When to leave?

[The4thbluetile]

35M, together for 8 years with DW.

Proclaimer - I know what I am planning to do is a terrible thing but I think it needs to be done and would appreciate any advice.

To be honest we've been dwindling for several years and I wasn't happy.

I took up marathon running to stay out of the house for longer. I did extra admin at work so I could spend less time at home. I felt like I'd had the joy and romance crushed out of me.

After 2 years of keeping a diary I realised that what make me unhappy was her constant put downs, belittling me in front of friends and absolute lack of affection. We did have sex but only on her terms. Whilst this may sound a tad abusive I'd like to emphasise it absolutely wasn't. She is a volatile person but when she got angry she would only ever punch herself/scream/smash items. I was never threatened.

I'd decided to move on with my life...then inevitably we found out she was pregnant. I want to be involved in babies life for sure. My question is...when is the least worst time to leave? I will always be around to support.

I can't ever leave a newly pregnant woman
I can't ever leave a heavily pregnant woman
I can't ever leave new mum

I want to help and support as needed. But I have no experience here. I am thinking around 3-4 months of baby born may be the least worst time?

Honesty is the key here. People fall out of love... Tell her soon, there are options. Please do not mislead your wife

How far along is she? If she's newly pregnant I think you should definitely tell her, if gives her a choice to be a single mum or not. Tell her anyway at whatever stage so she can adapt to her new life without you.

Now 🤷‍♀️

Explain things to her, say you understand it’s not the best timing but you want to be there for baby and for her. You will look for somewhere close by so if she needs you to help you can.

Yes now. She doesn’t sound like she likes you very much anymore either so I wouldn’t assume she’s going to be devastated. You may find she’s perfectly happy to be a single parent.

Thanks for the replies, seems like a consistent message. She is 7 months gone. She was always planning on keeping any child and I think we'd be good co-parents so I'll tell her my honest feelings

You say 'inevitably we find out she is pregnant. If you are having unprotected sex then yes its usually going to result in pregnancy! As you have been so unhappy in this 8 year relationship did you not think it best to avoid getting your wife pregnant?
Maybe if you hadn't enjoyed the unprotected sex with a wife you don't love you would have been able to avoid leaving her either pregnant or with a young baby. Your baby!! Anyway, don't ask when is the right time because there isn't a right time which you are about to discover for yourself.

There's never a right or better time in your circumstance, the only thing as others have said is honesty now and in future. It sounds like you'll be responsible and practical.