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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I fell for my coworker and we are both female

5 replies

Antheia70 · 24/09/2021 23:25

Okay first things first i have no idea why my phone randomly capitalizes words. I am also too lazy to fix it, my apologies.

I don't have anyone to Talk to about this so here we go
I've First met her about a year ago when I started my new Job and had to observe one of the kids she works with in daycare. She struck me as a strong, confident and calm person. She also seemed really competent in her work and i was delighted when she told me my toddler was going to get into her class. Unrelated to Meeting her I quit my job six months later and started Working at the same daycare. She stated how weird it is to have me as a coworker now and to be able to look at me without my mask. Then she started to give me compliments. About my clothes, my ideas, my work. She even did that in Front of others, and stood up to me in Front off my boss.
That is when I somehow got the idea she might be into me.
Ive decided early in life that if I fall in love with a girl, so be it. It just had never happened before. But now i was growing attracted to her. A lot.
Due to my Past, i am Very Reserved and we never got close. I tried my best to Show her that if she really was into me, i would reciproke that Feeling.

And what i Think was her flirting continued. She'd try to meet me alone, asking if i needed Help carrying a Single tray or something.
Another coworker she is very close with grilled me on my views on homosexuality.
She'd Come over to tell me something funny my kid did. When we were talking, she copied my Body language, e.g. cross her legs shortly After i crossed mine etc.
She'd provoke Body contact. For example, she would stand in a doorway when i approached, act distracted and wouldnt move when i tried to get past her. If it Werent for that short mischievous glance in my Direction right before i passend her i wouldve thought Nothing of it.
She had this Bright Smile on her Face whenever she saw me, one of the Smiles that make your heart skip. Lots of little, vague things.

Around her birthday, about 4 months into working with her, it somehow got weird. By then i was almost convinced she liked me and was starting to Feeling more confident in approaching her.
I got her Number from the work whatsapp Group and Texted her on her birthday, half hoping we would start texting regularly. She thanked me but never texted me again. (I might have to add, it is Not weird or uncommon for members of our Team to get the number of a coworker from the Group to Text them. I thought a lot about it and if it might have given off some creepy vibes, but have seen others do it a lot, for similar reasons)
Around the same time, she left for vacation and left a Huge board with greetings to all coworkers who had to stay. A little Story told in postcards and little Jokes scribbled between Them. I read them with a smile until i came across one card with a Mountain that said something like 'i wont find my husband here :( '
That somehow crushed me. I Think i withdrew from her and my other coworkers too and when she came Back from her vacation, all those little things had stopped. She still was nice to me, we still talked on our breaks, she was still Single, but the spark was gone.

What do you Think, was she just being nice? Did i misinterpret her Behavior? If not, what would you do in my Situation?

OP posts:
lughnasadh · 24/09/2021 23:29

I'd join the real world and stop living in a fantasy.

If doesn't sound as though you know her at all. Or have even spoken to her properly.

AramintaLee · 24/09/2021 23:38

It sounds like a crush and you got caught up in the fantasy. I'm sorry it came crashing down on you. It's horrible when you realise that something you may have felt was one sided. I don't really have words of wisdom, just that I wouldn't over analyse the past and try to move forward.

Cascascascas · 25/09/2021 05:24

@Antheia70

Why do t you ask her for a drink after work.
Talk about life and you will learn more

2reefsin30knots · 25/09/2021 05:55

A lot of people are straight until they are not.

I'd just try to move an out of work friendship forwards without thinking about anything else- get to know her properly.

lynntheyresexpeople · 25/09/2021 06:22

I think you may have been so caught up in your crush that you misread the situation. I think I'm quite flirty in my nature, even with my friends, and I'm straight. It's just some people's personality type, I don't set out to flirt if that makes sense, it's just the way I come across, friendly, jokey, and it sounds like she's very similar.

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