I'm worried about my boyfriend. He's a struggler. He gets down alot. He had a tough child hood and doesn't really handle loosing people. He has had a couple of long term relationships and the last one lasted about 8 years. It ended the best part of 3 years ago. I'd say it was both of them didn't compliment the other. They both were upsetting the other as they both were in different paths at the time. He got dependant on drinking. They broke up and he was heartbroken from what I can tell. He left the house a few months after they broke up. He carried on working but started drinking to the point he needed help. So he went to get the help he needed and successfully stopped drinking. He got sorted. Was back to normal. Still depressed but you can't tell. He's working long weeks and fully independent and going great now.
I met him during this time. So I never knew him as a drinker. We are very close. We decided to start a relationship in July after months of talking and meeting up. But I've noticed he's not recovered from his past with the ex and I am not sure whether he needs help 0r if it will just take more time.
He's punishing himself. I think he feels so guilty about the drinking and how they ended up that he feels by being there for her now, he's making it right. He has to know what she's doing. If she's OK. I don't know what they say to eachother but I know there's regular contact through phones. She will randomly message him with several kisses and ask him how he is. He has highs and lows towards her. He tries to play it down to me but I know and sense the grief he has for her still.
But the weird thing is they don't want to be together. Or else they would be. It's not sex. It's not wanting to try again. But he is absolutely terrified in my opinion of her moving on. He was spitting feathers last week talking about a man who used to message her because this man is now doing her parents extension. He just seems possessive over her and she seems possessive over him.
I don't know the answer to any of this. He had therapy when they first separated. I've tried to tell him it's all abit unhealthy and I don't believe it's as mutual and happy as he claims. They both seem damaged but I suspect my boyfriend is perhaps the one who's hung onto her the most and she's been unable to detach. .
I'm not sure what to do.