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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex not interested in baby

31 replies

Smallmum55 · 24/09/2021 16:45

So my ex and I broke up a couple of weeks before I found out I was pregnant. He wanted to get back together but as he had been a bit of a creep throughout the relationship I was against that.
He wasn't very involved with the pregnancy but said he wanted to be in the child's life and be a proper dad.
A few weeks before I gave birth he met someone and dissapeared off the face of the earth. I didn't hear from him when baby was born, at Xmas...nothing at all. Due to this, he's not on the birth certificate. He lived just down the road so he had actually walked past me and the baby a few times and just ignored us.
A year has past now and still no contact from him at all.
Despite this I still put up photos of the baby on social media incase he was interested and wanted to look. The other day I noticed that he had blocked me on social media.
Do you think it's time I just accepted he's not interested in the kid and forget he exists?

OP posts:
Smallmum55 · 25/09/2021 10:51

Part of the reason I'm against claiming child support from him is that if he did suddenly decide to turn up in 10/15 years, I want to be able to honestly say to my child that despite me giving him the opportunities, his "dad" was genuinely never interested in him in any way. I don't want my ex being able to use the fact he was (forced) to give me CMS as him showing that he was actually interested....do you know what I mean?
Plus, he moved away with his girlfriend and her kid a few weeks ago and I have no idea where he is now. I possibly wouldn't be able to find him to claim anyway.

OP posts:
Naunet · 25/09/2021 11:28

Yeah, don’t bother anymore, he’s proven himself to be a shit excuse for a father already, your child is better off without a man like that in their life.

I would claim maintenance though, the birth certificate is irrelevant, you can still claim, and you should. It doesn’t matter if you need the money or not, your baby is entitled to financial support from their father. And why should he get to walk away consequence free anyway?

Having said that, if you feel it’s better for your own mental health to not claim, then I can understand that, but don’t rule it out forever. Men are just as responsible for the children they create as women are, yet they often get to opt out of all of the parenting. They shouldn’t be given a free pass to opt out of their financial responsibility too.

Naunet · 25/09/2021 11:30

Part of the reason I'm against claiming child support from him is that if he did suddenly decide to turn up in 10/15 years, I want to be able to honestly say to my child that despite me giving him the opportunities, his "dad" was genuinely never interested in him in any way. I don't want my ex being able to use the fact he was (forced) to give me CMS as him showing that he was actually interested....do you know what I mean?

Why would your child ever think that him being legally forced to pay child maintenance, means the was taking an interest?! The two are completely unrelated.

QueenBee52 · 25/09/2021 12:44

@Naunet

Part of the reason I'm against claiming child support from him is that if he did suddenly decide to turn up in 10/15 years, I want to be able to honestly say to my child that despite me giving him the opportunities, his "dad" was genuinely never interested in him in any way. I don't want my ex being able to use the fact he was (forced) to give me CMS as him showing that he was actually interested....do you know what I mean?

Why would your child ever think that him being legally forced to pay child maintenance, means the was taking an interest?! The two are completely unrelated.

yip... you are being misinformed about what CMS is

Smallmum55 · 25/09/2021 18:25

I'd posted earlier about my baby's dad not being involved in baby's life (baby is nearly a year now and my ex has never met or shown any interest in the baby at all. He's not on the birth certificate) and a lot of people said I should still claim child support off him.
I don't do this as I don't desperately need the extra money and my ex is a waste of space and id rather he wasn't involved in baby's life or mine in any way so I've never claimed any money from him....am I being stupid? Is anyone else in this position, where they would rather have nothing to do with their kids dad to the point that they don't even claim child support? Am I doing the right thing?

OP posts:
Smallmum55 · 25/09/2021 18:35

sorry I meant to post that comment under a new thread

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