Relationship of 18 years has just ended

[Fizzlar]

First post. My relationship of 18 years has just ended tonight. I can barely breathe, it's like my world has collapsed. Where do I even begin to start the process of being alone

How you feel right now isn’t how you’ll always feel . Just be really kind to yourself .. one step at a time, no rush 🤗I’m a great believer in what’s not meant for you shall pass you by . This part that you’re in right now is really shit . Don’t get me wrong I haven’t figured it all out yet myself .. but I was where you were at not so long ago. You’re never alone

Hi OP, we're moving this thread over to our Relationships topic and giving it a bump to get it back into Active Conversations.

Hopefully some more Mumsnetters will be along soon with some advice and support.

This part is agonising. The endless picking over of the past and "What if…" ruminations.

The nausea and the heart pain stop. It becomes easier to breathe in and out.

If there is no-one to talk to in your life at present, there are people here who know what you've been through and are going through.

Do you feel able to say what distresses you about the thought of being by yourself?

I’ve been there. It’s very painful and I know it’s hard but at the moment you just have to accept the feelings because they are a normal grieving process. It sounds heavy, but it’s true, you are grieving. You have to be very kind to yourself right now and accept as much support from friends and family as you can. One of the best pieces of advice I had was to initially take things hour by hour. Hell, minute by minute if I had to! But I can tell you that feeling as if the bottom of your world has fallen out, that free falling feeling, it WILL pass. You will not feel this intensely forever.

It’s extremely cheesy but start to view the intense feelings as weather, let them pass and accept them as transient things. Day by day week by week you will find rays of sunshine peeking through and you will get to the end of the day without even thinking of it.

Some tips for when you feel at your worst are to eat light easy foods, you have to look after yourself: soups, a banana. A boring old smoothie if you have to. Try to schedule time to think about it - ‘worry time’ and write all of your thoughts down, that was a big relief to me. Try to do small nice things and act like a friend to yourself, nice baths, nice smelling stuff, candles, new bedding that you’d like that’s pretty even just cheap changes, a nice plant.

I know all of this sounds trivial and silly, as if this will stop the pain of a partner leaving but these little things got me through the darkest bits. I hope you’re ok op, you will be, keep posting here as the posters here helped me so much when I felt like you.

So sorry to hear this, especially if it came out of the blue. Sending hugs.

So sorry. 18 years is an awful long time, and even if it's the 'right' thing to do, it's still a huge wrench. It does get better. Be kind to yourself. Sleep as much as you need to. Eat what you can. Try to get some fresh air and exercise every day. Catch up and confide in friends and family. Keep talking on here if it helps.

You’re at the very beginning of a long journey OP. It will be very hard for a few months and, I’m not going to lie, it could be a year or so before you even start to feel anywhere near normal. Especially if you have been happy in the relationship until the point he has left. You just have to take it day by day. Some days you will feel positive, and some days you will be engulfed in misery and tears. Family and friends got me through those first months, so lean on them if you can. Try and stay strong. You don’t say where you are financially, or whether you have children, which are factors which will dictate how hard it will all be for you initially. See a solicitor. Get advice. You will be fine, although I know at the moment you probably feel you will never be fine again. Big hugs OP.