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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Clarity

7 replies

Moonshine101 · 28/09/2021 19:29

I’ve been with my partner for 17 years and we have two kids together. We’ve been engaged for years but have never set a date.
I’ve been re-evaluating my situation recently and finally had an epiphany- (well to be honest it’s been nagging at me for a long time) I’ve realised that he has no intention of making any kind of commitment to us.
I’ve always put it down to the fact that financially it would be difficult but now we’re both employed and although things would be tight, it would be manageable.
Over the years, there’s always been a reason not to move in together, not to be a proper family which is what I want (though that might sound cheesy) but he’s alway played the finance card. While I was a SAHM He always dangled the carrot of “when you get a job and we have decent money coming in, then we’ll do it” I’ve done all that and still he makes excuses. I’ve been chasing that freakin’ carrot for so long. I feel like if it hasn’t happen by now, it never will. I guess I wondering if I should stick this out or sack it off?

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 28/09/2021 19:31

Or give an ultimatum, we do X by this date or re-evaluate what we are doing here?

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/09/2021 19:31

Stick it out?!? It’s been SEVENTEEN YEARS!

He is a liar and completely avoidant.

Sorry OP. Your instincts are (finally) correct - he’s been stringing you along.

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2021 19:41

It sounds as though you’ve been lying to yourself for a long time but you know the truth really

fumfspos · 28/09/2021 19:55

What the absolute fuck??
You've been together 17 years and have two children and don't even live together. Never mind the engagement - that just shows he has no intention of committing whatsoever.

What's all this stuff about finances? Load of bollocks. It would have made way more sense to live together as you could save on two households.
Was he paying towards the children while you were a SAHM? How are the finances shared?

Sounds to me like he's been living the life of riley, girlfriend on tap when he wants but also has his own place. Has two children and presumably spends time and has fun without them but without actually having to live with them and deal with all of their needs.

Sack him off. What a piece of shit he is

coodawoodashooda · 28/09/2021 22:15

What a prick.

Funnylittlefloozie · 28/09/2021 22:19

You have two kids together and he still can't be bothered to live with you? Does that mean you did all the feeds, all the night waking, all the basic shitwork if small children, and he just turned up and played dad when he felt like it?

I'm so sorry, my love, but he has absolutely taken you for a mug.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/09/2021 22:20

Sorry, why didn’t he want to live with his children? What financial support has he given you and his kids over the very many years this has gone on?

Obviously, finally stop believing his bs and sack it off.

I’m still processing some of this.

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