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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I did it! I ended the abuse.

21 replies

MummaMinxi · 22/09/2021 21:33

Some of you will recognise my name & that I've posted a couple of times about my abusive partner.
Well, today I took the leap & ended the relationship. It came to a head the other weekend when he decided to scream at my 16yo down the phone, calling me horrid names because I was asleep & didn't answer my phone.
This made me make the choice...he made my baby cry!
I decided to start making my plans; I set up a secret account to start saving, was in touch with womans aid about my options, I had told my sister (for safety reasons), I was building up my strength, I checked myself out.
Last night, after working from 9am to 8pm, managing a team of 30 whilst also making calls, I burned his eggs. He complained; normally I don't care but last night I cried & realised how unhappy I really am & how he doesn't appreciate me or have any respect for me. This morning he text to start an argument, that's when I called it a day. He then came back to the house, to try to get me to argue; instead I just told him I didn't love him and we were done, he agreed, went on to be absolutely horrid to me and said he's leaving on Friday.
So.....I did it and I'm not going back on my word. I just wanted to share this to let others know they have the strength! I felt so helpless, alone & weak but I stood up to my abuser, I'm getting out of the relationship and you can too.

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 22/09/2021 21:50

That’s amazing, OP. Do you think you are safe until he leaves?

Jesskir89 · 22/09/2021 23:00

Brilliant news!

QueenBee52 · 22/09/2021 23:42

Sending you best wishes and support.. make sure he goes Friday 🎉

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/09/2021 00:08

Stay tunnel vision on this OP, I'm sure you know how it goes when they realise you're serious....

Be prepared for the lovebombing/escalating nastiness.

Life can be challenging at times being a single parent but it's nowhere near as stressful as living in that atmosphere.

Once you're used to the logistics you'll find it extremely liberating. You'll actually transform as a person when that massive weight around your neck has been lifted!

🐛🦋

DebbieHarry1979 · 23/09/2021 00:18

Thank God you’ve saved yourself! You’re braver than you know!!! You’re an inspiration lovely lady!! Lots of admiration from me xxx

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 23/09/2021 00:19

Well done. Stay resolute.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 23/09/2021 00:36

How brave you are - well done! now please make sure that you are safe until he is actually gone. Don't trust him for a second. The pleading and begging you to reconsider will start soon; don't fall for it. You know who he is, so stay strong!

MummaMinxi · 23/09/2021 12:56

@SparklingLime

That’s amazing, OP. Do you think you are safe until he leaves?
I believe so, he is currently playing the soppy, oh woe me card. Asked me for some of my nerve relaxant medication this morning as apparently I've made him so sad he can't stop shaking 🙄 I gave him the pills & came up to my office to work. I don't think he'll get physical, he was more emotionally & mentally tormenting.
OP posts:
MummaMinxi · 23/09/2021 12:57

@Closetbeanmuncher

Stay tunnel vision on this OP, I'm sure you know how it goes when they realise you're serious....

Be prepared for the lovebombing/escalating nastiness.

Life can be challenging at times being a single parent but it's nowhere near as stressful as living in that atmosphere.

Once you're used to the logistics you'll find it extremely liberating. You'll actually transform as a person when that massive weight around your neck has been lifted!

🐛🦋

He's already begun to try guilt tripping me. Apparently I've hurt so much his nerves are shot & he can't stop shaking. I'm done with it all, I feel nothing for him....he has done this to himself & I won't let him drag me back in. X
OP posts:
MummaMinxi · 23/09/2021 12:59

@DebbieHarry1979

Thank God you’ve saved yourself! You’re braver than you know!!! You’re an inspiration lovely lady!! Lots of admiration from me xxx
Thank you. It has taken me longer than it should have & I'm disappointed in myself that I've allowed the abuse to continue this long but something clicked & I knew I had to do it.I don't feel any fear or loss, I have done what's best for my babies, they're all that matter. Xx
OP posts:
MummaMinxi · 23/09/2021 13:01

@2018SoFarSoGreat

How brave you are - well done! now please make sure that you are safe until he is actually gone. Don't trust him for a second. The pleading and begging you to reconsider will start soon; don't fall for it. You know who he is, so stay strong!
I don't think he will get physical, it's always been emotional & mental abuse but something has clicked in my brain & I've had enough. Too long have I let him control me & take advantage but no more; I'm worth so much more than I give myself credit for & it's time I started to believe in myself xx
OP posts:
SarahBellam · 23/09/2021 13:02

Congratulations! It's like taking off an iron coat. So liberating ThanksThanksThanks

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 23/09/2021 13:21

This is awesome. Get a locksmith to come on Friday afternoon and ask him to let you know if he needs to come by to collect anything he’s forgotten.

frozendaisy · 23/09/2021 16:54

Excellent post.

In his mind you are clearly to blame for everything. But that's ok when you are out of his life it will all be ok for him. So you are doing both of you a favour! Grin

Hope your future without him is full of adventure and happiness.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/09/2021 17:06

God OP, how do any of us get involved with pigs like this. Wish I had the answer for all of us.
I've had two worthless husbands and it was a massive relief getting rid of them.

BurlyChassey · 23/09/2021 18:07

Well fucking done!! Yay! Today your new life starts and what a bloody wonderful life it will be without him in it! You and your babies against the world! I’m so proud of you xxxx

notlongtillxmas · 23/09/2021 18:53

Well done lovely ! Be strong - much better days are coming for you and your son !

Closetbeanmuncher · 26/09/2021 11:31

Has he gone OP?

twoandeights · 26/09/2021 11:53

Brilliant! I’m betting he didn’t go on the Friday as promised though

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 26/09/2021 12:12

@MummaMinxi how are things? Hope he hasn't wormed his way back in?

Dillydollydingdong · 26/09/2021 12:27

I hope he's gone. Bet he hasn't though?

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