What to reveal about yourself on first date/phone call etc?

[Rosewaterblossom]

I've started dating again and I've learned that in the past I've probably revealed too much to soon about me, past relationships etc.

This time I want it to work, intend to set healthy boundaries and no repeat the past.

Any tips please on what to reveal/not to on first few dates/phone calls?

Don’t tell them where you live, maybe the area of course but if they ask where as in what street then I think this is a red flag and usually a pushy man.

Don’t mention anything that makes you vulnerable so just chat about common interests really and no politics or religion and now, vaxxers and antivaxxers! Just keep it light is my advice, I have had exactly the same issues as you in the past and I have just decided to be single until I learn.

Thanks for reply. What sort of things would make me vulnerable for example?

I would ask questions about, their days off, hobbies, if there's any children and what days they see them on, see if your going to be compatible with timing dates together.

If they ask about your ex just keep the reason a bit generic and brief such as the relationship had run its course, incompatible due to lifestyle etc, not lying but not going into detail, remember there's no expectation for you to go on a date if you don't get a good feeling from the phone call.

Tbh most prefer to talk about themselves.

My ex is an alcoholic and was abusive and I'm never sure whether to mention that one! So I try and keep things lighthearted and ask lots of questions myself. People do judge and you might as well take it a bit slower and keep things upbeat/no chats about being picky or lonely

I'd never tell them......

1. Where I live.
2. Where I work.
3. My landline number.
4. My surname (not until I knew them better).
5. What bus I took home.
6. The names of any hobby/sport groups I belonged to etc
7. Anything they could use against me e.g fears/phobias, abusive Ex's, personal traits (e.g. worrier/get upset easily), personal goals (e.g lose 2 stone by spring) etc etc Because it's too easy for the 'wrong' type of guy to pretend to be exactly the 'type' of guy you're looking for.

So, in brief, never let him know too much about your past or present, and never enough for him to either stalk you or be able to pretend to be the guy of your dreams (only to turn out to be a monster underneath).

Keep the topic of conversation light and breezy, with only vague answers that can't be used to find you again (e.g ''I work in retail/ I'm in publishing etc).