We like each other but it’s complicated

[MamaOl93]

A few months ago I liked a guy, we went on two dates and decided it wasn’t gonna go anywhere but we stayed as friends, and are really good friends.

He then introduced me to his other friends, and one of them has become a really good friend of mine now also, but whenever we’re alone we always end up kissing and have admitted we like each other, but we always say “it’s never gonna happen again” or “we can’t do this because you/I liked him first” so it’s not appropriate

So we like each other and like I said above, can’t ignore our feelings when we’re together on our own and have admitted there’s feelings and chemistry there.

But we feel we can’t do anything else or take it any further because of our mutual friend (who introduced me to him) because I had feelings for him first/would be inappropriate etc.
We haven’t told our friend any of what’s happened as we dread the outcome.

But I can’t stop thinking about him and feel torn?
Ultimately my friendship with the first guy is more important but does that mean I’m not allowed to date anyone else again? That’s how its making me feel 😕

It’s really not that complicated and there doesn’t need to be any drama here if you’re all mature about it.

Years ago, I met a guy on OLD, liked him as a friend, but no more, invited him to a house party at mine where he hooked up with one of my friends. They’re now married. I’ve always just been pleased that our OLD fees resulted in a successful relationship, albeit not my own!

This really, really sounds like you and guy 2 want this to be very dramatic and complicated when in fact it's not at all. I wonder whether that makes it less exciting and takes the drama off the table, which you seem to both be weirdly getting off on? I have a feeling guy 1 won't really give a shit, he went on a couple of dates with you. You're not his ex wife. Or his ex, even!

Do you think guy 1 is still pining after you OP?

@youvegottenminuteslynn We aren’t “getting off on it” but admittedly we have said because it feels so wrong, it feels so good.

@TheGrumpyGoat no I don’t think so

"This really, really sounds like you and guy 2 want this to be very dramatic and complicated when in fact it's not at all. I wonder whether that makes it less exciting and takes the drama off the table, which you seem to both be weirdly getting off on? I have a feeling guy 1 won't really give a shit, he went on a couple of dates with you. You're not his ex wife. Or his ex, even!"

This.

But why does it feel ‘so wrong’?! You had 2 dates!

Oh come on OP, mountain out of a molehill.

Sorry, OP - cross-posted. But why on earth does it feel so wrong!? This is what none of us posting understand. It was 2 dates with a guy you've known for a matter of months. Listen - if I left my husband and started sleeping with his best friend (or vice versa) - well, yes: that would probably feel very wrong. But there is absolutely no reason why this should feel wrong at all. I really think you need to recalibrate your thinking because it's verging on unhealthy.

@Jolene93 / OP

We aren’t “getting off on it” but admittedly we have said because it feels so wrong, it feels so good.

I mean... that is literally what getting off on something means - getting extra pleasure out of it.

I think you're going to be bitterly disappointed when guy 1 barely registers a reaction.

Or when it turns out guy 2 has been saying you two can't tell guy 1 as you're both being so bad seeing each other behind his back when maybe he just doesn't want to date you 'properly' so it suits him to keep it quiet?

Either way this isn't how a grownup, healthy relationship starts OP.

Baffled that you're all really in your late 20s!

He said I contact him too much, phone him when I’ve had a drink and complain about him and that I’ve asked him to change his ways. I literally haven’t, I even said to him I don’t want him to change. It was going back and forth and I said I don’t want to lose you from my life, I can’t lose you from my life

Is either of these blokes the same guy this was about? I really think it's best you take some time away from dating / new friendships at all while you maybe recalibrate and think about why you're drawn to creating drama - there's something you are getting out of dynamics that feel dramatic and angsty to you, perhaps you feel that people only have a strong connection to you if there's drama? But that's not healthy at all.

There's nothing daring or secretive or wrong or even remotely unusual about snogging/dating 2 people from the same friendship group.
Guy 1 isn't in to you, it's nothing to do with him.
Guy 2 might be less interested though if he lost his perceived element of 'competition'.
Just go out with Guy 2 & if Guy 1 asks, say yep I fancy him.

So my friend who’s more than a friend to me, and we act like more than friends, he knows I have feelings for him too.

So yesterday he was completely off with me, couldn’t be in the same room as me, kept walking out if I was in the same room, tried talking to him, he was angry and annoyed with me he said but wouldn’t tell me why.

Going to meet him in an hour to discuss what was wrong and I’m really nervous and don’t know what to do or say?

Is bloke 1 this guy?

Op, you have a name change fail. It's difficult to pick out your updates.

Sorry, I agree with others, this is unnecessary drama and angst and you're getting off on it. How many times are you alone together anyway if you meet as a group? "we can't ignore our feelings" sounds like something from a Mills and Boon.

Just arrange a date alone together. You'll both probably be bored to tears

Well I'm completely confused now! Is this all just fantasy fiction?

Just decide what you want and be honest with people you regards as friends.

Well, I went for it with Guy #2 and he says he thinks we should just be friends as it isn’t fair on Guy #1. Meh.
Thanks all for your comments.