Shady DP?

[Jemma128]

Need a little rant and some advice…

My DP has been acting funny for months now, I’m currently 16.5 weeks pregnant and have been really poorly since around 8 weeks. He’s barely been supportive which has been really disheartening since he really wanted another baby yet since falling pregnant just hasn’t been interested.

Anyway he’s been hiding his phone at night times and been really sneaky with it, big red flag for me as I’ve been in this situation with him 5 years ago..same shady behaviour. My youngest was sick at 3.30 this morning and I really struggled to get back to sleep so I went on his phone to read (usually get to sleep by reading as I do struggle to switch off at night after a work shift) I went on his Instagram to just generally look as we have joint friends etc and noticed how many girls photos he’s liked in the last 6-7 weeks..half naked girls etc. Not celebrities or models…girls from our area. This literally set me off in thinking he’s definitely up to something but I thought I’d just mention it in the morning and not stress about it in case I’m just over reacting..as I’ve gone to click off I noticed his App Store open on the slidey bit (hard to explain, i think it’s where you click and your open apps appear) and Snapchat was right on there as in he searched for it. So I downloaded it, logged on and every bad feeling I had was right. He’s been downloading Snapchat whilst I’m at work and then deleting it before I get home! I didn’t manage to read many conversations because I just started hyperventilating, it felt like my heart was about to pound out my chest. He woke up and I chucked him his phone and said nice sneaky Snapchat before leaving the house for a drive.

I managed to calm down and return home before my boys woke up. He spent the whole morning apologising, saying it looks bad but it’s not what it looks like..I just don’t believe him, I’ve been here before with him. He’s made himself look so shady. I’ve dropped some stuff off at his mums as I just want a few days to myself to think about everything. He’s deactivated Snapchat now but won’t show me any messages, he says I need to get over it and we shouldn’t argue about it.

Easier said than done!
Any advice on what to do

You should have dumped his sorry arse altogether five years ago.

Do not take him back now. I would plan a life without him going forward and raise your children as a single parent. He is not trustworthy and this is repeated behaviour from him. I would also consider giving your as yet unborn child your surname rather than his.

He has not changed at all. He's still a sleazy cheating bastard. Tell him to stay at his mum's for good.

That is so sad OP. You and your children need more than him, I'd rather be on my own than deal with this over and over. Best of luck in your pregnancy, I hope you find the courage to move on without him. I would tell his mum exactly what the arsehole had been upto as well. Good luck.

Of course he wants you to 'just get over it'. You've caught him at it and he's minimising and deflecting in the hope it will blow over so he can carry on snap chatting other women (at the very least) only being more careful about hiding it.

You should just get over it because it's so much easier for him that way?

What a prick. He can stay at his moms.

So sorry you going through this , especially while not feeling great and pregnant
Summon up any bit of strength you have to pack the rest of his stuff and dump it in a garage / shed / wherever he can collect it from
Leopard and spots comes to mind

he says I need to get over it and we shouldn’t argue about it

Well, of course he would say that!! Makes his life much, much easier 😊😊

he says I need to get over it and we shouldn’t argue about it

He doesn't get to determine what happens next.
OP you know he is a cheat now. Don't let him minimise his behaviour.
LTB

He actually said you need to get it over it? Like it’s no big deal! What a prick.

Honestly think you need to make plans to get over him. However hard, you and your dc deserve better not a lying cheating pile of crap. Don’t let him minimise your feelings on this op.

How dare he be angry at you? He's trying to close the conversation down by turning it on you. An absolute given for anyone who has cheated. He will never change and you and your children deserve so much better.

Jemma, he has form and is back at it. This man isn’t safe.

He wanted a new baby, yet here you are—pregnant and feeling ill for weeks while he is unsupportive, disengaged, and pursuing other women. Even now, he continues treating you with contempt by refusing to show you the messages and telling you to get over it. This is not the behavior of a remorseful man.

You’ve previously written about his abusive and negligent behavior.

Don’t sabotage your future with this selfish serial cheat. He is a toxic partner, and this is a dysfunctional relationship model that your boys are learning.

Tell him to show you the messages THEN you'll get over it.

The second he got to saying you should 'get over it' I was like - nope! Game utterly over. He isn't sorry and is trying to gaslight you into thinking you have no right to be angry at his vile behaviour. Sod that jerk.

He sucks. He wouldnt be good enough for me to consider an acquaintance. Let alone a partner. I like the people in my life to gave basic human decency. Its not a high standard.

Good on you fir not taking any of his shite!
Ltb