Someone please help me with my break up

[Blak]

I don’t want to be with my partner anymore, it’s just not a healthy relationship. I’m just so overwhelmed with anger/hatred and hurt and I don’t know what to do with these feelings.
We have a 15 month old DD and I’m young (mid 20’s) so I don’t know where to start with what I’m entitled too etc. We have a mortgage together and I only work 2 days a week. I want to be financially stable and able to provide for my daughter but I can’t just stay in this relationship for the money side of things I’d rather be happy.

I’m actually just sobbing right now as I don’t know where to start or what to do. I feel like a big chapter of my life is ending and it’s so sad.

Get someone to talk to in real life (family, friends) for emotional support and to help you with your sums, especially benefits. I'm really sorry you're going through this 💐

When you say it's not healthy, can you say more about what that is OP? Deep breaths. You can be helped through this, whatever it is needs to happen.
It is sad. But it'll get better some time down the line, I promise.

@heldinadream it’s just constant arguments and nothing gets resolved. I don’t want my daughter around this any longer it breaks my heart. My partner is a good few years older than me. I just feel so lost and so sad. I don’t want to speak to my friends or family because I feel so ashamed because all I wanted was a happy family and it’s all falling apart and on the outside world everyone thinks we have it so good and our life is perfect and in reality it’s not even close 😩

Oh love it's nothing to be ashamed of, relationships are really, really hard and harder when you have a baby.
What are the arguments about? Does he pull his weight with HIS daughter?
Have you got your mum anywhere near?
Sorry lots of questions. Just trying to get a sense of it all to be able to maybe help you untangle it.

Please speak to a friend or trusted family member and do not go through this alone. Maybe take a weekend away to your family with your child so you have time to think as easier to think clearly when away from a situation. But do open up and talk as it will help you. You sound so sad and life should not be this hard. Get some advise also about where you stand financially. Talk to your partner also but go with your gut as some people may try to make you believe you should stay. But in your heart you know how you feel. You are very young and have your whole life ahead. If you feel low please go and talk to your doctor also. Wishing you the best.

@heldinadream well just for an example, last week he didn’t come home from work and I was supposed to be meeting a friend so I didn’t get to go - he did this purposely and still to this day says he’s not sorry because he just didn’t want to be around me but I would have been going out as soon as he got in so was just an excuse.

My mum is about yes, I just really can’t bring myself to talk to anyone face to face at the minute, I can’t process my thoughts and feelings properly.

Ok well that sounds a bit nasty on his part and that's not good if he's doing that kind of thing. Controlling.
How much older is he?

@heldinadream he’s 8 years older than me. He works long hours so everything in the house is always on my shoulders and he does bare minimum to help out. He’s left at dinner time today on his day of to go have dinner with a friend which only annoyed me because I wasn’t allowed to last week and I never see my friends. I prefer the days he’s at work to when he’s at home as it’s just so much more calm and easy

Awful man

Do you think it is safe to bring these things up

Or can you get out for a while and let him know you wish to end things
Keep it factual
Have a plan in place

Your daughter can't face this any longer nor can you

One word stood out to me. It was "allowed ".
You are equals in a relationship. If there's no equality then he's a controlling bustard.
Get rid.

Bustard. FFS! Bastard!

If you don't start to process it, nothing will change. In the long run it's better for your DD to sort this out sooner rather than later as she's young enough to not remember the split now.
Bite the bullet and tell your mother - yes it makes it real, but you will gain a lot from having her support, and it will likely help when you tell him. Before that it's 'ducks in a row'. Find out how much in tax credits you could claim, gather evidence of how much your DP earns so CMS can be worked out. Then balance how much added childcare costs would be if you upped your work hours to see if that is a viable option. Once you know what your monthly income will be, you can plan accordingly the best way to exit. I'd say he should be the one to move out as you are the main carer, if you can cover the monthly mortgage until the house is sold. If you moved out, he could drag his feet over selling the house, you might have to force the sale which can take a long time and it's best to get any equity you are due, asap so you can rent or buy somewhere new.

Get legal advice , if you can get him to leave , could you rent out a room to bring in a bit extra ? You are young , this will be the start of a much better life for you and your daughter. Sending hugs x

Your decision to leave sounds very sensible. Please do NOT worry about what other people think. Relationships end all the time and this one definitely should. He sounds nasty. As is often said on MN - no-one who matters will mind and no-one who minds matters. Get some real life support to help you get organised. It will be a rough road while you extract yourself but you will get to a much happier place and your future self will thank you.