My DH and I have been together 9 years. We have kids. Very recently he's been saying that he's not happy, not coping etc. And I mean very recently, in the last week or so. But before that he will every so often have these sort of short bursts of depression and say he wants to see the doctor but never see them. He's struggling with a work/home balance. I think he'd prefer to be home more. But then when he's home and stressing at everyone because he's stressed (he can't handle his stress alone, he makes everyone else feel it too) he says things like he wants to get a job where he's away from us for five days or so at a time and then he won't be pissing everyone off so much. I just think he needs to manage his emotions better! He does have a problem with executive dysfunction and is chaotically messy and disorganised, but he chooses to turn that spotlight on others. If the kids are being messy, thoughtless or whatever, he gives them a really stern lecture, but he doesn't seem to recognise that he is actually far worse. No, he doesn't leave plates and cups everywhere, but he discards his socks all around, stacks loads of rubbish on every surface, loses everything, leaves tools and mess everywhere and nothing ever gets finished! He creates a lot of these problems and then gets incredibly frustrated that he can't sort them out. He's full of ideas all the time, but lacks the money/drive to implement them and says things like "we'll be stuck in this house forever." This is a four bed family home we've had a lot of work done on, and he talks about it like it's a shack and he was born to so much better.
Whenever he gets like this, he gets ice cold towards me. Won't touch me, will barely talk to me. I honestly can't believe that he doesn't know I cried myself to sleep last night because it's been a week of snapping and cold shouldering, but he did nothing. Nothing at all. Doesn't he love me? He's like this maybe 10% of the time, and he's honestly fine the other 90, but I don't believe that he doesn't know how hurtful I find this and how it makes me feel unloved.
I think his main problem is that he doesn't like his job and that there's so much still outstanding to do in this house. But I can't sort these things out for him. And I don't want to walk on eggshells any of the time, not even 10%! How do I help him?