Letting a relationship tick over

[Namechanj]

I've name changed as it was about time but a regular poster.
Im seeing someone where we have a good physical connection as in it feels nice to be close, to spend time together, have sex etc but very little emotional connection that we can't seem to discuss anything of any serious nature, talk openly together etc he gets physically uncomfortable with any kind of talk of feelings, future etc
I'm just wondering how long do these types of relationships sustain themselves. This is fine for me just now as I'm all week with my kids and see him when kids go to their Dads house, but i don't miss this guy when we aren't together.
I am 50% happy to go on as we are enjoying each others company and then 50% not sure what the point is when so much is lacking emotionally. Hes also told me that he loves me which I knew was difficult for him to say so in the back of my mind i feel as though I'm stringing him along only to hurt him at some point too.
I've tried talking to him and saying I'd like to have a more emotional connection, to which he got very uncomfortable so Ive left it. Hes never brought it up since he just avoids all serious conversations if he can.

Given that you're messaging asking how much longer it can go on for, it sounds like you're at the beginning of the end. Which is a shame if you like him, but is the relationship good enough?

That's what I'm so unsure about. It's good enough for me for right now.
If I end it I know I'll miss seeing him and having him in my life, but at the same time I know we have no future together.

I'd honestly end it. What's the point in a partner you can't share your inner most thoughts with? He said he loves you, but love is part and parcel of an emotional connection. Doesn't add up.

I remember when a guy I was dating got all upset and said “you never tell me what you’re thinking or tell me about your feelings, and I want to know what’s inside your head and heart.”

And I just thought, why would we talk about my feelings? I’m happy and content and find my life interesting and fulfilling 98.5% of the time. I take my life as it comes at me and I don’t worry about the future or stress about things I can’t control. I don’t have any “feelings” or anything “in my heart” to talk to with anyone about beyond that. I’d much rather talk about a train journey I once took from Moscow to Vladivostok; or the weirdest hotel you stayed at when you booked last minute in Eastbourne; or a really good recipe for Japanese omelette - or because that’s the stuff I’m usually thinking about.

Are you sure there’s not just a bit of that going on? That he isn’t somebody who derives an “emotional connection” from deep and meaningfuls about his inner self? I A lot of people seem to think that a good relationship is one where there’s always something emotional and deep going on and forget that actually, the best and kind of relationship with the greatest depth is the one where you’re just at ease with each other. The depth comes through shared experiences and with time, and as you spend more time in each other’s company, the connection comes that way.

It certainly does with me, anyway. I mean, I don’t know your guy, he could also be emotionally stunted and you’d do best to end things now. But I think it’s often worth turning a viewpoint around and considering whether yours is actually the right or most normal one.

I guess the point is he's someone to see when I have my free time and as I said we have a nice time together, do nice things together etc. It's fine for me just now but there's major lacks for anything further

Sounds like a non-starter. You’re just blocking the way for more suitable people. It can be nice to have a bit of intimacy but even the most casual of arrangements end up taking up emotional energy (and time!) which could be put into long term friendships, etc. while looking for the right person. That was the conclusion I came to after (enjoying) casual 4 month type things over a few years.

@ComtesseDeSpair

I remember when a guy I was dating got all upset and said “you never tell me what you’re thinking or tell me about your feelings, and I want to know what’s inside your head and heart.”

And I just thought, why would we talk about my feelings? I’m happy and content and find my life interesting and fulfilling 98.5% of the time. I take my life as it comes at me and I don’t worry about the future or stress about things I can’t control. I don’t have any “feelings” or anything “in my heart” to talk to with anyone about beyond that. I’d much rather talk about a train journey I once took from Moscow to Vladivostok; or the weirdest hotel you stayed at when you booked last minute in Eastbourne; or a really good recipe for Japanese omelette - or because that’s the stuff I’m usually thinking about.

Are you sure there’s not just a bit of that going on? That he isn’t somebody who derives an “emotional connection” from deep and meaningfuls about his inner self? I A lot of people seem to think that a good relationship is one where there’s always something emotional and deep going on and forget that actually, the best and kind of relationship with the greatest depth is the one where you’re just at ease with each other. The depth comes through shared experiences and with time, and as you spend more time in each other’s company, the connection comes that way.

It certainly does with me, anyway. I mean, I don’t know your guy, he could also be emotionally stunted and you’d do best to end things now. But I think it’s often worth turning a viewpoint around and considering whether yours is actually the right or most normal one.

Its not so much his inner thoughts im after, more like I'd like if i was having a crap day if i could call him and talk it out with him for example However I know this would probably make him uncomfortable . Another example is me bringing up that i dont want any more children and if he does, I dont want to hinder his chance of having his own family- he literally could not respond or have a discussion about this subject so I ended up just saying my stuff and then we changed the subject .

Sounds like you are dating my ex! Apologies.
I don't think he will change as he has no reason to as he isn't interested in opening up in the same way.

I once dated someone like this. It was really difficult. It wasn't that he was unable or unwilling to talk about any emotional stuff, just anything to do with me. I ahd no idea what he felt about me at all at any stage of the relationship.

I ended it because I just felt that he wasn't that interested in me or a relationship with me. Apparently, he was really upset when I ended it but I have no idea why!

The sad thing was, he was great company otherwise. I discovered that one of his friends and I had a common interest that we wanted to pursue further and so ended up taking up a hobby with him. Sadly, in the end, I had a better emotional connection with his friend than him amd that was what made realise it wouldn't go any further.

@GreyCarpet

I once dated someone like this. It was really difficult. It wasn't that he was unable or unwilling to talk about any emotional stuff, just anything to do with me. I ahd no idea what he felt about me at all at any stage of the relationship.

I ended it because I just felt that he wasn't that interested in me or a relationship with me. Apparently, he was really upset when I ended it but I have no idea why!

The sad thing was, he was great company otherwise. I discovered that one of his friends and I had a common interest that we wanted to pursue further and so ended up taking up a hobby with him. Sadly, in the end, I had a better emotional connection with his friend than him amd that was what made realise it wouldn't go any further.

Yes it's definitely hard work at times. I'm really torn which means I'll probably just let it tick over another while and then contemplate everything again!!