Partners name calling

[KellyC06]

Hi,

Am I being unreasonable or overthinking?

Yesterday my partner of 5 years called me lazy fat cunt on the doll, amongst other names, after my 2 year old son threw a tantrum yesterday morning for not having a bottle (I’ve stopped them) and coz he threw something on the floor he told him off by calling him a name and I said don’t do that, you don’t discipline by name calling, he’s 2! Then he started shouting at me, telling me I don’t discipline my children, and if it’s ok for the 2 year old to throw things then it’s ok for him and threw the fake plant and a candle across the floor, and coz I told him to grow up, suddenly I’m a lazy fat cunt on the doll who’s a shit mum and sits on my fat arse all day… I’m a typical busy mum… Im also studying to be a nurse!… I’m trying to better myself for my children and myself, I never wanted to be on benefits, it’s not the life I aspired too, having said that I am very grateful for them but I am one day going to be off them, I’m trying 😢

It’s not the first time it had happened, he said similar things a couple of weeks ago too.

He’s always been a name calling person, I usually have a thick skin but now I’m thinking that’s how he views me and does he actually love me? He definitely does not appreciate me…

We share a 2 year old together, I’m 7 months pregnant and have 2 daughters with someone else also.

I’ve thrown him out, told him not to come back. This time it has really upset me.

What do you think?

It is completely wrong for a partner to call you names. Any name calling is unacceptable - the names he called you are particularly awful.

His behaviour is telling you two things - he's emotionally very immature and unable to speak clearly about how he is feeling so resorts to name calling. The second, huge red flag, is its all abusive behaviour. Shouting, name calling, throwing things - all designed to get you to behave how he wants you to. It's a control thing.

I really admire that you're training to be a nurse and juggling that with being a parent. I think you've done the right thing to get him out of the house. Hold on tight to your faith in yourself - it can so easily be broken down by someone who is supposed to love you being horrible to you.

Also consider the impact his behaviour has on your child - your 2 year old is watching his dad treat his mum horribly. He may start to think it's normal.

I think you've done exactly the right thing in chucking him out, my darling. He sounds really horrible and childish, and you don't need that, you have enough kids already!

You sound like an amazing mum, you care for your kids and you're studying to better yourself. You don't need him and his abuse.

His behaviour is beyond unacceptable. I absolutely promised you if DP or EXDH had ever called me that even once their backside would be on the doorstep in a heartbeat.

Throwing things across the room because apparently he thinks the 2 year old is allowed ? That is ridiculous I would lose any respect for him I ever had at all.

He will not change , he is in an entitled emotionally immature asshat. Get rid. Being a single parent is hard but a damn sight easier than having to deal with him.

All credit to you for throwing him out; now keep him out of your lives permanently. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

He will not change; this is who he really is.

Don't let him back.

Nope. Wouldn't be having it. Not from someone who is supposed to love you and certainly not in front of the children.

Comparing his own behaviour to the toddler is actually quite accurate if this is typical of him.

Fuck that. You can do better.

Well done you. pp have all said what I was thinking, which is that he's immature, entitled, abusive and a very poor example to your DC.

And would someone who loved you call you all those insulting names? Never.

You deserve so much better. I think you have enough on - and a full enough life - being a good mum and studying. You don't need a childish, tantrum-throwing manchild to worry about as well!!

I think you've done completely the right thing by slinging him out.

He's a loser and you're well rid.

You say you might be overthinking or being unreasonable. How can that even cross your mind? These phrases grind my gears. They're a response to society telling women we shouldn't question and we should confine our responses to a narrow path that fits in with a man's conception of what is right. Overthink, be unreasonable - be angry, selfish and unkind to people who give you shit!

He is abusive.

You and your kids would he best away from him.

You are not being unreasonable and you're not overthinking.

You’re right to get rid. Get a claim in for maintenance and sort out contact. Make sure you’ve applied for anything extra if he’s moved out. Don’t tolerate abuse, be it verbal or otherwise. He sounds like he doesn’t respect or care for you. Pointless being with someone like that.

He sounds absolutely horrific and you're well rid of the prick !
He actually compared himself to a 2yr old ?? And the 2yr old actually looked better ??

You deserve better.
Your DC deserve better.

Good riddance to him. Good luck with your studies, that’s brilliant!!

Good on you! Don't take him back.
He views you with contempt. And no one who views you with contempt is capable of loving you.

You did right getting rid now before the baby comes. Because afterwords you would have been resigned to putting up with his shit for several years more because you were too tired with baba to find the strength to kick him out.

Keep him gone and focus on being a mum.

It is not OK to gave a man treating a woman like that around children anyway. If your kids had seen this it would be child abuse.

Without him around you, your kids will not see a woman being abused and so will hopefully grow up to be strong, independent women who take no shit from men or other bullies.

So stay strong for them.

You threw him out. Good.

Don't let him back. Get the locks changed and if he turns up, call the police and tell them he is threatening and violent towards you when your toddler is present and watching.

I’ve thrown him out, told him not to come back. This time it has really upset me.

What do you think?

Unless there are medical reasons for the outburst, I can not support exposing children to that level of violence or that manifestation of unreasonable behaviour within a household.

It also sounds completely inappropriate for another adult to accept that behaviour on several levels.

Good luck with your studies and as straightforward a birth as possible.