Help please think I am going crazy

[CheekyChaza]

Hello

Looking for some advise, I can’t talk about this to anyone I know, I really wanted people thoughts.

I have been with my partner for 13 years, constantly cheated on me and lied to me, over the last two years I would say, things have been going really good, so I thought. Recently my partner has been meeting up with what I thought was a really close friend I have known since school, we both know her, but he never spent time with her alone for drinks, before we met or aftertaste, they weren’t that close, they just knew each other through other people.
First time when I found out, I felt so betrayed, sick, I felt like it worst than him cheating on me! I approached her about it, I didn’t get much from her, my other friend also said to her it’s was wrong you should have spoken to her. Since the first time me finding out, she hasn’t spoken to me since and I haven’t given her any reason not to contact me, I would have still spoken to her.
Seeing what state I was in last time my partner meets up with her again, they don’t go local they travel out for drinks and all day.
I work full time he doesn’t ask me out or feel he wants to take me out, he lies and lies, even when I begged him tears please tell me, I know you went out with her, he still lied. Till I had hard evidence to prove it. I am gutted, so upset, don’t know what to do, when I say leave he doesn’t, tells me how much he loves me.
Am I really making a big deal out of this? Or would you feel the same, I feel like am going mad.

You’re not going mad. He’s gaslighting you by lying to your face and denying the reality that you both KNOW and can’t prove. He’s a cunt. Please leave him if he won’t leave you. He is messing with your mental health and you deserve better.

Its not you. Its him. He's a dick. LTB

Why are you still with this person?
Get you big girl pants on, have some self -respect and get rid of him.
You are worth so much more than this!

The thing is once you accepted he had cheated the first time that gave him the green light to continue doing it..
Only you can change things by Ltb.

This happened to me. It's the worst kind of betrayal. Get away from him as quickly as you can. It's not worth your sanity trying to figure out the where's and why Fors of it-some people (both him and her in this case) are just vile.

Leave him op. He won't change. You're not mad at all. Your partner is an asshole who is trying to grind you down and make you doubt yourself. Don't try and figure out what he's thinking or why he won't take you places etc., Just accept that he's an asshole and leave.
Do you have a place to go and people who can support you?

The best way to avoid going mad is to keep away from people who make you think you're going mad.

One question: do you feel as if you're going mad with anybody else? Do you friends make you feel mad? Close relatives? Colleagues? If not, it's not you at your core, is it. It's your response to him/the situation surrounding him, and that's your responsibility. Forget about right and wrong: there are no rules. If you feel crazy around somebody, get the hell out.

Don't think about 'fixing yourself' unless you have a life-pervasive issue. If it's all about just one person, fix the situation, the circumstances.

You are not making a big enough deal out of this. You didn’t make a big enough deal out of it when he previously cheated. He is now conducted an affair with your friend under your nose. Come on. Enough now.

It only gets worse. He's got away with it before so will keep doing it. You know deep down he doesn't love you.

You're worth more than this. Get rid of him.

I have tried to get him to leave but he won’t, he refuses, I don’t have the support here to leave I also have two children and I really don’t want them to get mixed up in this all.

What's the set up with your accommodation? Own? Rent? Who is on the contract?

We rent both our names are on the contract.

Begging him to leave isn't going to get you anywhere. Why are you begging him to leave rather than leaving yourself? What would he do if you told him you were leaving?

He's abusing you, you know that, don't you? He treats you badly and then when you get upset, he manipulates you with 'I love you's. That's emotional abuse. Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

Phone Women's Aid, you are being abused.

Why younger women don't realise this as abuse ..... it is.

It is hugely damaging to your mental health to be lied to constantly and then told you are imagining it.
His actions hurt you and then he denies your feelings. You have every right to feel how you feel. There is nothing wrong with you, it's definitely all him.

He's very abusive and very damaging.
I hope you rid this toxin from your life.

You are not doing your children a favour by staying, either. You are demonstrating to them that this is how adult relationships look and feel. They will replicate this in their own adult lives. Show them what self respect looks like instead.

Someone once said to me that you need to see mental pain being inflicted on you in the same way as you would see physical pain. So say if someone was kicking you repeatedly in the knee and wouldn't stop you would do anything to get away from that person and you wouldn't go near them again. And so that's how it should be if someone is causing you mental or emotional distress. I know it's hard. But you must try

Please please listen to the advice on here.

You aren't crazy at all. You are in a crazy situation though. Your partner has cheated repeatedly, and is cheating again and lying to you. You know he's lying. How does that make you crazy?

He's messing with you head, making you doubt your own sane thoughts. He is in the wrong. He's a rubbish partner and you deserve better.

He will continue to cheat. You will never be able to trust him. That's no basis for a relationship. If he loved you he wouldn't treat you like this.

Please leave.

@theworldsbiggestcrocodile

Someone once said to me that you need to see mental pain being inflicted on you in the same way as you would see physical pain. So say if someone was kicking you repeatedly in the knee and wouldn't stop you would do anything to get away from that person and you wouldn't go near them again. And so that's how it should be if someone is causing you mental or emotional distress. I know it's hard. But you must try

Also you wouldn't blame yourself for hurting, or for hopping around like something gone a bit nuts. It's just what happens when we get hurt; we act in ways we normally wouldn't. It's not madness, it's injury.

Tell him this is obviously an open relationship, and you are going to find yourself a real man! Then go out and do it! He won't like it, but maybe he'll find out how devastating it is.

@Dillydollydingdong

Tell him this is obviously an open relationship, and you are going to find yourself a real man! Then go out and do it! He won't like it, but maybe he'll find out how devastating it is.

No! Don't play games with an abuser.