Where do I go from here - abuse and access

[liveinhope100]

Finally left my physically abusive partner. The last time he hit me I was breastfeeding our daughter. I split up with him, insisted he got anger management therapy which he did and we reconciled. Although the physical abuse stopped it went to verbal and emotional abuse and he was being unsafe with our daughter along with taking drugs so I finally kicked him out and would never ever go back. It’s been two months and I feel liberated.

I never involved the police as I was going through so much at the time I couldn’t deal with investigations and SS. I’ve given him the option to see his daughter through supervised visits but he refuses to go to court so there is no contact right now. My worry is that if we end up in court for access further down the line, all of abuse and drugs would just be ‘allegations’ as far as the judge is concerned because I didn’t inform the police. Should I tell the police about what happened and risk social services getting involved? Or should I just leave it? Me and my child are safe and I just want to move on with my life but I’m worried about future arrangements for access and if it does end up in court I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

Was he abusive towards the child ? If it was only towards you then he will probably get access if he wishes.

In your shoes I'd wait for him to take you to court. If there's been a long gap between him seeing his child, you will be seen as reasonable to have supervised contact at first.

Plus a Child Arrangement Order means if he kidnaps her (refuses to return her) then the police can help you faster. Without one you'd have to go to court for an emergency hearing etc which based on other womens stories on here could be 2/3 weeks until she comes home.

How old is your daughter? Would she want to see her dad? If she is say 12ish then she will be considered old enough to decide whether or not to see dad.

@BananaPB Thanks for the reply. Two weeks after I gave birth he hit me when I was breastfeeding our daughter so he didn’t hurt her but showed a complete lack of care for her safety. She is 7 months old now.

So should I get a child arrangement order or are you saying it’s probably best to leave it and wait to see if he ends up going through the courts?

@BananaPB but just to clarify, no he hasn’t ever been abusive to her. He did come home once high on class A’s and tried to pick her up though. So many safety issues I’d be worried about if she ever went to see him as she gets older.

Let a judge decide he is safe to be around your dc..

Wait for him to start court proceedings. If there is a long gap between him seeing her then you will be reasonable to say that contact should be supervised as she doesn't know him.

Is he on her birth certificate? If so get legal advice.

There's no point in you getting the CAO because they don't force him to see her. He could make you fork out money, not see her and there would be no consequences to that.

If he wants to see her and goes through court he will probably get contact. A judge would agree with supervised at first- especially if he's not seen her for a while. If he attends the supervised sessions he'd eventually get unsupervised and overnights.

I have read stories on here where the dad doesn't return the child and there's no CAO. They are heartbreaking

Speak to social services. Make them aware he's requesting access but is a drug user. At least there's a record then.

Even with a Child Arrangement Order the police will not intervene. As its a civil matter. Only think they will do do a welfare check if there are conserns.
Do you have any proof of the abuse via text, email, voice messages etc? If so save them. If you allow him unsupervised contact now you are setting a pressidence. It will then be very hard to insist on supervised in the future.

If he has PR, and there is no CAO which sets out who the child lives with, he has as much right as the OP to keep the child. Police won't get involved. This is why the OP needs proper legal advice over whether it's better to poke the bear and get a CAO stating the OP is primary carer, or leave it and hope for the best.

Even with a CAO that gives her residency the police won't get involved except a welfare check.