Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel inferior to sister

7 replies

Happybunnythatsfunny · 24/09/2021 00:46

Happybunnythatsfunny

Hello,
First time I’ve ever written a thread and sorry in advance if ive posted on the wrong chat, but I need some advice.
A couple of years ago, my husband became ill with cancer - testicular cancer. We had been trying for a baby, but following his treatment etc , we couldn’t continue. Thankfully, he has now recovered and all is well. I’m now in my mid 40s and we have decided not to do ivf.
I actually feel ok about this , as I couldn’t deal with ivf and everything that has happened previously.
In the meantime, my much younger sister has
since become pregnant and has a beautiful daughter. While I am happy for her, I cannot deal with going to see her and the baby. I just feel numb. To everyone else i appear happy and content and ‘over it.’
However, the more time I spend with them, the crappier and more inferior I feel, to the point where it’s crippling me. My mother doesn’t seem to understand how this is affecting me and just tells me to go to counselling ( which I have been doing).
I just feel alienated from my immediate and extended family. We recently attended a family gathering and I feel relatives are unsure how to talk to us, now my sister and brother in law have had a baby - maybe I’m just paranoid, but I just feel we’ve been abandoned by everyone with no support or understanding.
The only people who seem to understand are 2 friends of mine.
This sounds childish but it was my sisters birthday recently and she was showered with gifts and how great she is by everyone.
How do I get over these feelings? I can’t seem to find a way over this , but I need to in order to move on.
Thanks for listening

OP posts:
PennyWus · 24/09/2021 01:39

This is very tricky, because naturally your family want to celebrate the arrival of a new baby and make a fuss of your sister because it is hard work being a new mum. On joyful occasions it can be very hard to acknowledge someone else's pain though, and people often don't know what to so or say for the best. So if, as you state, you appear happy and content and 'over it', perhaps fhe family is taking their cue from your brave front. It is an easy way out, but people might not want to poke at what is obviously a painful situation, and risk upsetting your carefully constructed composure.

Unless they are typically very heartless people, I doubt they have forgotten everything you went through.

What was your relationship like with your sister before she has the baby? Do you actually want to be around the baby and get to know the baby, or is that a step too far? I'd consider talking to Dsis a bit about how you feel, just say you've been finding it harder than you expected to see her with your niece/nephew, and it has reminded you of what you missed out on when your DH was sick. She might prove very understanding if you can find some words to start the conversation, and then you can decide together if it would help you to step back from some family occasions for a while.

It sounds like your big problem may be your mum, though. What is it you would ideally like her to say or do differently? Whatever it is, you might have to start dealing with the reality that she isn't going to be the mother you need her to be at this point in your life. Has she always been a bit rubbish when you've had problems? Did you feel like you and your sister were compared a lot growing up?

Many mums seem to go through a phase of jabbering on about how much they want to be a grandma, or endlessly talking about their friend so-and-so who has just had a fourth grandchild. If grandbabies don't come tumbling out of their own children, there is disappointment, sometimes it is palpable and stated directly, sometimes it is more subtle. Your mum, having now realised her great hope now rests with your sister, may have transferred all her energy there and that could feel very hurtful.

My best advice here if you can't get anywhere with DM or DSis, stop trying and withdraw from these family occasions for a while. You don't need to put yourself through it. And if you do feel like you want to attend then stick to family members who will chat to you about grown-up things and not talk endlessly about the baby. And don't feel you have to dandle the baby on your knee and coo over her or offer babysitting, if you don't want to. Excuse yourself to make a cup of tea or go and look at the garden or simply get your phone out and distract yourself. You don't have to play happy families, if it is making you feel bad.

In a few years when the baby has grown up things will likely simmer down. Certainly my the time my DD turned 7 she became just another member of the family to chat to. If you don't want to be close to the child, you don't have to be.

