I guess my marriage is over

[Leeila21]

Hi lovely just in need of some advice

After a week of being apart from husband his told me its best we remain apart after i called him to see if things can be sorted. I did tell him last week that maybe we should separate as we just argue cause he's never available for me and LO.

My intention behind my suggestion was that he would get his shit together and understand that we need him present i.e kick in the backside after my response of separation but after today's conversation hes told me its not going to work, you don't understand me i dont understand you, were not right people for eachother. Hes made no effort over the whole week either.

Im very upset he didn't even fight for us. I always try my best with him, forgive and forget, its like his walked all over me

I wasn't prepared, i really though a few days apart may make him see how serious it was that this relationship was falling apart because of him.

I want to know how is single life as a mum is, how do i get over this chapter in our lifes, do single mums cope, will anyone ever love me, Im so scared.

Id love to hear some real advice

Please dont be scared.....I raised my child as a single parent....she is 23 now and an amazing woman....she has a great career, great relationship, lives independently and is flourishing. It took a while to get my balance raising her alone . Her father did contribute time to her too. I will tell you a little secret too. I had many friends in, what you would call, normal 2 parent relationships raising their children. 80% of my female friends in those relationships were either on anti anxiety tablets, anti depressants or sleeping tablets due to the stress their husbands were putting them through with either being lazy, abusive, not bothering with any house work, disappearing on the golf course/football etc etc leaving them at home doing everything. I may have been alone raising her but I was free from the stress of trying to keep a man happy too. After a while I blossomed into a happy and healthy single parent....I have never wanted to live with another man again after all these years as my independence has given me such joy. I hope you can get through this time and be free from the silent treatment and being with someone who does not cherish you. Cherish yourself instead. You can do this.

Not talking, avoiding to communicate respectfully is a part of emotional abuse and bullying.

It's ok to have some time say 30 minutes to 1 hour to calm down and have some peace and quiet time but then it's very important TO TALK and discuss things if not during a working week but on the weekend/day off for sure.

Before discussing serious topics it's important

1. to have a good sleep/rest (so you are both in a good mood)

2. after you've had some nice breakfast/lunch/dinner or during it

If he needed some space, he SHOULD HAVE SAID for how long.

It's very unfair to be so childish towards you.

Being a single parent is a breeze compared to being married to someone who's emotionally distant and emotionally abuse.

...call me a cynical old bag, but it seems to me that he has set you up to be the bad guy here by treating you so badly that you ultimately had no choice but to ask him to leave. Why did he agree so readily to leave the family home and accept that the marriage is over without wanting to make any effort to save it? Can you be absolutely certain that there isn't an OW?

I can see you love him and ideally would like to save your family but, of course, he needs to want the same thing.

If he is giving up so easily, could it be he is having someone else on his mind?

I really like this channel 'Marriage Helper'. It has helped to save many marriages.

Firstly it sounds like you need to spend a bit of love on yourself. He’s a twat for letting you go. You need to be kind to yourself whilst you grieve the loss of the man you thought he was / hoped he was. I find nice smelling soaps and shampoos, candles, lovely bedding, moisturisers, a good book all help me relax and feel good about myself.

Expect the next 6 months to be tough as you find the new normal but it absolutely does get better. You will come out the other side. Just focus on your new life.

Being a single parent sure beats living with someone who brings you down! Definitely guys will fancy you and there are future relationships out there if you want them! The world is your mollusc…. Put on some happy music and dance into the next phase of your life!

Wow thank you for just lovely uplifting responses.. I do believe its the end i trief communicating again for last time for my sanity and now im done with it all. He told me his busy and that was almost 24 hours ago. Sad really sad. Yes im thinking maybe he is interested in someone else. What should i do i dont know whether i should just ignore any calls messages from him till im ready? I want to just get on with me without any disturbance from him for a bit

He's been abusing you for years, and you will be so much better off in the future. This is the tough bit - getting over the hurt, the sadness, the sense of abandonment and all the 'if onlys' - but you'll come to realise that he's been hurting you and damaged you and that you can repair. You will feel so much better in time, even tho life may be tough for a time - you will feel a better person living it! It's OK to feel sad - it's what you have to go through, but in time you will feel so much better. Good luck OP!

It sounds to me as if he has been cold and emotionally abusive for a long time, and it's knocked your self esteem into the gutter. Let him go. As for responding to communications from him - stick only to the factual and the practical. Start the divorce and communicate only about that and about contact with your DC. You can save emails from him into a separate folder and only look at it once a week so that you aren't constantly bombarded with reminders. Put yourself in control.

You will recover from this. Spend some time being single and learning your own strength. Build a family unit that is just you and your DC. Find out that single parenting is hard but has its upsides too. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time and you will be fine.

Yes hes not been speaking to me not even a text to see how is Lo but its ok Lo is happy. I do feel like he checked out and just needs reasons to blame me. Even leaving is my fault he blamed me that im the problem. I wouldnt be an issue if he showed care and love. I ask for nothing no money no clothes etc just some of his time @pointythings saddened though as i gave so much and still being blamed at the end. I hope i get some strength together i am missing lots of old memories but u guess its all part of the loss. Am even thinking has he changed his tone as there's someone else or he never really liked me from the start

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I guess everything happens for a reason? It'll probably be a blessing in disguise.

I have also just separated from my partner (we have 2 youngish kids). I'm trying to stay strong as I know it will be for the best in the long run. Let me know if you need to chat :)

My life isn’t perfect. I have great friends, kids, career etc I suggest you realise you have been a single parent just one in a marriage which is shit.

Sometimes I miss a partner but when I think I did all his washing ironing child care (yes he called it baby sitting not parenting !) and cooking I didn’t have to scrub the shit off the side of the toilet etc you will survive and you are able to meet someone who truly loves you. I haven’t yet but I will - that much I know