Worth keeping the 'friend'?

[Slottedspoon12]

Long story cut short, I'm married to an ogler/sleaze. The things got so bad that I've told him I want to separate and eventually divorce. He's been in agony for the last 2 weeks or so, not sleeping, begging me to give him another chance, telling me it's all in my head etc. I haven't told anyone about this and we are behaving as if we are a happy family in front of others.

Last Sunday I invited a friend of mine who I met only a few months ago. Her DD is having playdates with our DD, usually in playgrounds, but she never met my husband. On Sunday she came over with her DD and DH. And the inevitable happened. My H was being quietly flirtatious with her whilst I was making food for everyone in the kitchen. I came back to the living room to witness her giving him flirtatious looks too, which made me realise he has absolutely no limits. He'd ogle anyone, anywhere. However I was surprised she responded!! And it carried on until they left. My heart sunk again, but I'm so used to it.

Question is, how am I supposed to meet this woman again? Would you keep the 'friendship'? The trust is completely broken, no respect from either of them towards their families. Would you still meet her for the sake of DD?

My marriage is an ordeal, I know. That's a separate story.

I don't know if you should keep the friendship. How sure are you that she was flirting? As she didn't know your husband maybe she was just responding in kind to be polite? Depends what you mean by flirting. Some might call it being friendly and jokey.

How much do / did you like her? Did you want her as a friend before this happened?
How much does your child like hers? Would they miss the playdates?

If I wasn't sure she knew what was going on and I liked her, I'd probably give her another chance. Keep your meetings on neutral ground for a bit until you know her better. Don't think I'd mention what happened unless she does. Do you want to divulge your private issues to someone you hardly know? She's unlikely to criticise him to your face, if she did think it odd or to say she fancies him, is she?

In this situation most women would have been really uncomfortable.

How exactly did she react?

It's a shame you didn't have a hidden camera to record the sleaze bag.

@Notmoresugar she is generally quite ungainly and not into her appearance at all. I thought she was very much what you see is what you get. But I saw a different person when she was here, she was running her hand through her hair a bit too many times whilst sort of facing him, just a complete change in body language. I find it very hard to describe. Nothing too obvious, but obvious enough for me to see, I've seen this too many times before.

What makes me sick is the fact that even if she was just being polite, she noticed his flirting. I'm so embarrassed, how can I see her again? I did think about a hidden camera but I always sort of hope that next time he behaves.

I've seen his sleazy/ogling behaviour so so many times, I get anxiety attacks when I'm out with him, literally!

In regards to my friendship with her, well I honestly don't know her well at all. Her DD and my DD get on really well. They had amazing play dates, but my DD is generally very easy going and friendly and she already has a few friends whom she meets regularly. So it won't be the end of the world losing her.

In this situation most women would have been really uncomfortable

Yes, I was on the receiving end of this about 12 years ago when the XH of a friend of mine was creeping at me whilst his wife was in the same room. It creeped me out, but to be honest I didn't feel like I had to even be polite. I didn't adjust my skirt or go to the bathroom to powder my nose, I smiled and 5 minutes later I was out of the door. All I could think of was thank gosh, he is not my H.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt since you don't really know her that well. She may have thought it was harmless fun or been playing along out of politeness. She may have found the whole thing excruciatingly embarrassing but have not wanted to offend you. If you get to know her better and actually she is like that, then you can ditch her then.

I don’t know how you keep a lid on this OP. I’d have to call him out as soon as I saw it.
As for your ‘friend’ I agree, it would make me really uncomfortable if someone else’s husband was behaving like this with me, I’d make my excuses and leave. Get rid of her too.

she is generally quite ungainly and not into her appearance at all. I thought she was very much what you see is what you get. But I saw a different person when she was here, she was running her hand through her hair a bit too many times whilst sort of facing him, just a complete change in body language.

So... this is not someone usually 'focused' on in such an obvious way... sounds to me like she was enjoying it too... as a rarity I suppose ...

I would be leaving OP... this is a humiliation and in your face too..

you sound very rational and credit to you for taking the time to really decide your future.. to see how he behaves... how he manipulates and all in front of you..

you know what you need to do 🌸

@happinessischocolate

Is meet her again, and as the kids are playing confide in her that you're kicking your husband out because hes a complete letch and has no standards at all. Say he'll flirt with anyone and the more unattractive they are the more he goes for them

😁

This!

Encourage them, maybe he’ll go off with her. 2 birds one stone.

@Slottedspoon12

In this situation most women would have been really uncomfortable

Yes, I was on the receiving end of this about 12 years ago when the XH of a friend of mine was creeping at me whilst his wife was in the same room. It creeped me out, but to be honest I didn't feel like I had to even be polite. I didn't adjust my skirt or go to the bathroom to powder my nose, I smiled and 5 minutes later I was out of the door. All I could think of was thank gosh, he is not my H.

I think this reaction would be the normal response for most women being hit on by someone's husband.

Vaguely polite until you can get the hell out of there.

It certainly was mine as a young one.

He's a letch. That's on him.

They’d both be gone if it was me