Ex taking child on holiday over Christmas

[HuckleberryFields]

My ex has said that he would like to take DS5 to Ireland over Christmas. Ex's partner's family live there which is the reason for going. When he first mentioned it I made my feelings known that I absolutely did not want that to happen and I would never ask the same of him. When I tried to arrange annual leave today he said in front of DS that he still wants to take him. (DS actually immediately said he didn't want to go). I said that we would discuss it in private.
Last year we agreed one would have Christmas Eve / Christmas Day and then go to other parent on boxing Day and switch each year. This would be his first year of having DS on Christmas Day. He hasn't given me exact dates yet but he alluded to it being at least a week and not returning in time for boxing day.
Ex's family all live near me so if he had to stay behind he would not be alone. DS has never been to Ireland or met her family. Ex does see him regularly but I fail to see how this is a reasonable request when he will miss out on time with half his family (the ones who see him the most) over Christmas at an age when he's so excited about it. He's never taken DS away anywhere before so suggesting taking him on a plane over Christmas is a big jump.
As you can probably tell I'm really upset about this so I would really appreciate some gentle advice on this one please as I'm not sure what's reasonable and how to respond.

Dads partner is part of Dad’s family, although obviously he doesn’t know the rest of her family.
They are a bunch of strangers. I wouldn’t want my 5yo spending Christmas with a bunch of strangers. Oops ex just trying to have a fun Christmas for him and no thought for his child, do you think he’s carefully planning great presents that will fit on a flight or that’s another sacrifice the 5yo would be expected to make? No this year, ds gets a proper Christmas, and if his dad wants to swap days and take him away Boxing Day that would be ok.

It depends partly on how much you trust your ex to make Christmas magical for your DS. Your DS doesn't know any of these people, they are strangers to him and he doesn't want to go. So he's going to be very dependent on his father for company and support. If actually your ex just wants a fun Christmas for himself hanging out with gf and her family and can't be bothered to make your DS feel secure or do all the kids' Christmas stuff, your DS is going to be one lonely, unhappy little boy. 5 is so little to be disillusioned. Also, a week is too long for a first trip away. He needs to build up to that.

@Smurf123

Where are you op? It's not exactly far to get from England/Scotland to Ireland so surely he could bring him back on Boxing Day as normal? I wouldn't want to be away from my kids on Christmas but it sounds like you aren't going to see him to Boxing Day anyway? You don't need to a passport to fly but you do need photographic id do you ds would/ should need his passport though

If DS is u16 he can travel with easyJet on his parents ID between Ireland and England (been there had to do that when dd lost her passport just before a holiday).

Are there going to be any other children in the household? Or is this just a house full of drunk adult strangers that your ds doesn't know?

If your ds said he doesn't want to go, I'd say no too. It doesn't sound like it would be much fun for a 5 yo. Your ex wants to go and have a nice adult time with his girlfriend, and your poor ds will just have to fit in and put up with it.

Who says they’re going to be drunk?

If the child doesn't want to go that would be my answer in a nut shell but I wonder why he doesn't want to go? Will he miss his mum/other family members? Would he prefer Xmas at home? Is he scared of flying or of meeting new people?

To play devil's advocate this could be a really fun adventure with his Dad. Going to a new country, maybe there will be other kids around at the girlfriends family home? I'd this girlfriend likely to be a permanent fixture, does DS get on with her?

It's possible DS is saying he doesn't want to go because he can see you don't want him to go. Try and put your feelings aside and think about whether DS might enjoy the experience. If his Dad can be trusted to look after him and prioritise his needs then I don't see why this shouldn't go ahead in some form - you can still negotiate dates.

Lots of PP making negative assumptions about the Dad that aren't evident from the OP and her updates.

@SuperCaliFragalistic not sure people are jumping to conclusions. See the ops post - regular overnights are only really since a year. He moved away from his child and only moved back when moving in with his gf. This is not a dedicated dad. It’s not a dad who will suddenly prioritise his 5yo and give him a great Christmas on what will also be the first time he’s ever taken him away.
Ex was living several hours away until last summer when he and his partner moved in together near me and DS so before that he hadn't been having him regularly overnight which is why Christmas was more on my terms I guess because he was just less involved.

Absolutely not. He's only 5 so even if he said he wanted to go, he wouldn't understand the reality of the situation. Meeting a bunch of people he doesn't know, unfamiliar surroundings, all the travel. Most kids want to be at home enjoying their presents. It's very selfish of your ex to suggest it, he's only thinking of himself and his dick.

People saying he doesn't want DS with him but wants to be able to blame the OP for it?

People claiming that he'll be putting DS in a house full of pissed adults?

I'm no apologist for absent fathers but only the OP knows if he's trying to do better now and may genuinely want to take DS away for a fun, Christmas adventure. Christmas doesn't have to be at home to be good and ex is allowed to suggest new things for them to do.

Him exploring the option doesn't make him the bad guy but then you saying no doesn't make you the bad guy. It should be up to the child.

That's not the agreed arrangement so it can't happen. Added to that your son doesn't want to go.

Thank you for all the responses.

I'm not opposed to ex taking DS away it's just that he never has so I don't know how it would go and what DS would make of it. I'm sure he'd love it but I just mentioned for context.

I haven't really got much idea about the plan while they're away as he has only mentioned it on these two occasions and seeing as he knew how I felt about it I was annoyed that he would mention it in front of DS rather than having a discussion about it when DS isn't around. I would ask DS what he wants if we can agree a reasonable plan but like someone said I don't want him to feel he has to choose and children are so intuitive even if I tried my best to hide how I felt I think he might still pick up on it.

I do think ex tries to do his best for him but the amount of time he has spent with him 1-1 has been limited as he normally spends his contact with his family where there is another 5 year old about who's mum often cooks for them. Which does make me wonder how he would manage on holiday for a week with no one really helping him and I don't want DS to have a crap time because of this. Like someone said if this was a half term or summer holiday it would be different but it's Christmas and DS may enjoy going to Ireland but I know he would enjoy seeing my family and ex's like he normally would.

I agree that his gf is part of DS's family and I'm happy for him to go another time.

I will suggest the alternatives suggested here of returning in time for Christmas or taking him from boxing day. The annoying thing is that he will just leave it to me to sort rather than try and arrange a civilised conversation himself!