Can we work on our marriage or is it over

[Kadia92]

Hey everyone just want some were to speak about how i am feeling

Me and husband had been arguing so i left the house with our daughter for a few nights . As no amends on the argument i told him I wasn't happy with the reply to my phone call a few days prior to when i left, i told husband if he could come home from work a bit early maybe and his reply was i dont want to come home you and Lo being ill, its shit and that your always ill.

Many arguments have been happening as we hardly see eachother other aswel. We only see eachother before going bed as his working all day and we dont speak in the day either.

I feel very lonely and just upset how he makes no effort with us. He just keeps telling us 'well im to busy with work'. He can't even take 1 min in the day to even reply back

Since ive left few days ago from our family home he hasn't bothered and yesterday i told him either fix up or expect separation. He said he had no time to speak about this and will call me today.. Its almost 11pm and no text no call nada

What should i do going forward. Did i make the right choice by leaving. Could we fix anything, should i try communicating. Im just sooo annoyed.

Have you got a place to go? Do you work?
Can you leave your son daughter with him ?

Where have you gone?

I left with Lo to a friends home, she let me stay for the weekend. Im on maternity x @WishingYouAMerryChristmasToo

He makes no effort. You're upset and frustrated. Why do you want to perpetuate a relationship like this?

@TheFoundations yes highly frustrated...

Love him

I think the fact that he hasn’t called is very telling. Does he simply not care? Whose house is it? I’m sorry, OP, I think you need to find out about separating.

Yes does tell a lot by this lack of effort. I keep forgiving. It's on his @Cherrysoup

[quote Kadia92]@TheFoundations yes highly frustrated...

Love him [/quote]
Get to the bottom of why you love someone who makes you feel this way.

What example of relationships were you set by your parents as a kid? Did they treat you and each other as people with feelings and thoughts that needed to be listened to and respected? Or were you raised to think it's fairly standard to be dismissed because the person you really need a heart to heart with is simple too busy with something else?

I think im stuck thinking hes the same person i met when we was young.
Hes priority is work, which isn't wrong but it should also be us. @TheFoundations

OK, well then get to the bottom of why you're attaching yourself to someone who isn't real anymore. It's the same set of questions, about your past, about your parents, etc.

A person with healthy self esteem would see the relationship changing, work out if it still meets their needs, and if not, and if talking to their partner didn't yield results, they would leave, even if they still loved the person. Because they would recognise that it's not healthy to keep putting themselves through this frustration every day.

Whatever is the root cause of your problems both of you are going to have to back down from this stand off. Whether you stay together or not because you have a child, a home and a marriage to sort out.

Arguments perpetuate because you are not listening to each other and both of you feel unheard. No matter how much you disagree with someone you have to hear them out and acknowledge what they are saying.

That you are lonely and he needs to work long hours are facts. There may be other things at play. Both of you need to honestly think about those statements. Separation from a loved one can be managed. It’s not for everyone and it’s not bliss but it is manageable. No job consumes an entire week and he should be able to find quality time for his family. If you wanted both of you could fix this.

Of course your loneliness might be insecurity driven by his lack of engagement. His lack of engagement might be his way of checking out. That’s sad and painful but better to recognise it and move on.

Thank you.. I did try and sit with him before leaving about ways to communicate also told him to tell me why he felt the need to say what he did. He ignored me and carried on working on his laptop. He ignored me everytime i tried to communicate because he thinks I don't listen and im in the wrong @LemonTT

Yes thank you i understand.. I veery much think i have no self esteem, i dont feel like id manage well i know i will but my mind plays tricks, the anxiety towards the future is eating me up. I believe that's the reason i feel stuck. Also housing etc, i keep wondering if single life not all bad @TheFoundations

Single life isn't bad at all, it's great.

Single life isn’t bad, it’s great! My bedroom is a gorgeous pink sanctuary of fluffy pillows and smelly candles. My sofa has warm blankets. I see friends, walk, hang with family … do what I want when I want!!