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Original poster

OLD first impressions

29 replies

Browmcbrownson · 21/09/2021 15:51

I have being chatting with someone on OLD for a good few weeks now. Get on really well. Seen photos. We met up last night for the first time and they was bigger weight wise than in their photos (by 1-2 stone more).
My friend said if I don’t find them attractive I shouldn’t see them again. Whereas I know what it’s like when you put on weight etc and I’d hate the thought of someone not wanting a second date as I was bigger than they expected.

What’s everyone’s thoughts on this ?

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 21/09/2021 15:55

I'm with your friend. Obviously you don't say that's why, but pity dating would be worse.

Original poster
Browmcbrownson · 21/09/2021 15:58

I wouldn’t say I don’t fancy them. I think I was taken aback by them being bigger in real life and felt it would be shallow of me to say “nah not interested”

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 21/09/2021 16:27

You just go with the standard “I had a nice time meeting you but I didn’t feel any chemistry and so don’t want to waste anyone’s time and wish you all the best.”

seensome · 21/09/2021 16:45

It's not shallow, he didn't use recent pictures so don't feel sorry for him.
If he's too lazy to make an effort for his dating profile then he wouldn't make a good choice IMO

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 16:46

If you feel attracted to them (you say you wouldn't say you don't fancy them) and like other aspects of them then it seems a shallow reason to write them off so early. Lots of people have gained a stone or two during lockdown. I could gain a stone in 3 weeks easily! If the extra weight isn't affecting attraction then you should at least meet again. You date a person, not a number on the scales or a clothes size.

Your friend is right that if you aren't attracted to someone there's no point in seeing them again, for whatever reason. But you seem to indicate you could fancy them. The shock has worn off now. Maybe another date and a chance to see if there is potential for a real connection would be worth a try?

Gilda152 · 21/09/2021 16:51

It's a very rare person who hasn't put even a small amount of weight on during lockdown, particularly working from home etc so I would cut them a little slack if it's not a total turn off.

Are your friend's motives pure or do they prefer you to be single for any reason?

Original poster
Browmcbrownson · 21/09/2021 16:51

@OuiOuiBonjour yeah I do fancy them but I think my friend threw me by their comment to be honest. I do want to meet again and see where it goes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Browmcbrownson · 21/09/2021 16:53

@Gilda152 I myself have struggled with weight over the years and I know that I would be gutted if someone wrote me off because of that.

I think my friend is very black and white. If I don’t want to jump their bones then they think I shouldn’t see them again.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 21/09/2021 16:55

I don't understand the difference between fancying someone and wanting to jump their bones - to me they're the same thing. However, if you think you would like to have another date with them, then arrange one.

Gilda152 · 21/09/2021 16:56

You and I both! Lockdown has not been kind ha!!

Well it sounds like you kind of see potential in them and so that's your business and not your friend's.

I would absolutely have a second date Smile

Original poster
Browmcbrownson · 21/09/2021 16:58

@PermanentTemporary I think they meant it as in when you see a really hot man on tv, ie the dude in fifty shades, where he just oozes sex appeal.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 21/09/2021 16:58

One of two things happened here.

This person put weight on over lockdown and their pictures ae an accurate reflection of who they were a year ago and they just didn't change them.

Or this person doesn't really see the weight gain and hoped you wouldn't either.aybe hoped that when you saw them in the flesh, the online rapport you had built would be enough.

It doesn't have to be.

You don't owe anyone a second date especially if they have misrepresented themselves in any way.

No, youight not like it if someone rejected you for a second date because you'd gained weight, no one would, which is why it's so important to use up to date photos of yourself.

However, if it was just a bit of a shock (you did say you didn't not fancy them) you could meet up with them again for a second time and see how you feel then.

SirYawnsAlot · 21/09/2021 16:59

He might not have had chance to get a good pic of himself to update his profile or been on the dating site for ages and not thought about it. Give him another try and see how you feel (then come back and tell us what happens).

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 17:01

[quote Browmcbrownson]@OuiOuiBonjour yeah I do fancy them but I think my friend threw me by their comment to be honest. I do want to meet again and see where it goes.[/quote]
Don't look to your friend to validate your choices.
You aren't her.

You say you want another date - do that.

Original poster
Browmcbrownson · 21/09/2021 17:02

I do t think it’s being done to fool me, I think it’s a simple case of lock down weight. Think I need to ignore my well meaning friends advise from now on lol

OP posts:
OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 17:07

And honestly, the best and healthiest relationships I've had with the best men have been slow burners. The worst have been the ones with super intense sexual chemistry we couldn't see past at the start and which fizzled out quickly - it's possible for someone to be super hot and hugely physically attractive and for them to completely suck as a partner (or even as a person!).

I'm not saying there can't be strong sexual attraction initally and the potential of it working out. I just think it shouldn't be the only thing that's important.

A kind, attentive, respectful, funny, loyal person is quite often really fucking awesome in bed. And it can take more than one date for those qualities to become routinely apparent.

PermanentTemporary · 21/09/2021 17:09

It sounds as if there's enough there for another date. I still think it could go either way; don't lock yourself into it.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 21/09/2021 17:12

I don’t understand people who have unrealistic photos of themselves. Don’t they realise it’s only going to lead to a date being underwhelmed?

Shuffleuplove · 21/09/2021 17:14

Don’t write him off till you’ve kissed

pinkyredrose · 21/09/2021 17:16

Don’t write him off till you’ve kissed

With tongues.

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 17:20

@SweetBabyCheeses99

I don’t understand people who have unrealistic photos of themselves. Don’t they realise it’s only going to lead to a date being underwhelmed?
Gyms were shut over lockdown. Many people comfort ate or drank more. Things are only just returning to normal now and weight can be quick to go on and much harder to lose and will take time to come off. It's a stone or two.

Maybe he feels the pictures show his personality or hobbies best. Maybe he knows he's back on a healthy eating and activity programme and intends to be back at his normal weight in a few months time. Maybe he's not managed to get a friend to take a full length photo recentky because not many people have been having parties or events and nights out. Maybe he thinks most people won't be overwhelmed by a bit of recent weight gain and that they chat prior to the date was interesting enough to prove their worth in other ways.

Gilda152 · 21/09/2021 17:31

@OuiOuiBonjour

Do you accept applause? Because you are bang on.

Also yes OP, the kiss with tongues is IMPERATIVE before any rash decisions are made!

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 17:41

[quote Gilda152]@OuiOuiBonjour

Do you accept applause? Because you are bang on.

Also yes OP, the kiss with tongues is IMPERATIVE before any rash decisions are made![/quote]
Lol, I wouldn't applaud me. I've been single seven years!

Sweet Lord Jesus, a bloody good kiss with tongues sounds divine. Haven't had one in two years Sad. And it's definitely a good test of chemistry OP!!

OP your to do list is:

  1. Arrange second date.
  1. Engineer kiss.
  1. With tongues.
  1. Report back to the thread.
Original poster
Browmcbrownson · 21/09/2021 17:45

Our second date is at the weekend so I shall report back :)

OP posts:
OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 17:56

@Browmcbrownson

Our second date is at the weekend so I shall report back :)
Grin

Good luck!

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