This this worth fighting for..

[Irene91]

Hey everyone could do with some advice as my mind is shambles!!!

Me and husband have been in an argument for a week hes made no effort , yesterday i decided to sit by him and ask what he would like from this marriage. He believes im at fault as i had asked him to communicate and help a bit, he tries 1-2 days and then zilch no communication again. Hes told me i am wrong as he was apparently trying. Honestly he makes no effort as far as id like a relationship to be like.

I told him he needs to stop with the silent treatment as its such poor child behaviour and speak to me, he kept working on his laptop ignored me completely and said his had enough, told me do what you want as i told him id leave if he wont tell me what he wants aswell, cause im fed up. I ended up crying, honestly didn't want to but i just want happiness with this man.. He got pissed of and told me 'for fuck sakes' so i left room and cried upstairs. My heart hurts honestly

I was so disappointed last because i wanted proper answers. All i keep hearing is i cant be bothered right now well speak later

What should i do give it time or just leave with our kids as its mentally fucking me up.

Leave - you deserve better

Do you have children together? If not I'd be off like a shot.

Leave 🔜

No. It's not worth fighting for. And raising kids in that kind of atmosphere is highly damaging. It sounds like your DH is emotionally illiterate and has no intention of changing. His idea of marriage is a version based upon zero input on his part. Fuck that.

Yes we do @HollowTalk
Thats why maybe i feel stuck..
I would have left long ago.. I was the sort of person to not give a shit and leave now look at me. Its shit

When hes had a few drinks hes very loving about how he makes me feel other then that never communicates to me

No it isn't worth fighting for. A relationshiop will only work if BOTH people think it's worth it. If both are willing to compromise, see the other's viewpoint, share the burden, listen, contribute, communicate.

So no matter how hard you 'fight' for it, you still won't get a decent relationship. The one you want and deserve. Because he isn't willing to even listen or care, let alone fight.

Please do what's right for you and your children, and leave.

Oh this is no way to live.

Do not stay with such a man because or for the children. They will not say thanks mum to you for staying with him. They probably wonder on some level why you and their dad are still together at all.

Ive left by the way with some advice. Even for few weeks till i can sort myself

He called me today saying im the issue as i never listen to what he has to say

I told him hes been giving me silent treatment for the past 4 days. Told me he did ask he for dinner yesterday

I ignored his offer yesterday as honestly my heart was in pieces from the time i did try communicating.

I told him he could see the kids. Im so scared have i made the right choice. Its so hard

@Irene91

I told him he could see the kids. Im so scared have i made the right choice. Its so hard

Don't raise your kids with the example that this is how an adult relationship looks. They will replicate it in their own relationships when they grow up.

I know this because my parents didn't split up, and it screwed up my expectations, and consequently, most romantic relationships I've had. I had counselling in my 40s after some pretty unpleasant abuse, but had I not been abused, I would have just carried on disfunctionally and miserably all my life.

You see it on may threads on here - people who are really struggling and staying in miserable relationships, and when you ask, their parents did the same; and they haven't linked the two together.

Do this for your kids. Show them that if a relationship is miserable, you walk away. It will be the best lesson you ever give them, and none of that is even to mention the boost to your own self esteem that fully walking away will give you.

you absolutely have done the right thing.. asking for dinner is not communicating about your marriage 🌸

he makes no effort as far as id like a relationship to be like.

I think this sentence from your op is key. In your mind you have decided how your relationship should be and he should conform to that. He obviously doesn't think he has to. I don't see how you can overcome a mismatch that you're both uncomfortable with. He'll never be able to give you what you want because that behaviour doesn't come naturally to him. You have a need to be treated in a certain way and don't want to compromise on that.
Neither of you are wrong but you're just not right together.