Happybunnythatsfunny · 24/09/2021 04:59

Hi PennyWus,
Thank you for replying. Yes, I think I need to take a step back for a while, just to clear my head. My sister is more than 10 years younger than me , so it’s a big age gap. I’m not as close to her as am with my middle sister because we’re closer in age and experience. I’d do anything for my younger sister, but we’re not that close. I just feel I’m a failure compared to her in every aspect. I feel a sense of doom in my life and keep thinking nothing will work out right. I know it’s irrational , because I have achieved some great things in my life.
My mother doesn’t seem to understand and is very matter of fact about it all - there is no comfort or acknowledgement of what I may be feeling. It’s just ignored or I’m told to see the doctor etc. I’ve given up on that front now. I just seem to irritate or am a burden. I quickly realised I had to overcome any negative feelings after my sister had the baby as everyone was congratulating me on being an aunt - kind yet difficult.
I’m going to take time away for a while, as when I’m not in a family environment I feel much calmer.
I don’t know how to move on, but I shall take each day as it comes.

OP posts:
layladomino · 24/09/2021 08:57

Your feelings are comletely understandable. You wanted children and now it can't happen. You've made your peace with that to an extent but you won't just 'get over it'. Your sister having a baby was always going to be hard for you, even if at the same time you are happy for her.

The advice above is really good.

You've probably given such a good impression of getting on with life that people think it's OK not to acknowledge your pain. They may even think you don't want them to. And you've clearly achieved loads in life. You say you feel a failure in many ways, but of course your aren't. Yes there is this one facet of life that hasn't happened as you intended. And it's a big deal. But that doesn't make you a failure.

It's really hard now, but honestly it will get easier with time. In the meantime, keep focussed on all the good things (and good people). You've many years ahead of you and lots to enjoy and achieve in that time.

IsabelHerna · 24/09/2021 10:09

What you feel is both understandable and totally normal. On the other hand, your family's awkwardness is also understandable. They do not know how to handle it.

In order to move on, you need time, space and to accept and really feel your feelings, we all do.

Also, maybe you can use a change of perspective. For example, when my niece was born, I was already diagnosed with PCOS and was begging my partner to start a family (which we didn't because after 10years he decided to let me know that he never wanted children and he was waiting for me to forget about it.... )
My grandpa's sister never had children, and she gave me this advice when my niece was born. She told me "I don't have 1 bio-child, but I have 5 children, 9 grandchildren, and 1 great-grandchild."

In any case, my point is, that I saw my niece as a solution to my problem. I needed to spend time with her, feel her, nurture her etc. She became like a surrogate baby for me. She is 7 now, I am 40, single and I am starting IVF. Yet, sometimes I feel that that little monster understands more than my sister or mother do.

Sorry for the long post. Sending you lots of hugs and wishes!

Babyghirl · 24/09/2021 12:07

@Happybunnythatsfunny
So sorry your going through this I know the feeling so well it's an awful place to be in.

Only I have been trying 4 miscarriages and 1 cp and I can't even look at a pregnant woman or a baby it's all normal feeling I took myself of sm because of it all I do what I have to do to protect myself.

Don't feel bad for going lc for awhile, my bro and partner fell pregnant after my first miscarriage had baby 4 days after my 2nd miscarriage and are now pregnant again. I deleted myself from family WhatsApp group a while back when he put a scan video up it was like someone took my heart and stood all over it.

I know there happy but come on wth all that I have been through I thought he would of took me in to consideration at that point as its there 5th child so not like they new to the parent scene.

Take time to yourselves do what makes you happy and never care what anybody thinks. 💚

coffeeisthebest · 24/09/2021 14:20

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Before your sister had her baby, was this dynamic between you there do you think? Sometimes we do just need space, especially from close family, when we are going through therapy and starting to unpick things about our lives. Good luck OP.

RealMermaid · 24/09/2021 15:46

From reading your posts I think you should check in with yourself and consider how much this is really about the baby and your own struggles with infertility, and how much it is about more long-standing issues with feeling inferior to your sister. That's what comes across much more strongly in how you're writing about this - as if the baby has really brought up these more long standing issues. How do you feel about your sister and her relationship with the family? Do you feel she is preferred by other family members? Do you feel that they value her achievements more or that she fits in better perhaps?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page