Overbearing inlaws.

[Lullaby88]

I feel my inlaws can be very overbearing with my kids. Iv shut down and unfortunately I have to block them off as a result of their behaviour.

With my first I feel I didn't bond well as my inlaws and to an extent my parents would literally step in. I'd feel like my baby had 3 mums and never felt like a proper mum. It's so sweet they shower my kids with love but it affected me. My child actually prefers her grandparents to me and my husband.

Iv had a second child and he's 3 months and my MIL keeps asking when I can drop him off alone so she can spend time with him. Iv blocked her off this time and shut down as I feel it'd affect my bond again as it becomes a habit after. Iv also become super protective over my 1st born and building a Mum bond with her as I feel I missed out on that and it saddened me.
When my MIL visits and to an extent my Mum visit they become like Mums wanted to do everything especially my MIL. She jumps up to do every feed, nappy just everything. I feel lost in those moments as a Mum. It's confusing as she completely takes on the Mum role. As a result iv become very distant and began to be abrupt and hav told her she can't have my second child on a 1.1 as he is far too young. She as a result has become really snotty with me and distant and it's affected our relationship. How do I deal with this? When she comes over she still tries playing the mummy role but she won't really speak to me as she's probably offended and leaves a frosty atmosphere in the house. I dread her visits tbh. Something that annoyed me was she was reading to my son and replaced the mummy words with daddy words. How childish is that. My son corrected her and she said oh is it? Really cringed me out and made me realise how childish she actually is!
Anyone experienced anything similar? Any advice welcome.

I had similar issues with my mother in law when I had my first child. She would call round unannounced, buy excessive amounts of baby stuff and have an opinion on everything we were doing. Essentially just over-involved. I think perhaps the most irritating thing she did was to get really overwhelmed and cry at the littlest things. It was too suffocating for me and after a few months I realised I was wasting my precious mat leave on edge with it all.
I called her and told her that I wasn’t coping well and needed to help establish a routine which would involve me being in charge of visits and when they could take DS for walks etc. It’s up to you or your partner perhaps to set boundaries that you are comfortable with.
Of course they mean well but you sound as though it’s affecting your relationships with your own children. Not easy but you have to be clear when you want them to visit and for how long etc.

She wants one on one with your 3 month old 😂

Just laugh and say "good one"

You are doing the right thing. Stick to your guns. Remember you are the one in the right, so if she creates a frosty atmosphere, let it be frosty. It isn't your job to fill the gaps and make friendly comments. You have made a perfectly reasonable comment and she has taken umbrage. She's being huffy and expects that eventually you will cave.

Keep a united front with your DH - that is very important, both in terms of making clear she won't get her way, and for your marriage.

And don't worry about your children preferring GP over you. No matter how involved they become, your child is with you the vast majority of the time, so they will have no question who their mum and dad are. It's normal for children to get excited when GP visit - it doesn't mean they prefer them to their parents.

I am having similar issues with overbearing in-laws telling me how to hold my baby, watching me every move it's like they have completely changed into these bossy overbearing characters since I've had the baby! I just don't get it!

When she visits, stick your baby in a sling so she can’t get ahold of them and find her a job!!

Say how thrilled you are to see her as you could really use some help with the … dishes, washing or whatever!! put her to work and she might not be so anxious to visit!

And when she gives unsolicited advice just say thank you very much and then ignore her.

And it’s perfectly ok to limit visits if she’s getting on your nerves. And definitely no to 1:1 time with the baby until you deem it ok.

Im grandma and formed a massive bond with my first grandson (daughter needed more help then), ive never meddled but because grandson was close to me ( cared for him 5 days week when mum n dad worked etc), my daughter was a little jealous, understandably...but i couldn't help that because i had him most of week...8 years later, i still have him once, twice, three times a week overnight. I never took over mums jobs etc, its just how she felt at the time. My 2nd grandson theres no issue there, they have a strong bond.

Instead of risking the bonding mum n baby needs together , i would ask if other jobs needed doing, so I'd wash pots, dry, out away, have a bit of a tidy round, ask if they need shopping picking up etc. Can you talk to them and say i dont need this but itd be really beneficial if you could help with other things?

'something that annoyed me was she was reading to my son and replaced the mummy words with daddy words.'
I really dont like that though OP. That's just awful. She knew what she was doing, eliminating your role in the book and replacing it with dad, and to your little one! Wow.

Btw i would never have had my grandson when he was a young baby... babysitting if mum n dad needed night out but never overnight until he was older, my daughter wouldnt have wanted that either. So just say no to mil and over night stuff x