Hi all,
First post but just feeling a bit insecure right now.
Partner and I been together 4.5 years. He is 51 and I am 34. Both have a child from previous relationship (14 and 12) and have a 3 year old together.
When we met, I did question whether or not he was too old for me. He assured me he wasn't etc but also said he wanted the same things as I did (stable relationship and another child). Although significantly older, we were at similar life stages.
Anyway, we were together 2 years and I fell pregnant, it was unplanned. We discussed what to do and he said although it wasn't the right time as we weren't living together, he did want another child and would want it with me, so was willing to support whatever I decided.
Anyway we moved in together, child now 3. We were having a discussion the other day about contraception, we had gone away and I forgot to bring my pill. He wasn't happy and we argued. A few days later I asked if he had considered a vasectomy, seen as he didn't want more kids and is in his fifties. I've had to have the coil removed due to chronic pelvic pain, had a traumatic retrieval. Also, I don't really want to take hormonal contraception but I'm doing so as options are limited. I want to make it clear I was not suggesting he has a vasectomy, or forcing. Just asking his thoughts. It's his choice.
He basically wasn't keen, said he was worried about chronic pain- which we discussed was very unlikely. He then said, what if in a few years when DS is older, he'd like another. He later said, he's from a big family and loves children and made a comment about liking more around if finances allowed. The conversation drifted as I had to go out but it got me thinking, as I wasn't really sure what his thoughts are.
I always assumed he doesn't want anymore but he seemed to have a little doubt. I think because our initial pregnancy was accidental, we never really had a talk about how many mor exhildren etc but I thought due to age, he'd never want more.
Anyway, he was away last night (nothing dodgy, visiting his elderly father with his DC). So I decided to text him because it's been on my mind. I know text was a stupid idea but I sometimes find it hard to start these types of conversations. We were just chatting about the day and I asked if he possibly wanted another child or if he is certain he is done. He replied to hours later "Why do you ask?". Am I right in thinking this is an odd comment?? I mean, why do I ask? Because I'm your long term partner who you say you want to stay with forever, so I kind of want to know your views on children.
I basically said "because I'm your long term partner and it's normal for us to discuss these things. Following our conversation about contraception the other day, you made a few comments of uncertainty. So I wanted to know how you feel. There is jonneed to be evasive, it's a straightforward question".
I'm still awaiting a reply. To make it clear, I don't really want another child. I'll always feel a little broody for the baby stage but we have 3 between us- that's enough. If he was certain he wanted another, I'd possibly discuss it but I'm happy if we don't have another.