Relationship struggling after second baby

[Sparklehorse82]

Our second baby will soon be age one and I feel like we're really distant from each other.

It's partly my fault. I'm not interested in sex at the moment as I'm breastfeeding and feel so touched out and both children and have been tag teaming illness for months so I'm sleep deprived and exhausted.

He works late shifts so I feel like we barely see each other and when we do he just irritates me. He can be lazy and is struggling a bit in a new job which isn't helping his mood. When he's not working he just wants to chill but I'm soon back at work after maternity leave ana then we'll both be even more tired so I just feel like he needs to step up.

I know I'm short with him all the time. He's just doing my fucking head in.

I think last time we went through this but we did recover and reconnect as our first got older... but I think lockdown and constantly being in each other's company hasn't helped. I often feel like o just want to be left alone.

Underneath I do love him still and he makes me laugh a lot but I just feel exasperated half the time and I can't help taking it out on him and now we're drifting apart. I suggested counselling but he doesn't think we need it - says he understands it's just the pressure on us having young kids and it will pass. But at the same time he seems unhappy, and that's making me unhappy too.

Any advice?

I completely understand why you don't feel like sex at the moment. And sex is a great way to feel connected with your OH. So you naturally feel you've lost some of the closeness. In order to regain that closeness you have to maintain other things like touching, hugging, sharing your feelings, showing appreciation to each other etc.

Which can be hard if you don't feel the other person is listening to you or pulling their weight.

If your OH is basically a decent person who you've been very happy with in the past, and you managed to regain your relationship after baby#1 then there is every hope you can do that again. But he has to engage, and you both have to recognise what you need to do to make it better.

It sounds like your OH needs to sort out his laziness and start to pull his weight. You would then be less frazzled and feel more respected, and in turn your sex like would start to return more naturally.

But the first step is for your OH to stop dismissing your concerns. He needs to understand that you are at risk of losing your relationship, and that you are willing to make efforts, but he needs to as well. Does he feel it's worth fighting for, or would he rather stay as he is and either a) end up splitting up or b) he assumes you'll stick around so he doesn't have to make any effort.