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Relationships

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Fallen in love

18 replies

newtzy5ive · 28/09/2021 01:42

So I’m married and miserable I’ve fallen out of love with my husband for years I’ve recently met someone else and we have fallen for each other he wants me to move in with him and Says he will take my kids on too but I know my husband won’t allow that so I will have to move out and leave my kids I know I can’t live with this man anymore and I need a new life I am 49 and have found someone who makes my heart sing. Any advice guys would be truly appreciated xxx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2021 02:00

You would leave your children for a man you barely know? That's your brilliant plan to get out of an unhappy marriage?

Sally2791 · 28/09/2021 02:04

Put yourself in your children’s position. Get legal advice if you need to leave, but do not abandon your children for a new crush.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2021 02:10

Get legal advice, share custody, make a life for you and the children because your marriage is dead.

Then, after a while, think about another relationship. What you're doing right now is an exit affair. Don't blow up you children's lives for what is actually your emotions convincing you to leave a shit relationship. And stop lying and fooling around. You're a 49 yo mother FGS.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 28/09/2021 02:13

Another one for the ‘stop lying and fooling around’.

choli · 28/09/2021 02:42

How old are your kids?

Onthedunes · 28/09/2021 02:44

How old are your children?

Don't abandon them for this man who makes your heart sing.

Move out, live alone, try to put your children first.

Bexxe · 28/09/2021 03:42

Just FYI - my mom did this and I resented her for years. Not for leaving an unhappy marriage, that I could understand. What I couldn’t understand was why she chose to do it the way she did. Why she chose to role model lies and cheating to us, why she chose to stamp over my (imperfect but hard working) dads heart.
She moved in with the man she cheated on my father with and couldn’t understand why I refused to see her whilst he was in her life (for clarity, I was about 13/14 at the time - but at 25 I still wouldn’t accept this man into my life).
In the end, he cheated on her and a few years later we began communicating again.

My point being, leave an un happy marriage, your children will understand. But do it the right way, leave on your own, set up on your own and then introduce this man at the right time.
I’m telling you now unless your husband is violent or a horrid human, your kids will not want to come with you to this all singing and all dancing happy new life

Sakurami · 28/09/2021 03:56

Christ.

Sorry your marriage or divorce. Then once you are properly split then you're free to date other people. Don't jump from ship to ship though. This isn't all about you, this is your kids. Don't even think about moving them in with a man you barely know.

Sakurami · 28/09/2021 03:56

Sort not sorry

Tiredofbs123 · 28/09/2021 06:34

Separation and divorce can and does cause huge harm to children, in their present and into their future. The harm can be minimised in how you BOTH (parents, not the dodgy new guy who has no right to be discussing their lives) handle it.

You think walking out, your husband traumatised, your children abandoned will in any way leave your family ready for this.

For a man who ‘makes your heart sing’.

Please wake up and put your children first!

bubbleKey · 28/09/2021 06:40

I can understand why your husband would not want your children moving in with a stranger. Would you like it if he took them to live with his new fancy woman?

I would never put a man before my children!

Balonzette · 28/09/2021 06:46

Ummm DON'T LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN FOR A NEW BOYFRIEND???

That's my best advice.

This can't be serious? You are literally asking if you should leave your kids for a new boyfriend who isn't actually even a proper boyfriend yet seeing as you're still living as a married woman?!

Balonzette · 28/09/2021 06:47

I would live with a husband I was unhappy with for the rest of my life if it meant staying with my kids. Can't you just get your own place and share custody of your children like a good parent should?

Dery · 28/09/2021 08:14

@newtzy5ive

Advice?

Start thinking with your head and taking responsibility for yourself instead of wanting to be "rescued". That means finding your own place and making an alternative home for you and your children. If you do that, there is a very decent chance of preserving your relationship with your children. If you think with other parts of your anatomy, as you're currently doing, you will cause extreme pain and distress to your children who will have been abandoned by their mother so she can move in with her BF. That damage may never be repaired. Your children shouldn't be required to pay that price.

It's distressing to be miserable in your marriage. Ideally you would have left under your own steam but, for many people, falling for someone else is what galvanises them to leave their unhappy marriage.

Remember that at the moment, your BF is looking very shiny and new; time spent with him and sex with him have the added piquancy and excitement of the fact that you're not supposed to be together and therefore you have to snatch these moments to be together. Also, the comparison with your H in your miserable marriage is probably very flattering for your BF. I know of a few affairs which have turned into very contented and secure LTRs and the parties are still together decades later. That might be the case with your BF. But equally, this new relationship could crash and burn.

You surely don't want to smash up your children's hearts for any reason (because, have no doubt, having their mother choose a BF over them in the way that you're proposing will smash up their hearts) but in particular you don't want to have done it for a relationship which peters out.

If this new man loves you, he will wait for you while you extricate yourself from your marriage, find a new home for yourself and organise shared custody of your children. If he won't wait for you while you do that, then he doesn't love you.

You're 49 and you're a mother. Be sensible and mature about this, OP; don't act like a giddy teenager.

Dery · 28/09/2021 08:16

And, by the way, it sounds like you should leave your marriage whether or not you continue this new relationship.

supercali77 · 28/09/2021 08:27

Do not leave your kids. When you say husband will not allow, there's no such thing. You are entitled to have your kids with you. Stay in the family home and initiate a divorce. Or leave, find a place and take your kids with you. Do not leave for this new man and either abandon your kids or take them with you to this (to them) strangers house. It is totally unconscionable

KumquatQuince · 28/09/2021 08:42

You’d throw away your family life and your kids’ happiness for someone you’ve “recently met”? Why on earth would you do something so selfish and foolish? It’s probably infatuation not love anyway.

My advice: put your kids first.

And by the way, I know what I’m talking about, I’ve been in a similar situation. I put my kids first and haven’t regretted it for a second.

Dery · 28/09/2021 08:57

"Do not leave your kids. When you say husband will not allow, there's no such thing. You are entitled to have your kids with you. Stay in the family home and initiate a divorce. Or leave, find a place and take your kids with you. Do not leave for this new man and either abandon your kids or take them with you to this (to them) strangers house."

This really.

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