I’m struggling today.

[ElleStartingOver]

I posted previously about going NC with my abusive ex and received some amazing advice.

I have managed to stick to NC despite him attempting to get in touch and although it was so hard in the beginning I woke up on Tuesday feeling better than I have for a long time, almost like a weight had been lifted.

So why tonight to I feel sick and it’s taking every ounce of self control not to contact him and beg him to come back? I can physically feel pain in my stomach and chest, I want him to come and make me feel better even though I know I can’t ever go back.

Please help me to not contact him. I know it sounds pathetic I know it does but I keep thinking of how messed up he is, how I know he does love me deep down he just doesn’t know how to be a decent human being. I know he’s so damaged, and I know his past isn’t an excuse to treat me like shit which is why I left but I’m in a mess tonight

You just need to remember the good feeling of Tuesday - that'll start happening more and more often, for longer and longer.

You're going to have ups and downs.

Just hold out tonight, and tomorrow is a new day.

Thank you, I’m trying.

Post here, rather than text him.

That’s what I’ll do, thank you.

Still feel the same as I did earlier so I’m going to try and have an early night and hope for a better day tomorrow I think. I wish I was one of those strong women who could just move on and stop thinking about him.

Attachments are hard to break, so you are bound to have lots of mixed up emotions and go backwards and forwards for a bit. Hold strong to your decision and when you feel your resolve slipping, do something kind for yourself and remind yourself you are giving YOU the loving treatment he didn't. write down your reasons over and over to give yourself a reminder of why you are doing this.
It will get easier as time goes on and those horrid emotions and longings will fade with time....it's a process. Be good to You x

@shedreamer thank you

Write a list of all the reasons he is your ex and the reasons you are better without him. When you feel that itch to contact him then read that list to yourself and know that you are worth so much more than how he made you feel when you were with him x

It’s like breaking an addiction. Lots of highs and lows. Keep yourself busy if you can and also it can help to take a painkiller especially if you’re feeling it physically, some studies suggest taking a painkiller can help with emotional pain - as long as you are sensible and don’t get reliant on them.

Mostly you just need to keep reminding yourself of why you’ve left and try and keep the notion that he can be the man you want if he could just (fill in the blank) to a minimum. It honestly does get easier and those regrets really do go away.