Some of you very kindly helped me a few weeks ago when I decided to end my relationship over the phone with my boyfriend who put me in limbo for nearly 3 weeks. I ended it by leaving a WA voice message as he was becoming very flakey.
Well….now I please need your words of closure to help me resign him to the bin of ‘bad exes’!
This morning he said he was finally going to come and get his stuff around lunchtime. I said fine but that I was out for lunch but I’d arrange for someone to let him in…he said he’d let me know when he was on his way. I didn’t hear anything more so left just after 1pm to go to my friend’s and, lo and behold, he pulls up behind me as I was getting in the car (so he probably intended on turning up unannounced anyway). He gave his usual swagger and charm… a few off hand snidey comments but I didn’t give anything away, didn’t answer him when he said ‘So, what’s new with you?’, didn’t offer to help him load the car, didn’t offer drink or food or anything. I was polite but there were no emotions there.
This is what I need support/MN sisterhood with please….he said ‘Oh I guess we won’t cross paths as we live so far apart?’ (I agreed we wouldn't), and he said ‘It was good whilst it lasted’ and hugged me (fair enough). But then I was looking at him thinking, ‘Please just leave now in a civilised manner’….but no, he had to say ‘It was just that that walk that did it for me, I saw a side of you I couldn't deal with (those of you who saw my first thread will know this is the walk where he saw my supposed argument with my daughter and that was the reason he wasn’t sure about me apparently!)’ So…..I just had to stand my ground and deliver some home truths (after all, I was the one who ended the relationship!) and said:
- If you are still saying that a relationship is worth ending because of me disciplining my child that is BS
- Who the hell are you to judge my parenting style anyway?
- You dragged her out of the restaurant the night before and hurt her arm, and scared her (my DD is 11)
- You gave me the near-silent treatment for nearly 3 weeks
- You didn’t turn up for a whole day when you had promised myself and my children you would and never got in touch to explain
- Your behaviour was unacceptable and out of order
- You need to be careful next time you get involved with a family, the way you come across is not how you think
Anyway, we ended up parting on pretty bad terms. When I ended it a few weeks ago I did it in a civilised fashion, but him having to dig again today and have the last word made me feel I had to tell him the ‘darker’ side of why I ended it. My neighbour saw him drive past her house at warp speed apparently – so he must have been very angry.
She has said that this is all about him having to have the last word and not accept I ended it. And me telling him those home truths will have made him furious. She says it just reinforces I did the right thing by ending it.
So why do I still feel like I’m in shock? I know it’s right that I ended it, but I didn’t want to see him today and I didn’t want to part finally on these terms. Do I simply resign myself to accepting he was just a nasty piece of work?