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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stay in a marriage or separate

14 replies

Taylah · 22/09/2021 12:33

Hi lovely people would like some advice. I am not feeling great today ill and just emotionally ill also.

Me and dcs have been bunged up, got no help for husband as usual and feel fed up of feeling like a big mess.

Me and husband have been having issues which he makes out to be dramatic or that im the issue. Ive left home few months ago due to the issues as i dont think there anything small i didnt want to return, i stayed with family, until he got through to after 2 weeks and said he understands and would make changes.

Ive not seen change im just here because im still holding onto HOPE. His not caring, i dont feel like we vibe, hes to into his work and forgets he got a family. All i hear is things will get better be patient.

I know im not happy i also told him this and he literally fell asleep whilst i was telling him how i feel. I also suffer from anxiety and recently i been having minor panics due to the stress i feel.

Also being ill his not offered any help just left the house without a word, not even a 'are u and kids feeling better'

I told him his not pulling his weight he told me ah fuck off, so i said il leave as you never cared. Fast forward after the conversation told me GO, I dont care this time around, il go fuck other bitches.

He does say very harsh things and then expects me to stay sane.

I have told housing but they are not helping me move. We rents and i cant afford it alone. Im very scared about the future with 3 kids, how will i cope financially if im still on maternity my little is only 9 months.

Do single mothers cope, is it hard, can i do this. Will kids hate me for moving out. Will anyone in future except us. I just want to cry my heart out i feel so stuck.. I just wanted a happy home. My family are mix minded about the situation some say leave some are saying your kids need there dad.

OP posts:
Violet869 · 22/09/2021 12:38

I think his comments say everything about the way he views women, referring to them as ‘bitches’ is disrespectful, that in itself and the way he treats you would be enough for me to leave.

Taylah · 22/09/2021 12:43

I know that's right i mean why would anyone think of that in the first place. Its not like we officially split yet. Sex isn't something to even think about @Violet869

OP posts:
Evesgarden · 22/09/2021 12:47

OP download the book "Too good to leave, Too bad to stay'

Its a brilliant book by a family councillor with 40 years of experience. The book is based on whether you would be happier being together or happier separated and if you can salvage your relationship or if its dead. Its a really good book

WithMyEncyclopedia · 22/09/2021 12:53

"I'll go fuck other bitches"
Omg please can I have his number? He sounds DREAMY! 😍

He's not fit to be with anyone, you're right to get out and stay out. You shouldn't have to convince your family, they're not living with this dickhead.

Taylah · 22/09/2021 13:10

Im just confused with my housing as seems no help @WithMyEncyclopedia

OP posts:
TheHouseIsOnFire · 22/09/2021 13:17

He sounds awful. Please leave this prince among men, life as a single mum isn’t necessarily easier but at least you get a day off when the kids are with their dad and you don’t have the constant disappointment of living with someone who doesn’t pull their weight and makes you feel lonely.

The problem with social housing etc is that while you have a roof over your head you’re not a priority. You need to make yourself and your DC homeless to get anywhere with council housing. However if you don’t want to end up having to take the first thing that’s offered then you need to have a back up plan eg staying with family, but make sure the council know this is a temporary measure and that you’re not sorted for housing. Living in a relationship like this is soul destroying. You have one life and this is not how you want to spend it. Flowers

Taylah · 22/09/2021 15:18

Yes thats the thing it's hard as i cant afford private rent either. Horrible situation @TheHouseIsOnFire i hope i can sort this soon. So much stress seeing no way out

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 15:33

Holy shit he is vile.

Smack him with a shovel and bury him in the garden, that'll solve your housing problem and protect all us other 'bitches' from him too xD

Its better for kids not to be brought up in an environment where their father treats their mother like garbage. Two happy homes is better than one unhappy one.

EKGEMS · 22/09/2021 15:40

He's only fit to be kept in a cage and fed with a stick! What a disgusting pig. Get out of the relationship ASAP!

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 15:49

And just because you leave him doesn't mean he is longer their dad.

Speak with citizens advice about your benefits and entitlements. You should get a fair amount of child benefit for a start if he leaves. Plus a single person discount on council tax.

Taylah · 22/09/2021 16:44

Thank for the advice lovelies. It like i cant see past the nice times and today im feeling very shit not a single word of are u ok. Ive been searching for help with the move today. No help. Women aid said emotional abuse, im not in any domestic situation and my anxiety is mountain high do i really want to leave this way😢

OP posts:
Taylah · 22/09/2021 16:46

I feel like we could just separate but i dont feel like i could like in the same house as him even though he acts like a lodger. Its not going to help me move on.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 16:48

Are both your names on the lease?
I would have thought that the council would prefer to house a mother and three kids than a single father.

Taylah · 22/09/2021 17:06

His main applicant i live with him. It dont make sense with the system @Pinkbonbon

OP posts:
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