Friend gone quiet on me

[cloudywithasideofgin]

Okay help me out what do about my friend.

Known my friend for a couple of years after we met at a local gym class. He is gay, I'm straight, so there is no underlying romance issue. But we both are at similar stages of life in terms of career and the future. We have also both been single since just before the pandemic and we are both still single (as far as I know...)

We both decided to use lockdown to reflect on what we want with our lives, and have been very supportive. Both of us decided to move house as we had both climbed up the career ladder and could afford a bigger house for WFH. I also wanted to get a new job at some point.

Cue this year he has had a huge promotion at work and bought a lovely new house. Really proud and happy for him. I'm also buying a house and should be moving mid October. But I'm moving away from the area as decided I wanted a bit of a fresh start. I'm not moving a million miles away, an hour drive at most. He's been very supportive of this decision too.

I went to see his lovely house and since then... nothing much. I've been busy with work and sorting house move which have both been a bit stressful and feel a bit deflated his support seems to have vanished. I've made the effort to message a few times but just get short nothing much answers.

I'm not relying on just him for support, but it just feels a bit off that he's the one I've spoken to most about it because we were both doing something similar and are similar minded. I know his promotion has a lot more responsbility but I had his back for someone to talk to and he seemed to have mine as well.

Should I just leave things and wait to see if I hear from him? Or try again to gently let him know I'm around if he wants to talk? I honestly can't think I've said or done something to offend him but I feel a little bit sad that he isn't around.

I don't think it's likely anything to do with the promotion. More likely your availability to spend time together now you're an hour away. It's a bit rubbish but basically the distance will require more effort for both of you to maintain your friendship at the same level it was before but for some people they just aren't able to do that. It's not usually personal bit some people do seem to be a bit 'pur of sight, out if mind'. Some friends are for a season, some for life (or whatever the saying is) xx

just leave it for the moment..if you have to force a response then the friendship will flounder anyway ...most people go through times of not contacting as much and then back in touch...let him have some space and if he comes back then its a balanced back and forth not all just you. Also, I am a firm believer that whilst some friends will stay for decades, some come and go and that doesn't make anyone bad or wish them anything but the best - not all are meant to last ..perhps you helped each other out at a time of change and he wants to move on or perhaps he is just busy with the new house...either way you won't know if he really wants to stay in touch unless you give him space..and in the meantime think of all the positives about the support you have been able to give each other - maybe that was enough

A reason, a season or a lifetime! So true.

I did wonder if the distance thing was a bigger issue to him, it's not to me so much but I've moved around quite a lot and travel about a lot for work so I don't see distance as a big problem. He's still living in the same town he moved to after University (where I am living now). It's understandable he may think I'll just move on. Maybe we did just have the reason of achieving our next goals and that's the end of it now it's done.

I think leaving it alone for now sounds the right thing to do. I'm excited about moving, so it gives me something to focus on, and have other friends and family who are being great with support.

If a friend told me they were moving away for a fresh start I would take that as a hint to end the friendship.

That’s probably what he’s done.