Why am I being stupid when I have a lot?

[Alwayswanting1]

I’m having these stupid feelings lately.

I’ve been fortunate due to inheritance and working to own the majority of my house. At the moment I’m renovating and decorating top to bottom. I should feel fortunate and I do but I wish I wasn’t doing it alone.

I’m late 30’s with a couple of long term relationships that didn’t work out. I just can’t help but look at friends who have similar that they have achieved together with there husbands/partners. I know if there relationships failed for whatever reason they would be I trouble but it must be nice to do those things together.

Am I being ungrateful?

I don't think you are ungrateful. You want companionship nothing wrong with that.

I am financially stable. I wouldn't swop it for a relationship but don't see why you can't want both.

I don’t know that gratitude (to whom?) is the priority here …

After more than a decade on MN I’d urge you to be extremely careful if and when you do start a new relationship - because you seem wide open to exploitation by a man who wants a roof. Most especially a man who wants a roof (and babysitter) for his non-resident children. Possibly a man who mysteriously loses his job a week after moving in with you …

How wonderful, on the other hand, to have the money and freedom to renovate and decorate as you choose …

I seem to hold those who have partners higher then me as if doing it alone isn’t quite so good.

But then marriage would scare me now as I’ve known people to loose it all.

I understand what you say but think how bloody awesome it is that you have done these things alone. You haven't had to compromise, or accommodate someone else's want for a gym / hobby room / man cave. If or when you do find a relationship you can go into it as a financially strong and independent woman who is choosing, not needing to be with someone. Your friends may be in lovely relationships but statically they are unlikely to all last and they'll have a crappy job unpicking and disentangling their lives and assets. It's easy to want what someone else has got 'grass is greener' and all that.. I bet some of your friends envy your single status.

I think doing it alone is better!

No one can take it from you, no one is doing it for you, no one is can take it from you.

At the moment you can't see the wood from the trees and somcamt see what a strong position you are in. Many people will never be in a position to he able to do this alone and so need someone else.to make it viable. That leaves them vulnerable to mistreatment and settling for the wrong person.

You don't realise how fortunate you are!

I bet some of your friends envy your single status.

I'd pretty much guarantee it.

I have been seeing someone who has his own house and it just makes me realise I won’t have that we did it together feeling. I’m just being stupid I know! I have a lot to be grateful for. A lovely empty house is not that great tho!

Why do we always want what we don’t have?

OP, nothing wrong with what you're feeling. But just think about how lucky you are that you're decorating everything exactly the way you want it, not having arguments about getting a pool table, being able to hold workmen to account rather than DP who says he'll do the DIY and never finishes it etc.

Doing it alone is far preferable to relying on someone else. You only need to read these forums to see how people end up trapped due to joint finances or being too reliant on a partner. I think the ‘we did it together’ feeling you imagine would pale into insignificance when faced with the practicalities of living with someone.
Please do not hold people with partners higher than yourself. Do you truly believe everyone in a relationship is happy?

You won't have that 'we did it together so he gets half' feeling either OP!

You're not being ungrateful, just human. Nothing is perfect, so just try to focus on the positive aspects of what you have. Look ahead at your own future, not sideways at other people's present.