Should I tell her that I like her?

[keensplade]

Hello folks. I'll try to keep this story short. There's one girl, a crush you may say ( just big one ). I like her very much, not just because she's pretty, but she's genuinely a good person, but she considers me as a friend. we've known each other for couple of months, and I've never even once made an attempt to show my interest for her. Until recently, when I was thinking about her, I told myself, go and ask her out on a date, if she agrees that's fine, if she does not it's not the end of world right? So I did ask her out, but I did not specify that I wanted to take her on a date. All I said was, hey do you wanna have a drink this evening, on which she actually agreed, so as you may expect our "date" went like a normal evening, when you just drink with your buddies and nothing else. But the thing is, she considers me as a friend. When we talk with each other(even before this event) she randomly drops the word friend, like goodbye friend or similar. On that night, we went to a pub, so as you may know a lot of drunk people talk with you, and everyone was like. Oh you are couple right? on which she immediately answered no we are just friends. Also she told me stuff, that you only tell to your friend :(( Like, there was one guy (she actually still likes him), who turned out to be an ar*hole and kind of broke her heart. Anyway, I know this is a long post, full of grammatical mistakes. All I want to know is that if it's worth trying? I mean it's always worth trying right? But since we are on a very good terms, I don't want to ruin that relationship, even though we see each other rarely lately. On the following day after that night, I wrote to her if she was okey and we talked a bit, and eventually asked if she wanted to go out again and she agreed. The thing is, I rushed everything. I wrote to her, is next week fine? But she said no, as she's leaving for another town for couple of days, and she said, when she's back she will write and we can arrange another meeting. I am not sure if she writes to me or not, but even if we go out together again I want it to be sort of date, so would it be wise to tell her that I like her, and would love to go on a date with her? I don't want to sound like an egoistic person ( I really am not), all I want to do is make clear to her what my intentions are. Sorry for my English guys and for this long post. Thanks in advance

She's not interested. Sorry.

And you need to work out if you're actually interested in being her friend. Because hanging out with her in case she changes her mind is sad for you and worrying for her.

I would guess that from her cues, she is either making a point of telling you she just sees you as a friend OR she is trying to get you to clarify what you want.

BUT I think because she has literally said to you that she still likes someone else...that can't really be misinterpreted. Because you don't talk to people you fancy about still fancying other people. It might even be possible she said that in order to make it clear to you that she only sees you as a friend.

I think op, if she dies get back I'm touch about meeting you again (leave the ball in her court until then) just text something like 'hey so I always love our chats and was thinking, I'd love to take you on a proper date. If you'd like?'. If her answer is anything other than a straight up obvious yes, then she is not interested.

Also though, she is not your friend, she is someone you fancy. So whatever happens, do not continue things as a 'friendship'. As its not fair on either of you. Because its based on a lie.

wait & see if she lets you know when she's back & then just ask if it's a date date or a friend drink just so you know & there are no misunderstandings on either side

I think - IF she contacts you again once she's moved town etc I think you can be very clear and state you are asking her out for a proper date. Given the possible language barrier you may be having - actually being specific here may be a good idea. However I think you need to be prepared to be "friend-zoned" i.e. - she just wants to be friends with you - she's possibly only being polite agreeing to the drink you had before. Please don't hassle her if she says no.

And you need to work out if you're actually interested in being her friend. Because hanging out with her in case she changes her mind is sad for you and worrying for her.

This, really.

You need to ask her outright on a date and if she says no, you can't really stay friends with her because you'll always be wanting more. And that means you aren't really friends with her now as you have an ulterior motive - you want her to change her mind and go from being friends (which she has clearly stated repeatedly is how she sees you) to more.

It's messy and tbh as a woman it's such a shit feeling when you realise a bloke you thought was a mate, who you've confided in on that basis, was sticking around in the hope you'd shag them at some point. It's really not a nice feeling and it's not fair.

Are you the same poster who was in love with a photo from an OLD site? Very similar writing style.

@youvegottenminuteslynn That's precisely why I don't want to kind of force her into anything. I just want to make clear that I don't perceive her just as "friend". When she get's back and if she contacts me, I'll make sure to ask her out properly, but I am afraid she will not. She will write to me on a random occasion I am sure, but may not mention that we were supposed to go out together. That's why I need to know, should I tell her ( in case she does not contact me) or not that she's not just a friend. Or go on with my life, because, once again, I don't really want to force her into anything.
@IfIHadAHeart No that's not me. It's my first post on this site

Yes, definitely ask her out, make your interest clear. Nothing wrong in asking but I think she already senses there is more to it than simple friendship on your side by calling you 'friend' etc. Might be that she just wants clarity, might be that she isn't interested and wants you to pick up on that.

