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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is he like this

6 replies

user8092437188290 · 27/09/2021 18:09

Anytime I make a friend my husband can be rude to them.

For background he's lovely to his friends and friends he makes but not to people I make friends with. He finds fault with them and moans about them to me about things they say or how their kids are towards our son.

One of my friends from childhood lives a long way from me and we meet up a couple times a year with our kids so we saw each other just recently. Her child seriously injured himself when we were out so she had to take him to hospital (he had broken his wrist) I came home with the kids later on that day and told him what had happened. He never once asked how friends ds was, just ranted about how it was a waste of the day, a waste of our money for her just to leave. It wasn't, the kids and I had a lovely day together. She paid admission for her and her son, not me.

He used to be so lovely and friendly to everyone but over the last several years I've noticed him turning into an arsehole. He says nothings wrong when I tell him he's changed and he's currently in a huff with me because I said I can't be bothered listening to his latest rant about one of my school mum friends being nosey when she wasn't, she just asked how things were going with our eldest at school (he had additional needs) and knows all the hoops we've had to get him the support he needs.

He's not like this all the time. We have nice days out together with the kids, he can be fun but so grumpy sometimes that he makes me want to just pack up and leave. I've told him he needs to be nicer because he's an arsehole to people I know and he says he's not.

I just don't understand why he's not nice to my friends. He doesn't like that I don't want to drink with him but love having a few wines with my friends.

OP posts:
burritofan · 27/09/2021 18:10

Because he doesn’t want you to have friends. 🚩

user8092437188290 · 27/09/2021 18:17

I thought that too but why would he over the last few years not want me to have friends when it was never an issue when we started seeing one another 20 years ago.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 27/09/2021 18:22

He's trying to drive your friends away, make them feel unwelcome, make you anxious about seeing your friends, take away your support network. Once you are isolated, abuse is harder to resist.

How is he with your parents and siblings?

Be really careful OP, don't let him do it to you.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 27/09/2021 20:08

I had an ex who did this...we never lived together so it was easy to keep him away from my friends and family...he was charming to his own friends but rude to mine....one of the many reasons i ended the relationship.

timesachangin · 27/09/2021 20:16

Is it a lockdown thing? He's realised he prefers you all to himself?

user8092437188290 · 27/09/2021 20:32

He's fine with my parents, I don't have any siblings.

I'll never become isolated. If I tell him I'm going out he doesn't care, says he's glad I'm having fun (and means it) but then is frosty when he sees my friends in person.

It's weird.

OP posts:
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