I had no idea these people existed at the time but after lots of research I know now that he was a typical malignant narc.
When the love bombing turned into devaluation it was subtle at first but then went rapidly downhill but I still gave him the benefit of the doubt long after I should have. It then escalated and became scary as he wouldn’t leave me alone. He wanted to know everything I did and everywhere I went. Everything I did offended him. He asked me about every person I am friends with on FB. Needed to know how I knew each and every one. He would demand constant messages and photos. Then when I sent him photos he would tell me how horrible I looked. He would even be lying in wait on WhatsApp so every time I went online to message anyone else he would immediately send me messages demanding my attention and asking who I was messaging like I had no right to speak to friends or family.
He found fault with everything about me. The belittling, coercive control, humiliating, stalking, lies, betrayal, threats etc. Over and over again until it ground me down into a shadow of the person I used to be. But it was all my fault apparently because I was ‘too sensitive’ about all the nasty things he was saying and he told me to get therapy. He kept apologising and promising he would change but the behaviour just got worse.
I somehow found the strength to end it but that made him mad. I had to block him everywhere as he turned nasty and I feared he could harm me or my kids. He would sometimes follow me when I took the kids out as he knew our routine. Other times he would sit outside my house in his car when he thought I didn’t know he was there. Once he reversed back and pointed his car towards my house at such a strange angle I feared he was going to try and ram into my front door. Scared the life out of me. He then started smearing my name to everyone that he could. Even contacting members of my family he had never met in order to feed them lies, humiliate me and cause distress. I told him that was the final straw and I never wanted to hear from him again.
He has since sent emails from various email addresses, some extremely offensive, others promising to change his behaviour. Always contradictory. And saying he won’t give up. He also leaves the odd voicemail asking me to contact him. He is blocked so either using a different phone or withholding his number. This happens about once a month. I have never replied.
As time has gone on and he hasn’t turned up in person I am getting less scared but what I am really struggling with is getting over the abuse. Nobody in my whole life has ever been so unkind. I didn’t have much self confidence to begin with and he knocked me down to rock bottom. 2 years on and yet each and every day I think about all he did. I have moved on with my life and am happy in every other respect. But I don’t feel that I am healing properly as I am constantly thinking about it. Any advice?