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Original poster

Will he say yes?

17 replies

LittleMo234 · 28/09/2021 10:08

So I finished with my long term boyfriend a few months back as I didn't feel our relationship was going anywhere. We still spent lots of time together as friends, with no physical contact and I caught feelings for him again.

I haven't seen anyone in the meantime and I'm fairly sure he hasn't either.

I told him last week and asked if we could be more than friends again. This seemed to take him by surprise as he looked shocked so I said he could think about it.

We've chatted about other stuff by text since but I'm seeing him for the first time in person tonight. I'm really hoping he wants to try again but prepared that I may have left it too late and we may just stay friends for now at least.

I feel like a teenager, I'm in my fifties and old enough to know better (or should be!)

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMo234 · 29/09/2021 10:06

So I saw him yesterday and it wasn't even mentioned.

So I'm guessing he's either happy to just stay friends or he's taking his time to think things over...

I'm kicking myself for ending things now. If we do get back together one day then emphasis will be firmly placed on communication!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 29/09/2021 10:20

Tbh it seems like there is a big mismatch there. Even as a friend he is not attuned to your needs and doesn't seem keen on coming forwards about his feelings. I think if there are still feelings on your part, it would be wise to step back from this 'friendship' too because its not really fair on either of you to continue if you're feelings are so out of sync.

Original poster
LittleMo234 · 29/09/2021 10:40

Maybe you're right Pinkbonbon they do say everything happens for a reason don't they?

I can't just cut him off as a friend though, we get on so well. I'm happy being single and certainly won't be begging him to start again so seeing him on a friend basis suits me for now.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMo234 · 30/09/2021 11:30

Just using this thread to write down my thoughts as no-one seems to be reading it anyway Smile

What I wanted when I became single was to find someone who'd be a friend first then gradually become more as I can't be doing with internet dating again (been there done that).

Maybe that's what I'll eventually have with my friend one day. Until then, I'm not ruling out meeting anyone else, but don't feel any pressure to go out and find someone, which is actually quite a nice place to be.

OP posts:
litterbird · 30/09/2021 15:09

As you finished with him several months ago I would just let him go, I wouldn't necessarily go back to someone who dumped me. It seems you get on better as friends, take that and be happy with it. You might go back to this relationship then dump him again then I will guarantee you wont see him for dust the next time.

girlmom21 · 30/09/2021 15:12

This man isn't your 'one'.

If he'd have been willing to give it another go you'd know by now.

Cas112 · 30/09/2021 15:27

Yes if he wanted to take this further again he would know and make it be known.

His hindrance should make it clear to you.

Maybe just be happy to have a friendship and move on.

StartingAgain6369 · 30/09/2021 16:19

@LittleMo234

Very interesting post and replies to date

I'm a 52 y/o male, what struck me the most is your friend may be confused on the current situation. He may also be trying to protect himself from getting hurt again

He has been on the receiving end of you cooling things off

We all know men are terrible at communicating emotional feelings

I'm in a communication situation myself with a stunning lady but I'm to scared to say anything

Try to get him to talk openly, but make sure you tell him exactly what you want in plain english

I really hope it works out for you

FairyAtTheBottomOfTheGarden · 01/10/2021 11:41

Thanks @StartingAgain6369

I wish I could get him to talk openly but it's something he struggles with and I don't want to make him feel any more uncomfortable...

I really don't want to lose this friendship. I've put my cards on the table and he knows I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing but that I'd be open for trying again if he wants to.

I hope your situation works out too, not easy is it?!

Original poster
LittleMo234 · 01/10/2021 11:42

D'oh! Name change fail!

OP posts:
SerenShine · 01/10/2021 11:51

[quote StartingAgain6369]@LittleMo234

Very interesting post and replies to date

I'm a 52 y/o male, what struck me the most is your friend may be confused on the current situation. He may also be trying to protect himself from getting hurt again

He has been on the receiving end of you cooling things off

We all know men are terrible at communicating emotional feelings

I'm in a communication situation myself with a stunning lady but I'm to scared to say anything

Try to get him to talk openly, but make sure you tell him exactly what you want in plain english

I really hope it works out for you[/quote]
Exactly this.

Some people are not good at communicating particularly after they've been hurt. Your ex may be scared of opening up again in case he is hurt again and he may not bring it up in case you have changed your mind about how you feel. Again.

I would have a gentle conversation where you reiterate how you feel, are understanding of how he feels but say you need to know so you can draw the line under things if all you're going to be is friends. Good luck.

StartingAgain6369 · 01/10/2021 17:00

@FairyAtTheBottomOfTheGarden

Thanks *@StartingAgain6369*

I wish I could get him to talk openly but it's something he struggles with and I don't want to make him feel any more uncomfortable...

I really don't want to lose this friendship. I've put my cards on the table and he knows I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing but that I'd be open for trying again if he wants to.

I hope your situation works out too, not easy is it?!

Thanks for your message

I met stunning lady for lunch today 1.30pm, we go back a long way 10 years or so

Anyway I managed to get my words out and all I will say is it didn't go the way I was hoping, she wants to stay friends but atm I'm not sure if I will be able to cope with that

I don't think I will be managing much sleep tonight

Original poster
LittleMo234 · 01/10/2021 22:22

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that @StartingAgain6369 Sad

They do say everything happens for a reason but that doesn't make it feel any better doesn't it?

I saw him today and it wasn't mentioned but we're still close as friends so I don't want to push it. Hope, for now, is preferable to rejection...

Wishing you happiness, and for tonight some sleep.

OP posts:
StartingAgain6369 · 02/10/2021 09:06

@LittleMo234 thank you for your message

The convo moved onto WhatsApp last night and it didn't end well at all, got very personal.

Reflecting on the events this morning both of us were only defending ourselves but the fallout was hurting the person we care for.

Original poster
LittleMo234 · 02/10/2021 13:05

@StartingAgain6369 I'm really sorry to hear that... after you plucking up the courage to talk you really didn't deserve that...

Hope you are in a better place soon and that Ms Right is just around the corner, you sound like you deserve someone lovely.

OP posts:
Womaninthistown · 02/10/2021 13:54

Hey LittleMo, I hope you find happiness with or without this chap.

I did notice you saying ”If we do get back together one day then emphasis will be firmly placed on communication!” but it doesn’t sound like you’re communicating well now. He’s mentioning it and you say you don’t want to ‘push’ but you’re not pushing if he cares about you. It does warrant a conversation.

HalzTangz · 15/10/2021 07:16

I disagree, if he wanted her back he would have said yes let's try again.

The fact he said nothing when asked or a few weeks later when they met again speaks volumes.

I would be the same as him, I wouldn't go back to someone that dumped me

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