My uncle estranged from my father (his older brother) in the 1980s.
I had a difficult childhood and early adult life owing to my fathers alcoholism and DV, my parents had a horrific divorce, lots of trauma all round. My father blamed my mother for making his brother cut him off, and she/we were punished for it. The estrangement was a cloud over our lives.
I personally estranged from my father 4 years ago. After a while I reached out to my uncle and cousins, and my husband and I went for a cup of tea, I was struggling and trying to make sense of it all. My uncle and aunt were supportive and I felt heard. We discussed some generational dysfunction in our family and my uncle assured me that the estrangement was never my mum's fault.
My uncle and I have exchanged pleasant texts at Xmas in the two years since I met him. I've had a fair bit of counselling and I'm in a good place.
Yesterday I received a call out of the blue. My uncle was extremely emotional, sobbing, crying and then threatening to attack my dad. He said something has come up. He needs to get it off his chest but he will only tell me, his wife and grown kids are not to ever know.
I asked him if it was something that happened when he was a child and he said yes. But wouldn't tell me as he had family in earshot. He was absolutely broken, a 72 year old man sobbing on the phone to me. Crying and saying 'that fucking arsehole' over and over.
My cousin has been in touch with me as she is worried about her father crying and knew he had wanted to say something important to me. I haven't yet told her what was said. I've never met her or spoken to her, only text, so it's difficult.
I haven't been able to sleep and concentrate. I'm not sure how to approach this (I have my own pain caused by my dad). I feel in limbo at the moment. I don't even know if my uncle will end up telling me.
Does anyone have any advice?