If you went no contact with a relative(s) did you explain why?

[me4real]

I'm planning to go NC with dad and step-mum.

IDK whether to just block etc, or send a message beforehand explaining why.

My theory at the moment is not to give reasons, or it'll rile them up more (not that that really matters.)

What do you think?

I have been little to no contact with my sister for a few years now and I would have done it a lot sooner if it wasn’t for her stopping my niece from seeing me ( we are so close, more like sisters tbh )

I bought my niece a phone when she turned 18 and have had little to no contact with my sister for 7 years now best decision I have ever made. Since I’ve had my dc she has tried a couple of times to get back in touch because I just cut ties with no explanation but I can’t have the toxicity in my life so haven’t responded. With all the drama she brought it really messed with my mental health. One of her other kids are expecting a baby and slowly slowly she has been putting the feelers out with other family members about what I may have to give her for her new grandchild but I have told each and every one of them not to talk to me about it and told them when she brings it up to them that they don’t want involved either.

As others have said narcissists will always try and find a way back in but just grey rock and repeat. I promise after a little while you will feel the weight of the world lift from your shoulders and life will be much more carefree and happy without them in it.

I told my brother in a blazing row exactly why I didn't ever want to see him again and it's been 7 years now I haven't seen him. Not missed him at all. My dad I just gradually reduced contact until I was down to an email once a year on his birthday. I don't even do that now, he's never tried to contact me to find out why, I don't miss him m or feel the need to have a discussion about why, it is what it is. If he doesn't already know why then no amount of telling him will help.

I stopped contacting my dad's side of the family after my parents got. divorced. His sisters treated my mum appallingly and cut her out.

My dad died a few years later and it felt like their grief was greater than anyone else's... they seemed very self absorbed. Maybe my views were tainted. If I occasionally bump into them I'm polite and if they asked me why I distanced myself I would tell them how I felt about the way they treated my mam. I was really close to the one sister growing up and think it's a shame but I can't get past their behaviour...

You could write a letter and not send it. Then, if you doubt your decision in the future, you can read your own words explaining the decision.

I don't think any good will come of telling them why. I think quietly backing away is the best option. If they were receptive to feedback or interested in your feelings then you probably wouldn't be going NC anyway.

In my experience NC is a last resort, after many many many opportunities have been given and wasted by the family member. If they were interested in improving, they'd have done it.

Don't waste your energy.

We told our relatives in writing (in an affidavit before a court actually with many numbered paragraphs explaining with exhibits and everything). They also received a judgment from the court which clearly states which of their behaviours were problematic and why. Objectively. They still, to this day, say they have 'no idea' why we cut them off and they just 'want answers'.

There really is no point.

Reasons are for reasonable people.

After my parents died, my brother assumed that I would take my mother’s place in his life. He was 43 at the time, married and had been financially supported all his life by them and set up to remain that way also. He is so disfunctional (aggressive, narcissistic, controlling, untrustworthy, intrusive, rude, drug-affected, anti-social, etc… - you name it) that it is not appropriate for him to be around my kids. I also have very good reasons from my history with him to be afraid of him. He became verbally abusive over the telephone and I told him that if he didn’t stop immediately, I would hang up and block him. He began to escalate, so I followed out my threat. That was six years ago. Since then I have had police involvement also - he found out where we lived and the kids are still frightened of him. I still get messages from family friends and relatives claiming that he either doesn’t know or doesn’t remember what he did to make me cut him off. I have come to the conclusion that they contact me when he has become a pest and repeatedly outstayed his welcome, eaten and drunk them out of house and home, dominated every single conversation, etc, and they feel that I should be “obligated” to do something about him and get him out of their hair. (All of this is very easily remedied when I tell them that I have enough evidence of his behaviour to convince the police to enforce a restraining order, and don’t feel the need to justify my actions to them.)

I told my idiot father exactly why I would never speak to him again. He absolutely got both barrels and it was extremely cathartic for me. Have had no contact with him in 8 years, never will and have never regretted it. I do however regret allowing him to make me so bloody unhappy for the 25 years before that!!

From what you have written it doesn't seem like they are people to have a reasonable conversation with, which is usually the case when you decide to go NC with someone. You have probably spent years trying to deal with this.

I recently pulled the plug on my DB and Sil. It wasn't hard as they dropped me for 10 years because of my DM who I was already NC with. DB fell out with DM, he finally saw the light and thought we could just turn up on my doorstep as if nothing had happened. I put a lot of thought into letting him know the reasons I don't want to pick up again with him. But what would be the point? He knows why we haven't seen each other for 10 years. He is responsible for that and like you, pointing it out would likely lead to denial and counter accusations. So no response is my response. Life is SO much better without them.

Thanks for the tips all. x