I think I've met someone amazing but...

[bearshoes]

...I'm terrified he will meet someone better!
Oh MN, you always are so helpful...
After literally years of being a single mum & online dating (mostly disastrous or spectacularly dull dates that have gone nowhere after an abusive relationship) I have met a guy who is kind, exciting, funny and there is an amazing connection. Lots of dates, going out of my way to see him, feeling like we are on the same page...
I have abandonment issues, my self esteem isn't great & DC dad isn't on the scene so not impossible to arrange childcare but tricky at times. And I'm sooooo tired all the time!
When we are together it's ace.
Then I have these random but frequent thoughts about him finding someone better who doesn't have to negotiate the childcare, is better off financially & has more to give time-wise/less tired etc etc.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for really, maybe some reassurance that these kind of feelings are normal & that there is a way to get rid of these thoughts...
He doesn't have kids, and the juggling act I have just to have a night out...
I really want this to work out...

Take a deep breath.

If this man is as amazing as you think he is then he will not be put off with the faff required to get a night off he will respect and appreciate the effort you are going to to see him.

If its a proper connection then its something you both feel and you need to try and worry less. He might well be wondering what a strong, beautiful and independent woman like you sees in him.

@FairFuming
Your reply made me well up!! I am quite hormonal. I am also really grateful to you for saying that. Thank you.

I would say to calm down and not overinvest in the relationship. Take it for what it is and enjoy. He might be thnking the same thing about you for all you know !

This is totally normal. My ex left us when my son was about 6 months old and it hit me really hard. I had a string of bad dates that never went anywhere after that and kind of accepted my happily ever after probably wasn't going to happen. Then when my son was 2, I met a great guy. He was kind and attentive. He was great with my son (although we waited about 6 months before I introduced them). He lived about an hours drive away from us and I always thought why would he keep coming down to see us and want to spend time with us when he could have a gf closer to home that didn't have childcare commitments? I had been burned before so I didn't think it would last. Those feelings are totally normal. But...he consistently travelled down twice a week for 2 years. Then we moved in with him. We have now been together for 10 years, married for 4 and have a 6 year old daughter! He is a great dad. He has always treated my son as his own. He is just as kind and attentive as when we first met. Who knows what the future holds for you and this guy but accept that you are worthy of love and happiness.

Ah, you see, nobody is perfect, so particularly at an early stage, don't put someone on a pedestal.Its going to create problems unnecessarily, if you convince yourself at the start that he is better than you - he's not, he's just maybe different to others.
Keep your realistic head on, it's not easy dating someone who doesn't have DC's for a start. They don't get the tiredness, the lack of time, and the effort that goes into arranging time together. You might find he doesn't 'get'kids even. You need to take ample time to assess things before introducing him to your DC's.
What you are seeing in him at the momen are his best bits, if you still think he's as great after a year (maybe even 2) then you can say youve maybe found a good one. I think you might get carried away on a wave, easy to do at the start, just try to see the wood for the trees, keep some rational thought.

Thanks so much for the replies! @fluffyatemycake that's so lovely to read.
@Opentooffers yep, hear you. He is definitely different to others...

Then I have these random but frequent thoughts about him finding someone better...

Are these thoughts prompted by things he's doing/saying in between dates. Or are they purely coming from your own negative beliefs?

If the latter, I really think CBT could help you. I know your life feels mega full but could you squeeze an hour a week to read this book? Managing Anxiety with CBT for Dummies PLEASE don't be put off by the title! It's really genuinely helpful and not patronising, I promise!

Thanks @EvenMoreFuriousVexation
No, he has been nothing but cool between dates. Thoughts based entirely on my past experiences & lack of belief in myself.
Thank you.

In some ways the only way it works is that he's consistent over time, it builds trust, it reinforces the fact you can trust him. You also trust yourself, if you see any red flags you know you've got your back on it. You won't stick around for that just because you like someone. It takes time, be kind to yourself, reassure yourself x

Try not to get ahead of yourselves. Its great youve met someone who makes you feel all happy like that, but you HAVE to give a new relationship the space to either work out or not work out. Freaking out about abandonment in the early stages where you are both still trying to work out if you two will work will spoil the fun and the magic, and youve got as much right as him to decide if its got future