Annoyed by partner's fitness mania

[Ronbo]

DP always liked to keep fit and would do something like Parkrun once a week.

Recently this has changed and become what DP openly, and almost proudly, admits is "obsessive" and "a mid-life crisis". I find this annoying but perhaps I am being unfair as DP always arranges things so as to still be available for the kids.

Typically though this means doing everything very early in the morning so DP always goes to bed early whereas before we would watch TV together. We would also have a drink at the weekend but now they have given up alcohol for fitness reasons.

Every other day it seems another gadget "for the bike", or a sports psychology book is delivered through the door. Everything has to be "tracked on the app" - there is even something attached to the bed to track DP's sleep which I find creepy as it tracks me too. The only thing they listen to in their free time is podcasts about fitness.

I notice the language is always "I've got to go to bed now" or "I've got to do 3 hours on the bike tomorrow". This annoys me as I feel it's not something they have to do but something they want to do. The fact that "the big race is coming up" is used to justify it.

In DP's defence they have said that the competitive fitness helps at work to socialise with people with whom they would otherwise have nothing in common. They feel that they get some respect for it.

Does anybody have experience of this? Will they perhaps eventually lose interest in it? Should I just get my own midlife crisis hobby?

No but I'm sure plenty here will(their husbands disappear on weekend to do cycling or golf).

there is even something attached to the bed to track DP's sleep which I find creepy as it tracks me too

Fuck that. I wouldn't stand for it. I have heard these trackers are not very good for people who are on the anxious side. It usually makes them worse. I would say 'either choose to sleep with me or choose to sleep with your tracker'. I'm hoping he won't choose you and then secretly put a tracker on anyway somewhere where you can't see it :/ Why does he need it on the bed anyway?? Weird. Can't he wear one of those smart watches?

To be fair, they aren't that bad. I unplugged it last week and they haven't noticed yet. Probably a new gadget has been bought which gets all the attention now.

I was annoyed though as they specifically said it wouldn't be tracking me and yet a few days later they excitedly came over with the phone wanting to show me something about my sleep data. They didn't share my concerns and simply saw the tracking as a "quirk" of the gadget.

My partner is like this but he's always been like it so it's something I've got used to over the years. It got me into fitness too (although nowhere near the obsession that he has!), which is not a bad thing!

I've just accepted it now and don't mind when he's out for hours. I used to mind early on in the relationship but I realised I was being silly and jealous and now enjoy the time I get to myself if he's out! Like you I would get irritated by the "I have to do this" mentality, but have let it go now It's much better that than being addicted to something more "negative".

Does anybody have experience of this? Yes

Will they perhaps eventually lose interest in it? Sadly unlikely or if he does it will be replaced with a new obsession.

Should I just get my own midlife crisis hobby? Yes if you are happy with that or speak to him and tell him how fed up you are with it all. A compromise should be reached…..Although I’ve never been successful with this in my marriage 🙈

In my situation I regularly tell DH how his obsessive hobbies make me feel and how they effect our family. Sometimes it works but often old habits keep repeating. In the end it generally means I put up with it but whether I can keep doing that forever more I don’t know.

Oh I'd love that. I love everything to do with dedication, discipline, and I like seeing others being truly passionate about something - and sticking to it.

I'd get into it, too. I bet DP looks really fit, has a lot of stamina in the bedroom, always a positive person due to all the dopamine, and don't have moody hangovers.

@Veronika13

Oh I'd love that. I love everything to do with dedication, discipline, and I like seeing others being truly passionate about something - and sticking to it.

I'd get into it, too. I bet DP looks really fit, has a lot of stamina in the bedroom, always a positive person due to all the dopamine, and don't have moody hangovers.

Here’s your answer OP offload him to Veronika13

My DP is similarly into his hobby, although it's not fitness (he could do with being a bit more to fitness!)

He will regularly spend all evening doing it, but he's been like this since I met him so it's something I accepted as part of him. Not sure how I would feel if it was something that had just started.

He's actually managed to turn his hobby into a side career which I'm very proud of him for!

I can definitely relate to the gadgets too - every other day it feels like he's coming to me showing me the newest thing he wants to buy. I've had to have a serious talk with him about that because we can't really afford it, so that's stopped for now.

My advice - join in with his hobby sometimes. Ask to train with him once a week, find something you both enjoy that's related to fitness.

It could be a dance class for example - exercise but something fun you can do together.

And then just talk to him and tell him in advance you want to spend an evening watching TV together (or whatever it is) so can he plan to do his fitness earlier in the day.

Getting your own hobby is never a bad thing either!

I think it's a reverse. All the careful "theys" and also the DP plans their (her?) sport around child-rearing obligations. What man ever does that???

My guess is that OP is a disgruntled man.

@Grimsknee

I think it's a reverse. All the careful "theys" and also the DP plans their (her?) sport around child-rearing obligations. What man ever does that???

My guess is that OP is a disgruntled man.

Yes I was thinking is the partner non binary or is there an agenda here.

Regardless, OP you seem to be annoyed at the new hobby but don't say how it's really impacting on you aside from your dp now going to bed earlier. What time? I mean if we're talking straight after dinner then yeah that's effectively opting out of family life, but if it used to be 11pm and now it's 10pm then surely not much of an issue.

It doesn’t seem a huge deal, except for your boundaries around sleep tracking on you too which are completely fair enough. I’d ask for the odd evening of their time if you miss hanging out with them. If they are still parenting etc their fair share and not spending more than is fair id let it go for now.

Also, I expect my dh to allocate me a disproportionate amount of funds and spare time for exercise to help me catch up on some of the gap from having a baby, I can imagine the same might apply to years spent doing the bulk of parenting so does anything like that apply? The careful non binary references does have me wonder. (Before anyone jumps on this as a sexist comment, only women can have babies so that only applies to them, and far far more women do the hard yards home with young dc. Not me, I go back to work, but I’d sure feel that way after a few years at home)

I would be impressed rather than annoyed - you say your DP makes sure things are arranged around caring for your DC so it doesn't sound as though you are left doing all the domestic stuff. Expecting a DP just to be around to watch tv together & go to bed at the same time sounds rather dull, you definitely need your own hobbies and interests.