As others have said, if you want more, don't continue the friendship without saying. It is quite awkward and sort of hover-y, not making a move but just passively hoping things will go that way. Not nice for either of you.

If she says 'yes' to a date then fantastic! If she says 'no', then leave it in her court about the friendship or withdraw and wish her well if it's too hard for you. I think decisive action, voicing your feelings is key here. Good luck!

I don't think it's the same guy. This one sounds much more normal!!

Re waiting for her to get in touch. I don't think it matters either way if you text her when she's back or wait and see if she does. If you don't hear, that's probably an indication but no harm in asking to be sure.

You can remain her friend for ever.

You can be her life partner for ever. Just with this, you need to pick your moment right. Do not push it. Do not force it. Let it happen naturally. There is even a song that says this from about 1980 I recall. The lyrics popped into my head when I read your post.

Remember, whatever happens you can still be friends. But you need to approach this maturely.

Do not push too hard.

@Zeal

You can remain her friend for ever.

You can be her life partner for ever. Just with this, you need to pick your moment right. Do not push it. Do not force it. Let it happen naturally. There is even a song that says this from about 1980 I recall. The lyrics popped into my head when I read your post.

Remember, whatever happens you can still be friends. But you need to approach this maturely.

Do not push too hard.

The problem with this is that I have male friends who I'm drunk with, have slept in the same bed with, cried on the shoulder of, hugged etc. I feel safe with them. I'd hate to think they were just waiting to pounce.

Be a friend or not but don't hang around creepily.

Are you American op? I read this in an American accent 🤔

@Freeloadingtosser So even if I write to her first, sort of, "hey do you remember we were supposed to meet up and actually I want to make this a date", would not that make me kind of a needy?
@MrsTerryPratchett I maybe misinterpreting the word "pounce", but if I wanted to get laid with her, I surely would not be asking for an advice on an online forum
@TheVolturi Nope, I am not from an English speaking country

[quote keensplade]@Freeloadingtosser So even if I write to her first, sort of, "hey do you remember we were supposed to meet up and actually I want to make this a date", would not that make me kind of a needy?
@MrsTerryPratchett I maybe misinterpreting the word "pounce", but if I wanted to get laid with her, I surely would not be asking for an advice on an online forum
@TheVolturi Nope, I am not from an English speaking country[/quote]
Dutch?

I don't think she wants to go on a date with you. I wouldn't ask now.

I assume you're very young from how you are writing, but young girls and guys too change what they want and who they like from 1 week to the next. Right now she is interested in someone else, if you ask her out all you do is blow your shot. You really shouldn't be asking someone out again if they reject you so its best to ask when they aren't into someone else. Wait till that blows over and ask, and then you'll have a better shot.

Just be a good person now, I'd probably try to avoid talking about her love interests and try to make the conversation about other things. Try to be interesting, go out together and do fun and different things, don't be boring and have fun but most of all don't talk to her about other guys. Just redirect the convo if it goes there.

And 100% under no conditions are you to mope around her or be negative in any way. Just keep everything light and fun.

@IfIHadAHeart

Are you the same poster who was in love with a photo from an OLD site? Very similar writing style.

I was thinking exactly the same

@TheVolturi Nope
@HalzTangz Can I have a link to that topic? :d

@Shelddd

I don't think she wants to go on a date with you. I wouldn't ask now.

I assume you're very young from how you are writing, but young girls and guys too change what they want and who they like from 1 week to the next. Right now she is interested in someone else, if you ask her out all you do is blow your shot. You really shouldn't be asking someone out again if they reject you so its best to ask when they aren't into someone else. Wait till that blows over and ask, and then you'll have a better shot.

Just be a good person now, I'd probably try to avoid talking about her love interests and try to make the conversation about other things. Try to be interesting, go out together and do fun and different things, don't be boring and have fun but most of all don't talk to her about other guys. Just redirect the convo if it goes there.

The problem is not that she likes or used to like someone. She just brought it up randomly. She was talking about her ex and how this guy resembled him, but he did not turn out to be the person she hoped to see. Anyway I am all confused now. If I wait, I am afraid it's going to be too late. As I already mentioned, we no longer see each other often, but if I rush things now, that's going to be even worse

I don't think it would make you sound needy. She might not accept, but you asking rather than waiting for her to contact you won't make any difference. The point is, if you want to ask her on a date you need to put yourself out there and ask. She's said to pick up the conversation when she's back though, so would wait until then at least.