Feeling awful and kinda alone

[Siiiiigh87]

Hey so I will try not to ramble

I (30F) have been married a good about of time and have a couple of kids. For a few reasons I am currently going through a termination of pregnancy (don't obviously want to argue about this or the reasons for it, I feel shitty enough about it).

I really feel like my husband is not being helpful or supportive. We obviously discussed this and came to the conclusion that it was the best option currently for us.

He literally hasnt mentioned it since then. He made a joke of me making an 'absolute abortion' of a task I was doing. He also knew that I was carrying out the procedure on a set date and didn't offer to take time off work or be of any help. As a result I just had to sit with my current children during a termination. It had to be at home due to covid.

I then mentioned how I was feeling and he has kinda said that how dare I suggest he hasn't been helpful because I didn't ask how he was feeling. And that obviously him taking my lead on not speaking much about it wasn't good enough.

I'm just pissed off and disappointed and I feel like if we can't support each other through something like this then what hope do we have

Hoping for some outside perspective

Thanks in advance x

Your instinctive reaction to his behaviour is that he is being completely unsupportive and a bit of an arse.

Trust your instinct

Thank you for your response.

There's been long standing issues and I feel like I just need validation to leave x

So sorry you've gone through this process with minimal support , no judgement here
Please reach out to your provider for some post TOP counselling if you think it would help
Give yourself a bit of time to let your hormones settle
When you start to feel back to you again
Look at the relationship, is it worth staying or would you be happier elsewhere ? It's not so bad being single
Try and communicate with him at quiet non emotive times , not during rows or stressful times
Good luck lovely

What better validation could there be than him being a cold assed bastard. Personally, the bare minimum in a partner is that they have an actual heart. Not an ice shard where there should be one.

Are you sure that he definitely wanted the termination? Unless he was already being a tosser before this then it sounds like he might be having problems dealing with it.

That's a good point about the termination. He said he thought it was the right thing to do and was on board. And now that it's done he's saying he wasn't sure. Which I told him was a dick move because obviously now it's done, and he should have said beforehand if he wasn't sure.

But yeah he's been an arsehole before now tbh.

Long story but I was working covid ICU during pandemic (nurse) sometimes 7 days a week and he was shouting at me for not doing enough cleaning despite him being furloughed.

I guess this is just something else in a long list of arseholeness

The final straw for me in my 2nd marriage was when my then husband was 30 minutes late picking me up from having a surgical termination.

He was completely unsupportive about it - neither of us wanted the pregnancy to continue, so that wasn't the problem, but he acted like it was nothing, like I was having a tooth out or something else minor. Didn't take any time off on the day (I had it in the morning, he started work in the afternoon) or afterwards, either.

Funny thing is that it's now 17 years later and recently I had his long term girlfriend complaining to me about how 'unemotional and cold' he is. People like him don't change.