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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trigger Rape. Panic attacks and feeling unsettled since confronting abusive ex

8 replies

Finallydonewithhim · 30/09/2021 07:02

There’s a thread here if anyone want to search. Yes I know what I am but I don’t need reminding of that.

I confronted the man who anally raped this yesterday. Calling it that is still hard. I still can’t accept it and that I was the victim.

I’ve stayed away from him did 2 mths but yesterday an opportunity presented itself where I could pull up in car.

I simply wanted to tell him I had no choice but to tell his girlfriend he was cheating with me, that he had become dangerous , that’s I’m sure he had blamed me and claimed it was a one off mistake when it wasn’t and what happened that night at x was rape. That he knew I didn’t want THAT.

He was dismissive throughout the 3 minute interaction. He even said you can go now (my name) and I said I was anyway.

I wanted closure. I wanted an apology. I wanted to forgive him and see the man I fell for all those years ago.

Instead I got a cold man, bar a fleeting moment of Us looking at each other and having to look away, who was cowardly, dismissive and determined to carry on the shitstorm of a lie with his latest victim.

I’ve been having anxiety feelings and panic attacks since.

OP posts:
Finallydonewithhim · 30/09/2021 08:21

@whiskeygalore I’m hoping you are around.

OP posts:
Crystalvas · 30/09/2021 09:26

Why didn’t you go to the police instead of confronting him? You’ll never get your apology.

Marjoriedrawers · 30/09/2021 09:42

Did you have the affair with the s&m stuff?

Finallydonewithhim · 30/09/2021 14:15

Yes @Marjoriedrawers. That was sort of it. It darker stuff came towards end.

@Crystalvas because I know that the chances of a conviction were going to be minimal. And he knew enough to destroy my life as it is.

OP posts:
category12 · 30/09/2021 19:02

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Please speak to Rape Crisis or someone for support. Flowers

Sorry you didn't get the outcome you hoped for, but a man like that is never going to admit fault.

Finallydonewithhim · 30/09/2021 21:35

Thank you. I should but just find it hard to speak about it vocally if you know what I mean.

You’re right. He was seldom able to admit any failing unless he was doing so to manipulate me

OP posts:
thesearelaughterlines · 01/10/2021 05:37

I agree with @category12 please access some support

If he has stayed away for 2 months and this confrontation didn't end well there is a good chance he will now leave you alone

Keep it that way , don't find any reason to " pull up in a car " or make any contact at all

Build your strength and anger , keep away from him and be kind to yourself 💐

Finallydonewithhim · 01/10/2021 08:52

Such good advice @thesearelaughterlines

Unfortunately two months is nothing for this man. He goes through cycles and right now will be in his good man man , blaming me for his failings and urges. When he gets the need for ego and less mundane he’ll be finding a way to get his fix.

I’ve seen him since. Just driving at times I wouldn’t expect to. We live so close by. It’s left me feeling so unsettled.

I think he’s jacked his job in. A year ago he said about going to work away. Fresh start etc. Oh how I wish I’d encouraged it then.

I don’t want to build my anger in a negative destructive way. I need to move forward with no more harm to my emotional stuff.

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