DP moving in with me

[Resilienceismyname]

I could really do with some advice. My DP & I are considering moving in together. The facts are these:
He owns his house which has around 25-30% equity. His business has struggled since Covid so money isn’t flowing in but hopefully the situation will improve. He has children and pays child maintenance.
I am divorced and living in the family home with 2 children under 12 years. The house will have to be sold in a few years. I pay an interest only mortgage of £400 a month.
I receive universal credit which I will lose if I cohabit of approx £400 a month. I also have single persons council tax which will increase by 25% if I cohabit. I earn a small salary and receive child maintenance & child benefit.

If we move in I wondered how we would split things financially. He would probably rent his house out until we got to the point where mine was sold and then we would join forces.

Does he pay half of the interest only mortgage, half of all bills and food or is that asking too much since I have 2 children living with me? He wouldn’t be contributing to the mortgage as it’s interest only.

That seems to mean you would lose money and he would gain.

Work out what your loss is

Work out what his gain is

Split any gain between you.

If you both lose just don't do it 🙂

I absolutely would not do that.

Hang on as you are and see what happens with his business

Don't do it. Too complicated. Stay independent and with your own financial position entirely under your own control. Think again when you get to the point of having to sell your house.

If you are losing £400 a month it seems maybe now is not the right time. Maybe wait until your house needs to be sold?

add up what you would be saving by him paying half the bills etc and offset it against the £400 loss and see where you are at.

You lose money from UC under the theory that your household simply becomes a cohesive unit with shared finances. With you each having your own children, I would not do that.

In reality you need to look at gains and losses as a starting point and then once those are settled, make sure increased expenses and wear and tear are covered as well.

Can he afford to pay you the $400 plus the extra counsel tax, plus the increase in the food, utilities, and something towards the house in general?

If he's not earning anything are you sure you would lose the £400? Anyway it doesn't seem like he right thing to do right\now. I would wait till you have to sell and hopefully his earning situation improves before making any big moves. If you do go ahead I think he should be covering the £400 you loose plus any additional costs he creates. At the very least you should be breaking even. The reason you loose the £400 is because the government expects your partner will cover it (a contribution to costs and decreased bills etc), so he should.

You (and by extension your kids) will have less money and he (and by extension his kids) will have more money .

Think about that

How long have you been together. Do your DC want him to live with them.

Thanks for your input so far.
Just wanted to clarify - mortgage is £400 (interest only) so he would pay £200

Bills would be £520ish (council tax, gas, elec, water, internet) + plus food on top

So if he paid half it would be £460 + half of food/cleaning products/alcohol?

So maybe £700 total?

I have 2 kids so not sure if I’m asking too much for half of food? But then again I’m paying wear & tear on the house.

Distance has to be considered in our relationship as we aren’t local to each other. House would be sold in about 4 years.

Banana cake - 3 years and yes they like him and kids get on well.

And time - thanks, will do this…
‘add up what you would be saving by him paying half the bills etc and offset it against the £400 loss and see where you are at’

I wouldn’t do this. There’s no hurry and he sounds like a financial risk.

How long have you been together? What are your relationships like with each other’s children?

I would never expect you to be any worse off by living with your dp.

Hell no

How much better off is he going to be - is the rent on his property going to more than cover his mortgage?

So you will lose £400

He will now cover half the bills £350

So your net loss is actually £50?

Can he afford to cover the extra £50 so you aren't worse off that you would have been originally?

I would not have him move in with you because of the financial hit you will take.

His current business is not doing so well and there is no guarantee this work will pick up.

Your children too may like him but he may become a different proposition entirely as a stepfather figure to them. How would you react if he felt you were actually too soft on your kids?.