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Original poster

Partner off 6 years 1 child together

15 replies

Goodgirl234 · 26/09/2021 17:06

Hey! So long story short I've been with my partner 6 years. He has always had a problem with drugs. Although he was on the straight and narrow onve we met, a few slip ups but nothing major. We planned to have a baby which is now nearly 3, when she was 6 months old he went off the rails and pretty much threw me and our daughter out and I had to live with my mum until I got a place off my own (it was his place we where living in) anyway I got my own place and things were going good he was coming up and staying until then he got arrested one night and ended up in jail for 1 year. Since coming out off prison he has been on the straight and narrow. Goes to his appointments regularly and is clear off all hard-core drugs. I made set days with him to come to mine to see the child which is every other day and we are currently together. Although he has said he doesn't want to move in with me. He still has his own apartment. He blames it on where the location is but I think thats an excuse. I love him to bits and have stuck by him through more than u could even imagine. But I just can't get round the fact he doesn't want to move in with me and his child. I can't help but get it out off my head that he lives 2 mins away down the road and I'm up here at my house rearing out child and he only comes up every other day for a few hours to see us and picks and chooses when he stays over. How could I even explain to my child that mummy and daddy are together but don't live with eachother? I am at a dead end on what to do. Do I end things? Or is it possible to be together but live apart. Our daughter is being assessed for being autistic to which she isn't easy to deal with and I just feel angry that he is down in his own place and picks and chooses when to be a partner to me and a parent to out daughter. I just feel like either your all in or your all out. We have been through so much and I really love him and I know he loves me but just feel like something has to give. What's your opinions?

OP posts:
Outbutnotoutout · 26/09/2021 17:10

His live of drugs tops his love for you and his daughter.

Move on without him

Melonportal · 26/09/2021 17:12

You need to raise your standards.

forthelaughs · 26/09/2021 17:16

Can I ask why you'd plan to have a baby when he already had an issue with drugs? Sounds like a bad plan from the start and doesn't sound like this will end well....

thesearelaughterlines · 26/09/2021 17:22

You can't believe he doesn't want you to live together ?

I can't believe why you'd want to have a baby with him .. you did and got your life together , well done
Then you let him back ?
Now I can't believe you want anything to do with him

Dery · 26/09/2021 17:38

You say you know he loves you but actually he clearly doesn’t because this is not how a man treats a woman he loves. But frankly, even he did love you, he sounds like a huge liability. You deserve so much better than this.

Driftingblue · 26/09/2021 17:44

End the relationship. Stick to go-parenting. Spend at least a year learning to love yourself.
When you return to dating, remember compromise is about what to have for dinner or what shade of paint goes on the wall. It’s not about accepting an addict into your life.

someonesomewhere7 · 26/09/2021 17:44

It's easy really. He wants his own pla e so that he won't be under your constant supervision (cause sooner or later he'll start using again). With the added bonus of not having to do much parenting at all. Sweet deal all around.

You chose a drug addict as a father for your child. You can't be that surprised that he's not stepping up. You need to go into damage control mode, leave him and focus on the kid, not the relationship. When he's been clean for 2+ years at least you can reconsider.

Kuachui · 26/09/2021 18:12

He either doesn't want to be supervised Or he thinks he will crack and go back to drugs etc if he lives with you ( maybe from the stress of having to do stuff)

Either way I would just Co parent

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/09/2021 18:50

Goes to his appointments regularly and is clear off all hard-core drugs.

Which mean he's still smoking weed I assume? That's what this usually means. Which means he's not clean after all.

He went to prison for a year. That's actually a pretty lengthy sentence so I assume it is violence related?

You need to stop wondering why you and your daughter aren't enough for him and start wondering why you think he's enough for you and why you think this is a relationship dynamic you think it's fair to teach to your little girl.

SweeneyToddler · 26/09/2021 22:14

You’ve chosen to have a baby with someone who can’t deal with adult life and responsibility.

Now you’re surprised that he’s shirking his responsibilities?

Please end it and get on with your life. What your daughter sees in her formative years is going to very much impact her understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship. Currently, you’re showing her that it’s perfectly acceptable for a father to not see his child because he wants to smoke weed and not be accountable for his decisions.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 26/09/2021 22:27

He's still using and has no intention of letting you see his habits close up.

Cherrysoup · 26/09/2021 22:57

He’s not going to change. His life will always be full of drama. You and your daughter don’t need his shit in your lives. He’s not going to suddenly have a revelation and step up, sorry.

altmember · 26/09/2021 23:02

I think he's a liability (despite currently, allegedly, being on the wagon), and moving him in would end in tears. Best for you and your child to keep him at arm's length.

It may be that he's well aware of that and that's why he's not interested in living together. Or it may be that he just wants his own space to be able to get up to what he prefers to. And that's more important to him than being a father to his kid.

Oh and your relationship is just one of convenience to him - you're giving him what he wants and he's not giving you back anything in return. Basically just using you.

JustGiveMeGin · 27/09/2021 07:25

You need to up your standards OP, he is not a partner at all (and I'd say you've been 'together ' for 5 years if one of those years was spent in prison). You do all of the child rearing and he gets all of the time away he likes to do his drugs without you noticing. You also said he threw you out with the baby back to your parents? And you are now desperate for him to move in.....for God's sake wake up, get rid and stay away from men while your standards are so painfully low.

Suprima · 27/09/2021 07:49

You’ve had a baby with a drug addict, this is your problem.

I don’t really know what you want us to suggest. He’s an utter liability and will be in both your lives forever.

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