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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crush on colleague. Advice, please?

12 replies

WellThisCouldBeEmbarrassing · 24/09/2021 19:59

I have a colleague whom I have known for a very long time, and whom I have had a crush on for just as long. When I met them, I was in a long-term relationship, so suppressed it. Now I'm not. The fact I'm no longer attached is out there on the grapevine, but I don't know if they know. As far as anyone is aware, they are also single.

They like me, I'm fairly sure, but I don't know if they like me "like that". When we first met, I did wonder if they did, maybe, like me "like that", but I quickly dropped my then partner into the conversation, because I didn't want them to ask me out if they were interested. I didn't want things to be awkward. They are generally kind and charming, so they could very well just have been being nice. It's likely I have disorganised attachment disorder. When it comes to people I like a lot, I find it very difficult to tell whether I am reading too much, or too little into their behaviour, or whether I am actually getting it right. Definitely, I overanalyse.

Due to COVID, we've all been WFH for quite a while. I will be spending an extended amount of time with them online soon for work, and I will be seeing them and the rest of the team in person for the first time in ages soon after that. I'm sure the team will be doing social stuff, but does anyone have any suggestions as to how I could find out if they would be interested in maybe meeting up outside of the work group, without embarrassing either of us, and without risking ruining a good working relationship?

OP posts:
MumofPsuedoAdult · 24/09/2021 20:02

I would seriously avoid getting involved with someone you're going to work closely with. What would you do if it went wrong?

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 24/09/2021 20:05

You'll get a load of negativity about not mixing business with pleasure etc and that's often true, but people all over the world meet at work all the time. Just be prepared to either maybe get another job if it works out and he turns out to be your future husband or accept you'll still have to face him every day if he ends up breaking your heart. Also don't let the mask slip to ANYONE at work. Fuck it, life's too short. Ask him out.

WellThisCouldBeEmbarrassing · 24/09/2021 20:06

I'm very good at compartmentalising, if necessary.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 24/09/2021 20:06

If this person knows you are single and they are interested perhaps they would have made a move. I think you should tread carefully.

Workyticket · 24/09/2021 20:09

I married mine. He's bloody lovely!

We were work friends for ages first but we always seemed to be the last ones out on nights out, gravitated towards each other on coffee breaks etc.

We now work in different departments so barely see each other at work except in passing. We're 13 years in, married just recently

WellThisCouldBeEmbarrassing · 24/09/2021 20:10

I don't know if they do know if I'm single. It's not like there is a lot of opportunity to make small-talk just now. If they do know, it's likely they're as cautious as I am.

OP posts:
ArblemarchTFruitbat · 24/09/2021 20:11

Suggest a group social activity when they are around - their reaction will be a good indication of how they feel about you. If they are interested they will jump at the chance to socialise with you in a group. Then at the group event they will go out of their way to spend time with you.

If they show no interest, you have not given anything away or lost face.

WellThisCouldBeEmbarrassing · 24/09/2021 20:11

That's a nice story @Workyticket. I'm glad it worked out for you.

OP posts:
WellThisCouldBeEmbarrassing · 24/09/2021 20:16

The group event is already happening. We all get on quite well at work. Watching for signs, though, is a problem for me. I can't process them easily.

OP posts:
ArblemarchTFruitbat · 24/09/2021 20:22

@WellThisCouldBeEmbarrassing

The group event is already happening. We all get on quite well at work. Watching for signs, though, is a problem for me. I can't process them easily.
The best thing to ask yourself is, is this person going out of their way to spend time with me? Are they walking/standing/sitting next to you in preference to others? Are they wanting to prolong conversations? Which of you tends to bring your interactions to a close?

If someone is romantically interested in you, they will take every opportunity to be physically close to you and to claim your time and attention.

WellThisCouldBeEmbarrassing · 24/09/2021 20:34

We both seem reluctant to end phone calls (but then, I'm useless at knowing how to bring phone calls to a close anyway). But am I imagining that, and/or reading too much into why? I honestly can't tell.

OP posts:
Katieandthekids · 24/09/2021 21:25

Soppy alert: Met my husband at work. He's fantastic. We have twin 2 year olds and another on the way and I've never looked back. You are adults, if you try it and it doesn't work you can find a way to deal with that but this person may be the love of your life don't miss out on that chance x

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