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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I ever forgive him?

5 replies

Haleyyy103847 · 29/09/2021 05:21

I had an abortion two months ago, for a variety of reasons. Not least of which being that my partner didn’t want it.
I take medication that is known to cause birth defects, the obstetrician was fairly confident the baby had not been exposed, but given the other circumstances I didn’t feel it was a risk worth taking.
I am absolutely devastated by this loss
I knew he didn’t want a baby before I fell pregnant. I have been saying for a year now I would like to have more babies (I have two) and he has given a variety of responses, but I knew he wasn’t interested.
That doesn’t make it easier. Knowing I had a baby, that he didn’t want.
I had my children when I was very young, my then partner worked a FIFO position, we didn’t share parenting and we separated when my daughter was 1, she is now 11.
I never felt like we shared a family. I felt very alone, and being so young was flat broke. It was not easy.
I am now at a place in life that I feel I could enjoy being pregnant, having a newborn, sharing it with my partner. I’m financially secure, our relationship is stable (well, was) we live in a happy home.
My partner not wanting our baby was absolutely gut wrenching. I hear the words in my head while I’m trying to fall asleep. It haunts me.
My therapist keeps telling me to allow myself to grieve.
I need to be able to forgive otherwise our relationship will be destroyed, but I feel so hurt and I don’t know how to get past it.
He didn’t want our baby because his children wouldn’t take it well.
He puts them above all else. They are horrible to him. They threaten to cut him off if he doesn’t do what they want. They only give him time when it suits them. They manipulate him and treat him like a doormat. Which is exactly how his ex wife treated him. It’s very hard to watch.
They are also not really interested in having a relationship with me. They haven’t accepted their parents separation and I suppose I’m a barrier to that relationship ever being repaired. I know it’s not personal, but it does hurt my feelings.
It’s all very hard for me to swallow.
To top it off, his daughter is about to give birth to his first grandchild.
I doubt very much I’ll be a part of the child’s life, which is probably for the best as I’ve really grown to hate his daughter though the way she treats my partner & the horrible things she has said about me.
I’m now at a point where I have to decide what is more important to me.

  1. Sharing a family
  2. Accepting that I won’t have anymore babies or be a part of his extended family
Or 3. Walking away entirely

Please. Can I hear your stories of leaving relationships to pursue family goals, or staying in spite of adversity’s like these

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 29/09/2021 05:35

Sorry to hear this - what a nightmare. Your dp is obviously totally involved with the children he's already got, OP. It sounds like he's got a lot to deal with already. He's a bit of a doormat isn't he? You'd have to love him an awful lot to carry on when there's all this going on in the background.
Thank goodness you've got your own DC. Good luck with it all.

Weatherwax13 · 29/09/2021 06:46

Bluntly: you're never going to get what you want from him. You're not his top priority and you will never have a baby with him. So I'd go with option 3 and build a happier away from this toxic family.

Wallywobbles · 29/09/2021 07:37

I don't know how old you are. I had my kids with my ex in my early 30s. They are now mid teens. My first marriage was a hormonal mistake. But my kids are fab.

DH2 is a great father to his teens and I'd have loved being pregnant and a parent with him. But I'm so glad we didn't go down that route. Our teens needs are really not compatible with babies and toddlers. It must be very difficult to give teens the attention they need with smalls in the home.

millymolls · 29/09/2021 09:36

I’m sorry for your loss
Walk away with your head held high and go embrace your future life !

DFOD · 29/09/2021 09:46

@Weatherwax13

Bluntly: you're never going to get what you want from him. You're not his top priority and you will never have a baby with him. So I'd go with option 3 and build a happier away from this toxic family.
I agree with this.

He is a doormat to his children and xW - but YOU are his doormat.

You are way down the list in his messy life.

Seems that you have to put up and shut up.

I suspect your current emotional pain in not just about the baby (I am really very sorry that you felt coerced into this action) but has subconsciously uncovered many more existing issues that are a burden to you.

You deserve better than this.

Decide what you want and go get it - as your current situation will lead to growing resentment and bitterness if you stay with him.

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