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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish and need a rant!!

8 replies

Shhhnow · 29/09/2021 20:57

I’m so angry- it sounds so petty but it sums up how selfish my partner can be. We’ve been together for nearly 13 years and have two children. Since we’ve had children and I’ve needed his support, I’ve realised how selfish he can be. I work full time and pretty much clean the house myself every weekend with maybe a bit of help if I ask for it (which I’m sometimes called a nag or a moan for asking for). On Wednesdays I have a staff meeting after work and so I’m always back later. I’d asked him this morning whether he could pick up something for us for tea tonight as I’d be back late to which he agreed. When I called on the way home and asked what was for tea, he told me he hadn’t got me anything but had sorted the kids and he’d be sorting himself. He uses the excuse that it’s because I’m on slimming world. He also lies and tries to make our that I’ve said things I haven’t- so in this instance, he said that I’d told him just to feed the kids. I had not said this at all but he will swear blind i have. I find him so selfish at times. He will agree to do things if it suits him- so if he’s ironing a shirt of his, he’s then happy to iron an item of the children’s because he’s doing his anyway. It’s on his terms. I genuinely feel like I’m living with a bachelor.

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 30/09/2021 04:51

Why are you putting up with this behaviour?

What good points does he have?

category12 · 30/09/2021 06:13

Did you call kind of expecting him to say something like that?

Honestly, a guy like this, who views housework and childcare as the woman's thing - he's not a partner.

He should be doing his share at home as an equal adult. Because he fucking lives there.

frozendaisy · 30/09/2021 08:51

So use the argument he gave you back to him.

I've fixed the kid's dinner, as you say I'm on slimming world you can sort your own.

His words. Use them back at him.

LannieDuck · 30/09/2021 16:17

Stop doing it all for him - start by splitting the cooking. He does 3 nights a week and you do 4. If he wants you to feed him on your nights, he needs to feed you on his nights.

ZestyMaximus · 30/09/2021 16:50

@frozendaisy

So use the argument he gave you back to him.

I've fixed the kid's dinner, as you say I'm on slimming world you can sort your own.

His words. Use them back at him.

Loving frozendaisy's suggestion here.
Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2021 16:54

You don't have to live this way, you know. He sounds completely useless.

Treacletoots · 30/09/2021 21:09

Pretty sure he hasn't just suddenly changed overnight into a misogynistic prick. The only reason men treat women like their mother/housekeeper/nanny is because we allow them to.

You should have shut down that bullshit years ago, but we are where we are. Just stop doing stuff for him until he realises he's a grown up too, or even better get a divorce and tell him he'll be looking after the kids and himself 50% of the time.

layladomino · 01/10/2021 16:09

Yeah he sounds selfish, lazy, uncaring and pretty useless to be honest.

He sees you as there to serve him meals and clean up after him. He thinks his time is more important than yours. He's willing to lie and twist what actually happened to get away with it.

Don't let him off the hook. Make clear 'we both know that you were meant to be sorting tea for us all tonight'. The do what pp have said - treat him like he treats you. Don't make him any tea tonight and give the same excuse. Tell him you agree with what he suggested on Wednesday - that one of you sorts the children and themselves, and the other sorts themselves out. You agree with him that's how to do it in future.

Then wash and iron your own clothes. Buy the food you like.

None of this is conducive to a good relationship, and in all honesty I wouldn't want to be with someone as selfish and lazy as him, but if you feel the need to stay around (at least for now) then you need to treat him as he treats you.

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