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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The nutter returns.

17 replies

kneelingknievel · 22/09/2021 18:48

Several months ago I was having a relationship a woman and we were getting on great, however, it all fell apart, because she was wanting me to move out of my home and move in with her for us to go through life, get married and be the couple that I'd promised we would be (I'd made no such claims), I said I didn't want that, as it was moving too fast for me and she was well aware that I'd had a very bad and fairly recent experience with my ex and didn't want to get myself into another possible financial bind and leave the home I'd not long been in and had spent a fortune getting it how I wanted, she took a hissy fit with this and ended the relationship.
A month ago I tested positive with Covid and although I've had both jabs, I've suffered badly with the effects and am now suffering with the after effects. Two weeks today, the woman I'd been having the relationship contacted me out of the blue, apologising for ending the relationship, declaring her love for me, how she yearned for me, missed me being in her arms, missed my kisses and the way I used to hold her, with me having very severe flu like symptoms I gently told her I wasn't in any condition to engage in conversation with her, as talking started me coughing, to the point where it was making me throw up. She told me she'd leave me alone for a few days and catch up later, she tried calling me several times the next day, so I block her on my phones, so I could get some peace. The following day, she showed up at my front door, shouting to be let in, she was asked to leave and was told if she didn't, I'd be forced to call the police. I was struggling to care for myself, never mind try and have a conversation with someone who's not had any jabs and should know better than go visiting.
Since then, she's sent me email after email, if I've felt like I could hold a conversation, I'd have spoken to her, but 90% of the time, I was either too tired, feeling very sore and tender and had the headache from hell, but I just wasn't in any condition to reply, it was taking every ounce of effort just to do the very basics.
This morning, she arrived at my door again, shouting through the letterbox and demanding that I give her money so she can seek private medical attention as she thinks she may have Covid (remember, she's had no jabs and hasn't isolated at all during the entire Covid situation). She claimed that she wasn't feeling very well for weeks and it was my duty to pay for her treatment. I refused and asked her to leave, then she started yelling that I owed it to her to help her out financially, because she'd looked after me, had taken care of my needs and had done everything she could to help me in whichever way I needed it. I have no idea when this was supposed to have happened, apart from grief, she'd given me very little.

With not being well and already suffering from a leg amputation, fibromyalgia and osteo-arthritis, I'm now feeling rather scared as I have no idea what she might do next. I'm wondering if I should ask friends if I can stay with them for a few nights.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 22/09/2021 18:51

Document it all with times and details and call the police.

EducatingArti · 22/09/2021 18:54

Agree. You need to tell the police. She is stalking and harassing you after you have asked her to leave you alone.

Veryverycalmnow · 22/09/2021 18:55

Why would she need private medical attention to see if she has covid? Seems strange. Tests are free. Are you well enough to speak to her yet or could you write her a message explaining how you see things? I think everyone deserves an explanation if the relationship seemed to be going somewhere but has ended.

AdoraBell · 22/09/2021 18:55

Tell her, once, if she contacts you again it will harassment and you will report her to the police. Document everything as suggested.

notlongtillxmas · 22/09/2021 18:58

Tell her to piss off and never contact you again
Feckin nutcase

notacooldad · 22/09/2021 19:00

Tou are vulnerable and she knows that.
She thinks you are a soft touch so is preying on you.
I think it is possible she will escalate things to frighten you. Even if you did give her money she would be back for more.
To be honest I'd be on to the police this evening. I would record this gs with your phone if she is shouting through the letterbox.
I would ask neighbours to keep a look out and let them know what's happening.
If any friends are willing to come to yours I'd ask them.

notacooldad · 22/09/2021 19:01

Why would she need private medical attention to see if she has covid?
To scam the OP.of course.

seensome · 22/09/2021 19:01

I think you should of just said you're not interested in her anymore rather than saying it's because of your condition, try firmly saying you do not want to get back together and log any further harassment for the police.

MrsMoastyToasty · 22/09/2021 19:02

If you're in the UK then health care is free. Go to the police.

Dillydollydingdong · 22/09/2021 19:02

Oh that's scary! And yes, if you've got good friends, go and stay with them. This woman's clearly unhinged. She's stalking you. Report it to the police.

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 19:03

Agree with prior posters. Document any contact she makes.

Reply once to her emails to say 'this is harassment, do not contact me again. Stay away from me'. So that you have, in writing, her being told to leave you alone.

If she persists, go to the police.
Don't mention going to the police to her though or she will likely invent some story and go to them first.

It sounds like she wants money.
Start thinking on other ways that she could artempt to extort that from you. Keep your doors locked (are you sure she has no key?) Maybe invest in one of those camera doorbells.

You could also report to the police now through 101 and then if she persists, you will have record of things.

TheFoundations · 22/09/2021 19:05

@AdoraBell

Tell her, once, if she contacts you again it will harassment and you will report her to the police. Document everything as suggested.
This. Don't engage in any conversations with her; there's no point if she's just fabricating things anyway.

You don't need drama, you don't need a discussion, you don't need to explain anything to her, you don't need her to understand your point of view. All you need is the sentence 'Please leave, and if you bother me again, I'll speak to the police about you.'

Make sure you follow through.

Soconfusedandlost · 22/09/2021 21:29

I'm going to sound stupid but want to clarify

  1. The promise of a wedding and moving in with her? You never said those things but she says you have?
  2. You haven't seen her/had physical contact with her since the breakup a month ago?
  3. When you had/have Covid, she contacted you by phone email text or through a locked door, thus never having contact or her servicing your needs as she claims?

If I've understood all of those things correctly, she seems to be having some kind of mental health episode and Police need to be alerted immediately as her actions have no prior indicator. She could go silent, could break in, anything!

reprehensibleme · 22/09/2021 21:31
Hmm
kneelingknievel · 23/09/2021 09:45

I'm going to sound stupid but want to clarify

  1. The promise of a wedding and moving in with her? You never said those things but she says you have?
  2. You haven't seen her/had physical contact with her since the breakup a month ago?
  3. When you had/have Covid, she contacted you by phone email text or through a locked door, thus never having contact or her servicing your needs as she claims?

If I've understood all of those things correctly, she seems to be having some kind of mental health episode and Police need to be alerted immediately as her actions have no prior indicator. She could go silent, could break in, anything!

  1. I can confirm, I have never talked, offered or promised her anything to do with marriage or moving in.
  1. I've had no contact of any kind from her since the break up.
  1. I'd heard nothing from her until 2 weeks ago, I have alerted the police and when I'm in the house alone, I keep the doors double locked, the chains hooked up and I also have CCTV, so she'll struggle to break in and anything she does will be captured by the cameras.
OP posts:
ravenmum · 23/09/2021 09:52

Could be that she is not in her right mind, but it could also be that she's deliberately scamming you, OP. Some people get confused enough by this kind of behaviour that they really think they have to pay up, or even end up marrying the person. Make sure you mention the financial aspect to the police.

sloutside · 23/09/2021 10:42

Document what has happened so far.
The next time she contacts you tell her clearly that this has to stop immediately, she is not to contact you again and if she does then you will contact the police.
Then contact the police and present the list of incidents so far.
Keep her blocked on your phone and set up your email so that her emails are directed straight to the spam folder, which means you won't see them immediately, but they will still be there for a few days should you wish to read them later, perhaps as evidence of continued harrassment.

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