it was ready, forced sales often lose money cos not many people want to buy a half done house.
It's a big financial commitment so if one of you was made redundant /injured couldn't work etc what would the fall back plan be, could you survive it and how risk averse are you.
Do you know your market, if you are buying a high end house and do it up cheaply you'll struggle to sell, but if you have a house that fits the kind of buyer you need you should make a sale, whether you make a profit depends how good you are at managing budgets and time.
If you are jointly liable for the mortgage you don't want and doubt that you will both see it through from beginning to end
Lots to consider

Have you costed the renovations?

If he wants to do this as a 'business' then I suggest you both speak to an accountant familiar with property developing rather than a financial adviser.

Personally, I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole.

Has he had any professional support with what's happened?

It might be wiser to invest a couple of thousand into his mental health and possibly some relationship counselling before starting a big project like this together.

OP,
I am glad you are going to put this plan on hold.

His MH will be tested by a project like this when so many things can go wrong.

You need to protect yourself and your MH.

I would want to be in a much stronger place relationship wise before I would risk everything betting on a project when he is so fragile.

Be very wary, you have a lot to lose.

Thanks all. He has had some counselling but that fizzled out for a while.

But yes - going to put things on hold for the minute. Thanks for all of your support everyone xx

Good gosh no.

I'd sell up and buy somewhere really cheap and and then spend my actual money on property renovations. Not borrow money against what I have. If I was going to agree to the property idea.

As the saying goes, never a borrower nor a lender be.